Emily
Just Said Yes May 2019

Dr. or Mrs.?

Emily, on September 19, 2018 at 10:05 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 19
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Hi everyone,
I am currently getting my PhD and I will defend my dissertation and graduate a week before I get married (yikes!!!) . I am conflicted with my title at the wedding: on one hand, I think I should be Dr. ; on the other, Mrs. is something I’m also looking forward to as well- I feel like I’m taking on two new roles. What do people think about titles?

19 Comments

Latest activity by CountryRoads, on September 21, 2018 at 9:44 PM
  • WED18
    July 1993
    WED18 ·
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    I think it depends on what your doctorate is in and whether or not it is common to be addressed as Dr. in your profession. For example, my son in law is a DPT but when he and my daughter were announced at their wedding he used Mr. because most physical therapists are not commonly called doctor. Likewise, my daughter is in grad school for her DNP but won’t be called doctor when she graduates.

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  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    That has to be your decision but since you asked lol, my opinion is use mrs for the wedding and then dr after that
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  • Emily
    Just Said Yes May 2019
    Emily ·
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    That is such a good point! My doctorate is in education- people are addressed more commonly as doctor but within academic settings. I’m wondering if it should be in certain parts of the wedding ceremony or I should have Mr. and Mrs. on the cake?
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  • C
    Master July 2018
    Cuoghi ·
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    I'm a medical doctor. But that isnt who I am socially or what makes me a wife. I use Dr at work and formal invite but that is about it.
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  • WorthTheWait
    Devoted December 2018
    WorthTheWait ·
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    I don't use it socially at all-only professionally! Honestly, I never even thought about it in the wedding context. Interesting post. I used to date a guy who insisted on using the title in social settings. To be honest, it always embarrassed me and felt pretentious.
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  • WorthTheWait
    Devoted December 2018
    WorthTheWait ·
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    Oh-and congrats on both new titles!!!
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Agreed with this. But also, I wouldn't want to be called by my professional title at my wedding. As great of an accomplishment as it is, "Dr." takes away a little bit of the romance of a wedding day to me.

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  • Kalie
    Dedicated February 2019
    Kalie ·
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    Congrats!! I think Mrs at the wedding and Dr after is appropriate. You'll have plenty of opportunities to use both Smiley smile
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  • Emily
    Just Said Yes May 2019
    Emily ·
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    Thanks everyone! This has been so helpful!
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  • Kiwibride
    Super November 2018
    Kiwibride ·
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    I would use Dr. if I were in your position. You've earned the right to use it and getting your PhD is a way bigger achievement than getting married.

    I won't be using Mrs anywhere on my wedding day because I will still be going by Ms. I don't think that will take anything away from the wedding day though other than less cheesy signs
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  • Devoted December 2019
    ·
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    I have my DPT too! I’ll definitely have my FH and I be announced as Mr and Mrs, but if I’m signing something I’m certainly going to use Dr. I put in 6 hard years to earn that “Dr” in front of my name lol
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    For a variety of reasons, sometimes doctoral degrees get delayed after defense of dissertation. Decide in the last month before your wedding! In many academic degrees, it varies greatly in different areas whether or not most will use the title outside of professionally. You are entitled to it. But as someone said above, in some areas people think you a pretentious snob to use it socially. So you need not commit yourself this far out.
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  • MaryEllen
    Expert October 2016
    MaryEllen ·
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    I would use Mr and Mrs for your wedding day and Dr afterwards.
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  • Mrs. Araj
    Expert August 2018
    Mrs. Araj ·
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    I was in the same boat. I have a PhD in Biomedical Sciences. My whole family was trying to push for us to be introduced as Mr. and Dr. but to me it took away from the wedding. It felt more like I was announcing my education instead of announcing my marriage. I also don't go by Dr. very often. I'm a post doc now and all of us have a PhD, so everyone just calls each other by their first name. The only time I go by Dr. is when teaching or writing my name on mail. I think it is a personal preference though. To me it was important to be introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Everyone at the wedding already knows I have a PhD, so why announce it.

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  • ISaidHallYes
    VIP November 2018
    ISaidHallYes ·
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    Honestly I would use Mrs. for the wedding because I always associate it with getting married. Then after the wedding begin to use the Dr. title. Just my personal preference though!
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  • H
    Expert July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    Since the wedding is you becoming a Mrs. I would use that over dr. That's awesome your getting your doctorate, but that isn't really what the wedding is about.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    A funny thing: The person introducing us after marriage for the first time, accepted that I would continue to use my first and last birth name, as would husband. When I said not Dr. , Ms. THAT is what bothered her. She said, but that does not say if you are married or not. I said, neither does the title Mr. Mr. Or Ms. Can be either married or single. She was quiet a moment, and actually wringing her hands, something you read about but never see. Finally, she burst out, but I am supposed to introduce you as a married couple. If I say Ms., how will people know? Duh, maybe because they are at the wedding, and I am in my wedding gown, and They just spent 20 minutes watching us get married? She was a very good hostess for the wedding. Not the most logical person. When she walked away after settling this, my Mom and FMIL, who had only met once before, both laughed so hard, they just held on to each other, laughing.
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  • CountryRoads
    Expert October 2018
    CountryRoads ·
    • Flag

    First of all, PROPS to you for planning a wedding and getting ready to defend/graduate at the same time. We got engaged after I graduated because there was NO way I could have done both!! Seriously! Hats off to you girl!! 👏👍

    After we graduate we are so excited to start putting DR. before our name; it was hard earned and we have looked forward to it for YEARS. But, in my experience, it really just speaks to your professional identity, and distinguishes you among peers. So, if you are at a symposium, then yes, you 100% want to be introduced as "Dr." because you are in that role [with that hat on if you will]. That may be a bit different than your wedding. For example, on my wedding day I am there to celebrate becoming FH's WIFE! I will be in that role.

    Here are a few points that I considered: Are you going to keep your maiden name professionally, hyphenate, or take his? What name are you taking personally? Are you both doctors? Consider your audience and how it could be perceived [this is something that should NOT come up, but let's be realistic; gender bias is real.]

    Personally, on my wedding day I want to announced and recognized with my new title of Mrs. Yy. My education/profession is irrelevant for that purpose [I am NOT on call that day LOL]. Smiley laugh So the credentials don't matter in that context. Now, I will say that I gave this a great deal of thought, and have been post-grad for 2 years, so the novelty has worn off, but for my wedding, I just want to be his wife. That's just where I landed on this.

    This is a VERY personal choice, and there is not a right or wrong way. It should be whatever feels right to you. Talk it over with FH and see what he thinks; he may want you to be introduced as DR. I hope this helps, or a least gives some food for thought in reaching your own conclusion.

    BTW: Have you thought about license and name changes yet? I am finding this daunting- there's the logistics, red tape, insurances, and established networking/client base.... uugggghh

    Congrats on your graduation and upcoming wedding!!

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  • CountryRoads
    Expert October 2018
    CountryRoads ·
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    Yes! I 100% agree with this.

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