Don't want my dad involved

Mom can totally walk you down the aisle!

Could you dance with your FFIL instead of your dad (while FH is dancing with FMIL)? Not sure if that would make it even more obvious that you weren't dancing with your own dad, but just an idea!

ETA and also, do you even want your dad to be there at all? Is he paying for the wedding? I only ask because I have a very strained relationship with my dad too, and I considered not even inviting him. He didn't pay for anything but I decided to have him there to not burn any bridges in case we try to salvage our relationship later on, but your situation with your dad might be different that it might make more sense for him not to even be there?

Are your parents together?

I feel like saying 'no' to your dad could be a huge slap in the face. If your're going to do some of these things, why even have him there at all?

At the end of the day - it's your call. My dad and I haven't had the best relationship and my family doesn't like him at all. I didn't invite his side of the family since I don't know them and haven't seen them since I was a child. He has popped back into my life and I decided to ask him to walk me down the aisle because I'm the type that doesn't want to regret it in the future but I did get my mom's blessing. We are not doing a father daughter dance but we are doing a mom's dance. Good luck with whatever you choose - only you know what is right and what you want to do on your big day!

My parents are together but it was my mom who pretty much raised us while my dad was working to provide for us. While my dad isn't paying, I suppose he is indirectly because I'm using some money that he gave to me a long time ago. I would absolutely invite my dad but I don't really want his role to be larger than just as a guest. Feels fake for him to walk me down the aisle, as if it means something to me for him to do it. My dad is also the old fashioned Chinese head of the household. If I do something he doesn't like, he blames my mom and says she didn't raise me properly. I also hate when my mom gets verbally abused for my actions. Another reason I don't want to but also want to just do the things he may expect. Its not even a conversation I know how to have with my dad, whether or not he would want to or care to do these things

Before getting into what you're suggesting, there was something that jumped out at me. You wrote, "He hasn't really been there for me ever except by providing financially for my family." That's all he's done? Well, that's doing a lot. I know what moms and kids go through when fathers refuse to meet their financial obligations. It's a nightmare of stress. I don't think it's an "except"...I think it's one of the foundations of parenthood.

And please, if your parents are married, you may want to reconsider your plans. You're putting your mother in a difficult position of accepting the honor of walking you down the aisle, but in doing so, she may feel pulled in two different directions because it will be obvious to everyone that dad is not considered a VIP.

Tiffany, you may not have a good relationship and you may not understand each other, but that's today. You'll grow, and with age comes wisdom, and he'll mellow. Whether or not you believe it, I can almost promise you that the man adores you.

I dont know your dad, or what he thinks about these things. Are these things he expects that are going to happen? Do you feel like he will likely not be happy when it happens, such as the mother son dance, but not the father daughter dance?

Would asking your mom to walk you down the aisle cause issues with your dad or even issues for your mother?

My dad won't be at my wedding so obviously I'm not doing the father daughter dance. I have a long and bad history with my dad so the thought of having to sit there while fh and his mom dance makes me really upset. I would feel so bad about not having my dad there and feel like it would just put a spotlight on me not being able to do that dance. But I knew I couldn't take that moment away from fh and his mom. So what we agreed on was that they would pick their song and when it came on they would go and dance together. The dj won't announce it and make a big thing but they will still be able to have their special moment.

If it were me I would just walk down the aisle by myself. My mom is walking me but my dad isn't in the picture at all so it's a little different. I also like the idea of having both of them walk you down because I think it would be a good way to keep the peace.

Rachel, you're absolutely right. I do agree that it's not a small thing. I think it's his way of being a father, although I think that's also why we can't get along and don't understand each other. You do make some really good points.

Beachy - I'm really not sure what he expects. I'm not sure how they do it in Taiwanese culture, but he did both of those things for my sister though.

Thanks to all of you for your input. Helps me put things in perspective.

I agree with Rachel.

This is a really big deal and not asking him to walk you down the aisle or not doing a first dance can really harm an already fragile relationship. Do you want a better relationship with your father in the future? If so, don't exclude him. It would be incredibly hurtful and pretty hard to come back from.

I totally get what you're going through and it's a difficult process!

My father is not invited, and my mom is going to walk me down the aisle and she is picking a song for us to do a mother/daughter dance to. Just because father/daughter is historically traditional does not mean that you have to adhere to those traditions. It sounds like you and mom have a good relationship, make those special moments between the two of you instead of being uncomfortable with your father!

You could always do a dance with your mom, OP.

I'm sure not being close or having a father you could rely on emotionally is very difficult and I'm so sorry. However, financially supporting a family is no easy task. May not give you the warm and fuzzies, but your family having food on the table, beds to sleep in, and a roof over their heads is far from "not being there."

@Elizabeth I don't really agree with that. You can provide financially, but if OP's dad is rude, blaming, and disrespectful, then he isn't really there for them. And like OP said, he's not paying for the wedding he was just financially supportive when she was growing up.

I'm agreeing with Rachel.

My situation is different, parents are split and dad is a deadbeat, but he's still invited (as a guest) and will not be receiving any honors besides being allowed to sit in the front row. We aren't doing a seating of the parents/grandparents, my mom is walking me down the aisle, and we aren't doing parent dances.

Mom can walk you down the aisle and my step sister even did a dance with her mom since her dad passed away