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Expert April 2018

Don’t Want Bachelorette Party vent

Millie, on February 13, 2018 at 8:38 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 14

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Hey ladies,

I am not having a wedding party. Just a MOH who hasn’t been a great person lately. Since my engagement, she has made a few rude comments about my fiancé’s looks or said things that makes me feel that she isn’t genuinely happy for me. She initially didn’t act this way when I first got engaged but this maybe due to the fact that she found her bf was married and they “broke up”. I was the one to tell her.
After that for my birthday (actually the day before) she was in town and wanted to hang out. My fiancé and I invited her over for dinner. The next day, she asked if I had plans. I told her that my mom was taking me out for a pedi/lunch and my fiancé had dinner plans. She begged me to cancel dinner plans with my fiancé and have dinner with her which I did. I was annoyed but became upset when she took a phone and left me at the table for an hour.

I recently drove several hours to see her during Christmas break instead of going to my graduation. The entire time I was there she was either working or bossing me around. She never showed me around town or asked if there was something that I wanted to do. It was her way or the highway. I figured at least I showed up. Once I left, she never called or text to thank me for coming or to see if I made it home safely.

I also passed my board exam and she never called/text to congratulate me on that. I just don’t know what her deal is.

Now she wants to plan a bachelorette party for me which I told her that I don’t want. I don’t have many friends, I’m still catching my breath from being in grad school for 3 years, and I honestly don’t want to spend another weekend with her bossing me around. Now she’s upset because I don’t want to go out of state and get a hotel with her for the weekend. I told her I’d rather do dinner when next she’s in town (btw she’s comes in town 1-2 times a month for work and doesn’t tell or call me).

I just want to be left alone and deal with her on the day of the wedding. Am I wrong?

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14 Comments

Latest activity by shante, on April 4, 2018 at 7:56 PM

Savvy March 2018
Natalia · on February 13, 2018 at 8:44 PM
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No, it’s your day. Do what makes you happy.
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Devoted September 2018
Neens · on February 13, 2018 at 8:53 PM
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Ugh I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. Have you mentioned to her how you have been feeling about all of this stuff? For the bachelorette- you’re not wrong at all, if you don’t want to do and out of town trip, thank her for offering and explain you just want to do a low key dinner to celebrate instead. Hopefully you can talk before your wedding and mend things enough so that you can enjoy each other’s company the day of. I would definitely try to talk to her.
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Devoted September 2018
Neens · on February 13, 2018 at 8:55 PM
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Ps I forgot to mention the part about her talking about your fiances looks- that’s unacceptable in my opinion and I would def not put up with that
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VIP September 2018
Michelle · on February 13, 2018 at 9:01 PM
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Do what makes you happy. I don’t have a ton of friends either so my MOH and my bridemen (2) and I are all just doing a road trip together. Nothing crazy. I also didn’t want an engagement party or a bridal shower or anything. Most people respect that but you get the occasional few who just won’t get it. Stand your ground, there’s no reason you need to go and be uncomfortable or annoyed. But if you think this is just a rut your in with your friendship and you might have fun then maybe go? It might end up being healing for you two.
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Expert June 2018
Denise · on February 13, 2018 at 9:02 PM
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She sounds like a hideous human being honestly.... I wouldn't even want her to stand next to me on my wedding day just based on the way she is treating you. Who begs a friend to cancel dinner plans with their FS so to go dinner with them anyway? Who talks crap about someone's FS looks? She sucks...
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Expert April 2018
Millie · on February 13, 2018 at 9:12 PM
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Thank you guys for responding. I thought about talking to her since we have been friends for so long but this behavior isn't new. It started about 10 years ago. It got so bad that I did have to speak to her about it and she basically dismissed me and we didn't speak for several months. She then called me like nothing ever happened. Her sister recently called me and said that she has also been very nasty to her and her mother as well. They both drove down to visit her a few months before I did and she kicked them out of her house because they did not do what she wanted. So this is not someone I want to spend another weekend with. I also feel like sometimes in life you outgrow people and we are in two different places in our lives. I wasn't going to have an MOH but my wedding planner forced me. So here we are.
@Neens- Yes, I was completely caught off guard by that!
@Michelle- I agree! I told my friends from work and cousins that I didn't want a bridal shower, engagement party, or bachelorette party. Most of them have gotten the hint but she keeps pushing the issue. I thanked her and explained to her that it doesn't make her any less of a friend by me declining the offer.
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Expert April 2018
Millie · on February 13, 2018 at 9:17 PM
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I know and you're exactly right! I just want to gradually move on after this wedding. In regards to the birthday dinner, I simply accommodated her because she was in town on my birthday and my fiance was okay with it. But she left me at the table for an hour to take a phone call.
The comment about my fiances looks: She was looking at pictures of her boyfriends wife and she said "She is so ugly. I don't see what he see's in her". I was floored. I responded. " Does that matter. It is his wife. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and frankly you are a beautiful girl and you can do better than him". She replied "Your fiance isn't cute at all so I wouldn't be talking". I was just trying to make her feel better and thats what she said to me.
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Expert June 2018
Denise · on February 13, 2018 at 9:21 PM
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Shut up... She did NOT say that about your FH.... I had a gay guy friend one time tell me that he didn't find my FH attractive at all but that he found a mutual friend of ours boyfriend attractive. Soooo rude! Needless to say, we aren't really friends anymore. I would seriously just drop this "friend". Like you mentioned, it sounds like you've outgrown her.
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Devoted July 2018
TeamTurnage12 · on February 13, 2018 at 9:22 PM
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Nope not at all. I feel u have to think bout Yourself sometimes and do wats best for u.Keep standing your ground or she will keep walking over u each time. Do the things that make u HAPPY!
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VIP July 2018
The Nuptials · on February 13, 2018 at 9:25 PM
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She doesn’t sound like a friend, not one bit. I would keep my distance. All these sacrifices and she just shows you her butt. NOPE! Don’t go away with her. And keep your guard up. I would slowly slink away from this ‘friend’. You skipped your graduation and she’s not even excited to see you? Hard pass.
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Expert April 2018
Millie · on February 13, 2018 at 9:53 PM
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Yes she did! I was sooooo mad! I don’t get why people say stuff like that! They’re not marrying that person. We are and we didn’t ask for your opinion. I wanted to say “ At least he isn’t married” but I figured I should be the bigger person. But looking back, I should have told her off. I just wasn’t raised that way.
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Expert April 2018
Millie · on February 13, 2018 at 9:55 PM
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You’re right! And that’s what I keep telling myself. My mom keeps telling me that I’m overreacting and I’m being a sensitive or a mean friend. I just feel like I’m not. I never say anything and I continue to deal with her. I’m being the bigger person. But I’m just over her at this point.
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Expert April 2018
Millie · on February 13, 2018 at 9:58 PM
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Thank you for understanding! I felt the same way! I felt so hurt and still do. And the crazy thing is that she wanted me to drive 4 hours to see her when she was just in my home state 2 days before and didn’t call me. Why insist that I drive to see you when we could’ve seen each other while you were here!!!!!
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Devoted November 2018
shante · on April 4, 2018 at 7:56 PM
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Oh hell no! She needs to go! You don't nees that miserable energy around you or your relationship.
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