Drama with future family

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. First of all, my FH and I sometimes have differing political opinions but that’s not going to make us not talk! Your just agree to disagree. Sounds like that’s the younger brothers issue, he needs everyone to be on board with him. That’s also very rude of him to say. My FH wants a dog, but I have expressed to him how much work a dog is contrary to cats (we rescued a kitten last year). With the amount of hours we both work, we don’t have the time and attention to devote to a dog, so I completely understand where you were coming from with Bo. It’s not like the two of you got another puppy two days after the fact, so there’s no need for the snide comments from either party. Everyone should be minding their own business. It really is silly. But just ignore them - enjoy your new fur baby!!

Honestly, this sounds like a lot of petty people who love to poop on other people's happiness out of boredom or self pity for themselves. Keep smiling, and turn the other cheek because it will make them livid! Don't give them the satisfaction of bickering. Believe me, my FH's family is the exact same way.

View Quoted Comment

Agreed! FH & I don't see eye to eye on politics either and we mostly don't talk about it, but if we do sometimes we agree and if we don't it's a pretty healthy convo we don't bicker about it. Thanks for the support!

View Quoted Comment

Thank you. That's helpful. I definitely try to stay out of it as much as possible and I think FH and I would much rather do our own thing, and usually do. It's only these big life events where everything comes back to the surface of people sticking their nose in!

I'm sorry you are dealing with all that. I'm a lot older than a most of you, and remember the days when everyone didn't have an opinion of your life. I guess it's because it was before the social media craze. This is the only thing I participate in, no facebook or anything else.

Just remember, that the marriage is between you and your FH. If you both are okay with the puppy, so be it! You can't please everyone, so I don't even try. I'm kind of a chicken, if I know it's going to cause an issue, I won't discuss it. Not with my FH, but more with my family.

Hi, omg! it seems like people these days love to judge and just stir up drama!!! I understand your reasoning about the previous pup, it wasn't the right time! but what were you supposed to do, go take the dog back after all these years and now the father lovessssss him. It seems like the brother just likes to talk, did your fiancée and him stop talking over this? or there were previous issues... and it sucks the mom is taking the brothers side over this

You have nothing to feel guilty about! A puppy is a serious responsibility, and you made the mature realization that the puppy could be better cared for by FH's father. I don't understand why FH's family is harping on this. Try your best to ignore their negativity!

View Quoted Comment

The previous issues (which aren't even my FH's issues just his bro's made up assumptions about my FH because of his political stance) is why they stopped talking. I thought it was so weird to say about our puppy, because it's almost disregarding the fact that their dad is obviously super happy to have the dog we gave him so why say anything at all. Their dad said he was staying out of it, which he usually does.

I actually got really lucky and I love my Fiance's family and vice versa. Funny enough when My fiance and I first started dating and I was going to meet his family for the first time, he said don't mention politics or religion and everything will go fine. For context - his parents are Christian conservative former navy, and I'm a Pagan liberal. My first five minutes there, and I brought up politics with his parents. I thought either it will go well or blow up in my face. Come to find out, we agree on a lot of political stances. Then I brought up religion and how I'm even ordained (both in my religious group and with the ULC). After explaining about Paganism and that I'm knowledgeable and accepting about the Christain faith and traditions, they were very accepting.

That sucks, y'all did nothing wrong. I felt very similar not too long ago. We adopted a dog in October and we had him for 9 months and we had to rehome him and we got a new dog. We felt horrible but this dog was not a good fit for our family. He pooped and peed inside (we were on like a baby schedule and would let him out like every hour to try and avoid it and he still did it). he did it out of spite! he also would bite and we just tried so hard for 9 months and couldn't do it. We found him a better suited home and made sure they were good with him before handing him over. A few weeks later we found a stray and were fostering it till the local shelter could take him and he ended up meshing with our family very well and we kept him. So many people have made me feel bad for this decision even though it was never planned. 2 years is more than enough time to pass and even so its Y'ALLS decision. That was very uncalled for from the brother for sure.

View Quoted Comment

Awhh that is a shame and doesn't go without feeling bad about it. So it's annoying to get other people's judgement about it for sure. There are people who dump animals and then the people who re-home and make sure everything is good. What's important is you did what was right for your home situation! My parents have a spiteful cat who pees and poops all over the house basically saying he doesn't like their dogs but we all swear he's neurotic. His vet always tells him he's oh so lucky my parents love him because others would've not dealt with it (he only started doing this once he hit 3 years old or so and it's gotten worse now to where they keep him in the unfinished basement during the day when they're gone so he doesn't go in every sink and piece of furniture he feels like!). He's the reason I am not a cat person lol.

