Devoted September 2021

Drama and Rant.. yay!

Sylvia, on July 21, 2021 at 12:20 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

Hi ladies! Forewarning: this is a rant that is going to be all over the place due to how heated I am at the moment.

1. I HATE people who do not have the decency to RSVP to events. All you do is call, send a postage reply card, or click yes or no on a website. Simple as that. But no, some people will just ignore all things "RSVP" *huff*

2. Along the lines of people who do not RSVP, in the Polish culture, RSVPs are not a thing. At least in my group/family, people tend to show up or not. So, I am having a GRAND time dealing with this considering I hate this, and my FH family is American. I will not accept this, no way. I am butting heads with my mother about this for my bridal shower. My MIL is kindly hosting the shower for me at her house, so she needs to know how many people will be there (food and chairs of course) and it is just common courtesy to RSVP to these things. RSVPs are due Saturday. 0% of my side has RSVP'd. I kindly asked my mom to call or contact people she has not heard from on Sunday to confirm attendance and numbers, and that I even offered to contact some of my family. She tells me "no I am not going to waste time calling people. people will show up or they don't. I don't want to look bad for annoying everyone about whether or not they are coming to this shower. YOU can call, but I am not."........... this really put me over the edge. How do I even deal with this? Chase down people on my side for my shower, AND then for my wedding too because she is going to say the same thing? NO, absolutely not. Our venue needs a specific number of guests, so anyone who does not RSVP or we do not hear from is an automatic "no" and if they show up I will kick them out, no shame. They have PLENTY of time to RSVP. Yeah, I get it things come up, but all you do is click "yes or no" on our website. No RSVP=no seat or plate. Simple as that. AITA for this? I am paying for 99% of this wedding. She invited all these people I do not know or care about because THEY are important and HAVE to be there, yet criticized me for asking my teacher coworkers/friends to come to my wedding. My mother can at least call these people to confirm attendance after the RSVP date, but I already know she won't and will expect me to have a seat for them no matter what. UGH.

3. Just the sheer disrespect I am dealing with from my mother, and I can't do anything about it. My FH knows all about this, and it infuriates me he has to deal with it too. My mother is all about Polish pride and thinks "we" are better than everyone else. So the way she talks about my FHs side is disgusting and pathetic. I am getting angrier and angrier each day for her comments. It is just WOW. Mind-blowing how a family can talk about others you love and care for, right to your face. There is only so much I can say to stop her.. like, just be happy for me and keep your comments to yourself.. sigh.

Thanks for reading! How were all of your experiences with RSVPing and families..!? LOL


Latest activity by CountryBride, on July 23, 2021 at 1:12 PM
  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
    • Flag
    This sounds like so much stress and I’m sorry! I understand that you don’t want to deal with RSVPs for both the shower and the wedding but unless you’re ok with people showing up without rsvping, you should just call yourself. Yes it would be better if your mom did it, but she’s not and you can’t force her.
    • Reply
  • Sylvia
    Devoted September 2021
    Sylvia ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Yeah I know :/ but it doesn’t help she doesn’t have phone numbers to most of these guests either! She just had their addresses saved 😐
    • Reply
  • Lauren
    Expert July 2021
    Lauren ·
    • Flag
    I will never understand why people don’t RSVP. It’s really not difficult. Even if you can’t figure it out at least call and tell!

    Maybe you could contact your family and just put the blame on the venue. “Hey I am so sorry to bug you but my venue is making me give a definite number for the wedding so they can have the right amount of seats and so they can order the right amount of food. I know it’s not usual but can you let me know whether you’re attending or not. Thanks so much!”
    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    So, I agree that RSVPing is simply the polite thing to do. However, there are clearly deep cultural issues at play in your situation and you can't really consider it "common courtesy" if it's simply not at all common for your entire family to do it.

    I think YOU will need to call these relatives to ask if they are coming. Your mom has told you clearly she won't, and you can't make her. End of story.

    As for your point #3, that is a shame and sounds really upsetting. But since you know what kind of person your mom is, the time to start setting boundaries is now. Stop sharing wedding planning details with her. Hang up the phone, leave the room, whatever you need to do when she says negative things about your future spouse's family. She can say those things, but you do not need to listen. Cut back on her influence over your life and everything will get easier.

    • Reply
  • I
    Expert August 2021
    Ingrid ·
    • Flag

    I am guilty of not RSVP'ing timely. . after wedding planning that will never happen again!

    Leave your mom out of it, your wedding take it into your hands about getting the RSVP's needed for your Shower and Wedding. Stop asking your mom to participate, it's not going to happen and only cause you more stress and anxiety. Maybe when you talk to some people ask if they have phone numbers for the people you don't have.

    Good Luck and don't let your mom get you down about it. I bet if you explain it to your FMIL she might understand for the Shower just to accommodate and make it a happy day for you. Doesn't mean it's the right way, its just the way to go about it for the Shower.

    • Reply
  • CountryBride
    VIP April 2022
    CountryBride ·
    • Flag

    Hi sweetie first off hugs, I would be firm with your mother if they don't rsvp by Sunday I will assume they are not coming and will put them down as a no, do the same with your wedding

    • Reply

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