Don't know what to do about friendship

Is your wedding 3+ years away? I'd just tell her you'll decide on dresses and things like that in 2023. There is no reason any wedding party planning should happen this far in advance.

I agree with what the PP said. Also if you have already told her that she is going to be a bridesmaid then there runs a high chance that it will create conflict if you take her out. Maybe you can tell her that you and your future spouse are only doing family in the bridal party?

I agree with the previous comments. Wedding party shouldn't be decided until within a year of the wedding. Relationships change quite a bit (even if you think they won't), and you'll find that many people on these forums have expressed regret over choosing their wedding party too soon. Since you already asked her to be a bridesmaid, it might ruin your friendship with her if you change your mind now. Have you told her about your change in plans? If not, then it makes sense that she still thinks that she is a bridesmaid in your wedding. Personally, I don't think there's a good way to tell her that you changed your mind without causing conflict. You may want to let her know that you're not ready to make plans for wedding party yet, and see how the next couple years play out. I also like the previous comment's suggestion of telling her you decided to do family-only in the wedding party. When it's closer to your wedding (around a year out), this issue might end up sorting itself out. If not, you can choose at that time whether you want her to be a bridesmaid or not. You could maybe ask her to do a reading at the ceremony instead, or some other task to make her feel included? Be warned that it may negatively affect your friendship with her if you choose to no longer include her as a bridesmaid.

If you're getting married 2+ years out then consider telling her that you wont be making any final decisions about details until a year before your wedding.

I’m sorry, you asked this friend to be your BM and now because she didn’t talk wedding with you when you wanted it or because you feel she ghosted you and your panties are in a twist you want to drop her from your bridal party?


First, your wedding is a ways off! Maybe you should’ve waited a at best 1.5 years out to ask anyone to be you. BM.
Maybe she was going through something personal and didn’t want to bother you with it because you’re wedding centric. Give her a break and maybe you could be a better friend. After all she called you everyday when she was in New Zealand and curious, how often did you reach out to her? Because you didn’t mention that.
If you don’t want her in your wedding, tell her. But don’t be surprised if you lose a friend

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I agree Margaret. Also, correct me if I’m misreading the post, but you decided you didn’t want her in the bridal party anymore, and you must have called to let her know? it kind of seems like you didn’t tell your friend.....?

Sometimes time passes quicker than we realize. Have you ever all of a sudden realized it had been weeks since you talked to a family member or friend? I have, and it’s never intentional.

I’m sure after a move home from a different country she had a lot of things to do, and family/friends to see.

If you no longer want her as a friend, then tell her she’s not in the wedding anymore.

Unfortunately you can’t marry removing someone from your bridal party with ‘no conflict’ (no pun intended). This tends to be a friendship ending move – it’s not always the case but it very well can eventuate to that. I think you should have a think about whether or not you’re willing to lose this friend before you do anything.

I am a firm believer in the old guidelines that wedding parties should not be chosen til the last 8-12 months. Particularly in the years most people marry, 18-35, people's lives and friendships change regularly. Moving for work, school, the military, or romantic partners interferes, not to mention pregnancies, marriages, and kids. The longer term you try to make plans, the more they have to be torn up and remade. So I think it would be natural, if friend brings it up, or you do, to say you got all excited and started making specific plans too soon. And then realised you do not want planning to get married to be your life theme, guiding what you do, and all your friendships, for more than 3 years of So as of now, you are putting things aside a couple years, and will base any plans on how things are then. Don't kick her out, and end a friendship that may repair itself, or die naturally.