I think family members will always have opinions about how others chose to live their lives, bring new members (even the furry kind) into the family. I know my family has opinions about what each other does, we don't take offense, but we also don't change our plans because of each other's opinions.

I think FBIL is entitled to his opinion, but he definitely shouldn't have talked about it on social media.

Also just want to say, i commend you and FH for rehoming BO instead of just getting rid of him.

I would try and let this blow over

FBIL is a jerk. "Didn't make the cut?" Did he expect the two of you to tell FFIL "we can handle a dog now, we're taking Bo back?" Big. Dumb. Jerk.

I guess I don't entirely see the problem here? I mean, sure, that comment would annoy me especially if he didn't know the whole story. I'll definitely give you that. But it wouldn't anger me to the point where I tell my mom "You deal with it or I will." Its a stupid comment made by a stupid person, and chances are, you have bigger things to worry about. Not even a comment made by someone who matters. So, idk, I guess ultimately you need to remember that you can't control what his brother will say but you can control how you react and you can decide not to give him the power to anger you so much. Hope that helps

I am sorry that you're going through tough situation with your in law family. However, your husband married you and chose you to spend the rest of your lives. Therefore, he should respect his wife's decision, not his parents. If he is siding with his parents, and isn't brave enough to stand up, then he was never ready. Anything that has to do with your family such as pet, children, living stuff, house, should be decided and taken care by you and your FH solely. Not your parents, not his. They don't have a say in what your new family that you have created does. They are still parents so they want to have a say in our lives, but you guys are independent, that's what marriage is and the parents should understand that and respect your decisions.

I am really worried about my FHs relationship with his family and how he is going to deal with things in the future. I'm really worried about the way he is going to deal with his family in the future and I have a feeling that it is going to cause a lot of headaches and (knowing him) a lot of financial turmoil for us.

My FH has 7 siblings, 1 brother and 6 sisters. He is also significantly older than me, so all of his siblings already have kids and grandkids. Anyway about 5-6 years ago (before I even met him), his mom's house had a small fire. For some reason one of the BILs took over the house renovations, and it was all a big scam for the BIL to make money. Somewhere in the middle of this the BIL was trying to sell the house and my FH found out and bought it instead. So now my FH does not talk to two of his sisters and/or their families because of their involvement with the house situation. When his mother passed away about 1.5 years ago, him and 5 of his siblings had to decide if they wanted to take this to a lawyer. They decided not to because they didn't want to further mess up the family relationship. At this point my FH still participates in the email drama that goes on between his other sisters and has printed correspondence in multiple binders of everything that went on with his mothers house. I really think that in the future he wants to and will try to sue his BIL and sister for everything that went on with the house. He still makes rude comments to all of their emails, and won't take my advice that when he stops responding, they will too. Him talking about all of this drama gives me a headache, he constantly checks his phone waiting for a email from one of the other sisters and one day I'm sure that he is going to let the ball drop that he is going to talk to the lawyer with the binders.

Just for some background, my FH is not good with his finances. He has what I think of as significant debt (no savings, no retirement) and gets involved in those stupid money making schemes. I have a lot of fears that he is going to try to get his hands on my hard earned money (I have made good financial decisions with my parents advice) and do with it what he pleases. I have been talking to an attorney that specializes in prenups and I would like to get that ball rolling, but I just know he is going to have a big, big problem with a prenup. Even though he has brought up in the past that he wants to take care of me, I know he can't. Does anyone have any advise on how to bring this up? I know that as soon as its brought up, he won't listen to any rationale of my reasons for wanting to do it.

Uhh yeah!! Sticky scenerios for sure. My fiancé at the time (now husband) had absolutely awful parents. They posed their opinion on EVERYTHING and caused SOOO much drama in the wedding planning process. I was so done with them that I eventually told his mother the drama stops now, I’m not dealing with it anymore becuz they were taking away my happiness and fussing and complaining about everything. The biggest thing for your future parents in law is boundaries. They had none!! I firmly put those down since my husband was not capable of being confrontational and his mother was extremely controlling and manipulative towards him. Was it hard for me to put down boundaries for them? YES becuz it made it uncomfortable for them but I had to say enough is enough. Before all the boundary line drawing, his mom cursed and yelled at my mom about stupid stuff she was jealous about (mainly becuz we were closer with my mom than his) and saying horrible things to my mother about how she’s been married a few times. After that I was livid and shot the boundary line right in his mother’s face. Things are good now after we got married despite everyone telling me I should have had my husband deal with the boundary issue but I knew what had to happen and he didn’t have the guts. My advise is to be straight up with them all. They will respect you more after.

View Quoted Comment Yikes... why did you marry him? It sounds like you expect a divorce and are leaning towards that