Drama with my sister

I had a similar experience with my oldest sister. We never talk and are far from close. My other sister was my moh and older sister was not included in the bp, which she was very vocal about letting everyone know she was upset. I was going to ask her just to avoid the drama but then I thought about it and that about how much I wanted the people who have always been there for me standing with me, and she wasn't one of those people. She didn't start anything at the wedding though

I think this is a difficult situation. I'm team "pick who you want" for your BP, but I think with family you should pick your battles.

I imagine if your sister is going to be dramatic about it, is it likely she's hurt she wasn't asked to be in your BP? Maybe asking her to be part of this day will help create and/or make your relationship better? I know it would upset me if my FH was in my brother's wedding but I wasn't.

I would probably ask her to be part of it, if it were me but that's just my opinion.

I think do what works best for you, but if you're trying to avoid drama (because you hate it), you won't in this situation unless you ask her to be part of the day, because essentially you're causing the drama.

The minute she went to social media, you should have communicated that it's representative of your relationship and you are open to being closer as sisters.

Since she's already been vocal once, this is a problem, but don't punish S for it. Have a direct conversation with M. Let her know you recognize she's your sister, but wish you were closer and there are other individuals that will be in your bridal party. She's going to find out she's not a BM eventually..

I use to have a good relationship with her... Untill I started dating my FH. Then she started to say nasty things about us, including that he was going to cheat on me, and that is "just wasn't right" that we were together. He had been friends with her (and their whole group of friends for a while) and she likes being an alpha so she believes that she "owns" him as a friend, and that I'm taking him away form her as a friend.... Its a very confusing situation and I have cut her drastically out of my life because of this. I still want her there, she is family and I Love her, but its just too much to have that negative energy around me now, let alone on the wedding day...

I am not a fan of "blood trumps all". Being blood related to someone does mean you should be a shoe-in for anything, nor should it dictate things like weddings.

IF you have never really had a relationship with your eldest sister, then I see no reason to ask her to be in your bridal party.

That said, courtesy would dictate that you guys do not ask sister's husband to be in the bridal party and you "just ignore your sister". That's cold and cruel. Not having a relationship with someone does not mean be rude to them. Personally, if you and your FH both have a handful of people already in the bridal party, I'd stay with what you have and not add your sister's husband.

ETA: saw the OP posted just before I did with details...your update makes it a bit trickier, IMO. You said initially you've never really been close with your eldest sister, but now say you had a good relationship before you started dating your FH. Which is it?

I meant to ignore her snarky comments and remarks. I would be more than happy to have her involves in other aspects of the wedding, just not directly next to me. I do love her, but the things that she already says about my relationship makes me not want to give her the chance to make me upset on my wedding day. FH wants to pick one more person for his side of the BP, but he doesn't know to pick S or not.

Ugh i feel your pain. I would say if it means a lot for FH to have S in the party, let him. If you are ok with your sister being upset, let her be upset. If you think this will cause a whirlwind of drama w the rest of your family, that is also something to consider.

The groom is free to ask whomever he wants to be in the groom's party, not the bridal party. That is your prerogative.

There is also no need to include spouses on your side when the groom chooses someone for his side. Leaving someone out of the wedding party is not being rude.

I would have said NO to having your FH pick S, but after you said they were friends before you started dating...now I'm thinking he should ask S and could you possibly ask your sister to do a reading or something? Some other way of being included..?

Why not reach out to her and try to become closer to her....and talk to her. Explain that she's not losing a friend, she's gaining a BIL. Maybe over time you both will learn something and then decide. Just my opinion and probably an unpopular one.

I agree with Kate and Athena. It is early yet to have a bridal party, so I would re-visit in January. Could you try to mend things with your sister in the meantime? Not for the sake of your bridal party, but because it sounds like you were once close and she feels threatened that you are now with her friend. Could you, your FH, your sister, and BIL all do some activities together? Maybe have a 1-on-1 talk with her about how you dating your FH has hurt your relationship, and you want to change that, and suggest some double dates. As Athena said, help her see she is not losing a friend, but her friend is now becoming her brother? I think that is important regardless of what you end up doing with your bridal party. But since you have some time before needing to decide a bridal party, maybe your improved relationship (or not) will help you decide. If things have been mended, you could include her. If not, well then at least you know you tried. I would still want to work on the relationship though, but that could reduce guilt about not having her in the BP if you know you made efforts and she rejected them.

We still do things together! All of us do things all the time together, I still talk to her, I just don't spend as much time with her because she is being rude and nasty. Maybe she will change over the next few months, but if she hasn't changed in the last two years, I don't think she will now. She became very bitter and rude when we started dating, and then became plain out nasty when he asked me to marry him. She won't say things to my face, but post them on social media, or talk to other people when I'm literally in the next room. I have tried to confront her, and to mend our relationship, but she just pretends like she never said anything, and then wont speak anymore. Literally walk out of the room away from me. S has tried to talk to her, my other sister tried and M ended up saying nasty things to T about her relationship also. My dad has even tried to talk to her, and she just becomes defensive. She has become so nasty that she told my sister that he would benefit if he cheated on me so that I wouldn't talk to him anymore and he could "be free from me". I just don't know where I can mend this anymore...

Don't include the husband. It seems like it might add less drama. Or suck it up and add the sister. :/

Maybe give her another job in the wedding, like "keep everyone on track on the big day" and ask her hubby to be a GM. That way they're both involved but you don't have to kick a close friend out of the BP just for her