Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Savvy July 2022

Does my husband pay all the bills?

Flag
Hide content

Jada, on August 24, 2022 at 12:45 PM

Hi ladies! I’m curious on whether or not I’m looking at this wrong. Yesterday my husband and I got in an argument because he got a bit behind on rent which he agreed would be his responsibility. I take care of all of my personal bills, our gas, electricity, internet, renter insurance and majority of the groceries. I’m also covering a bit over half of our wedding. The argument came from him not wanting to talk about the rent issue because “it’s not like you’re gonna help”.. he says he gets upset when talking about finances because he is solely responsible for paying for everything. When he says that I’m thinking, um.. the rent is the only thing your solely responsible for. Then he starts throwing up the dates and trips he’s paid for. But the facts are, we’ve taken 6 overseas trips. 2 in which my job at that time paid for my flight and our hotel so he just paid for his flight. 1 his job paid for everything and he covered our drinks. 2 we went 50/50 and 1 he paid all of. We’ve went to places domestic places like Vegas which is a few hr drive where he has also paid all. Before covid yes he took me on dates that he paid for but we have not went out nowhere as much in 2 yrs since covid but he still uses that. And I’m always soooo appreciative. Now we eat home a lot and I spend about $500 a month because we eat very well. Including the other stuff I mentioned earlier I pay for with no steady job. And I never ask him for help with the stuff I’m responsible for. Mind you I am in a creative industry so my money flow is off and on which he knew all along. Is it right for him to say he pays all the bills and is the only one who pays for trips as an argument to why he is upset about being behind on rent?

Show all

35 Comments

Just Said Yes April 2025
Terrell · on August 28, 2022 at 4:12 PM
Flag

Hide content
Damn that's really rough
- Reply
Savvy July 2022
Jada · on August 28, 2022 at 6:01 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I think this is exactly what it was.
- Reply
Just Said Yes October 2022
Peggy · on August 28, 2022 at 6:14 PM
Flag

Hide content
You are already paying for things and supporting financially. I would expect him to pay rent if he said so. You are not unfair in asking him to pay the rent on time. Of course he would pay for dates... It is not polite for him to list all the dates he paid for in my opinion.
- Reply
Just Said Yes July 2023
Marta · on August 28, 2022 at 6:33 PM
Flag

Hide content
The truth is that, regarding the trips, you have never paid him any amount of your pocket. But if he makes more money than you, your contribution is not gonna be 50/50, is gonna be proportional. I think now a days, we need to be independent. We have to stop expecting that, just because they are men, they have to pay for the biggest stuff + our trips and he just have to pay the minor expenses (groceries and utilities).
- Reply
Savvy July 2022
Jada · on August 28, 2022 at 6:54 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I can tell you did not thoroughly read the post. Thanks for your comment!
- Reply
Savvy July 2022
Jada · on August 28, 2022 at 7:01 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I’m assuming you are just commenting in general. Nothing in my post represents anything you’ve just said. Seems like you’re more used to women around you expecting things versus having agreements. It’s silly to expect something without having the other person you’re expecting it from agree to it. This seems like you’re projecting these thoughts from the women you have around you and not from what you’ve read in this post. Also, neither of us have paid each other any amount from our pocket. It’s like you read one sentence and started writing your comment. LOL be well
- Reply
Savvy July 2022
Jada · on August 28, 2022 at 7:04 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I agree Peggy.. He’s apologized for the way that he reacted. One thing I can say is he was a man who after a bit of time can come back and realize his fault. You are absolutely right
- Reply
Just Said Yes July 2023
Marta · on August 29, 2022 at 8:44 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Hello! I did read your post. All I’m saying is that looks like your husband is tired to put more money than you to hold the relation. (Understanding that the monthly rent is substantially more than utilities&groceries bills). My only advise is to clarify the contribution % because looks like he is not comfortable with you paying less than him.
Good luck!!
- Reply
Savvy July 2022
Jada · on August 29, 2022 at 8:56 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
No, what you said was a whole lot more than anything you got from my post. you cannot go into this generalization of women not having anything and not being independent just because their husbands pay the rent and you choose to show your independence by splitting bills with your husband. Nothing in my post told you that I could not take care of myself yet That’s where you chose to go with it. My husband is a man who wants to be the provider but as he later explained got embarrassed because he fell short. My tip to you is You must be careful about your generalizations on what men and women SHOULD be doing in their relationship when it comes to how finances should be. My husband is the type of man who will feel offended if I try to go 50-50 with him. Seemingly your husband wouldn’t, see… Everyone’s relationship is different. There is no what he or she SHOULD do it is what did he or she AGREE to and why didn’t he or she stick to the agreement. With all do respect, thanks!
- Reply
Savvy July 2022
Jada · on August 29, 2022 at 8:57 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Yes indeed, come to find out this is exactly what it was.
- Reply
Just Said Yes May 2023
Joshua · on August 29, 2022 at 9:51 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Split everything down the middle put money in a account you use to pay bills and just that . Then pay for your own stuff separately. That will save lots of fights ! Plus make another account for fun trips and stuff like that
- Reply
Savvy October 2022
Nicole · on August 30, 2022 at 12:41 PM
Flag

Hide content
No household is the same, you two have to discuss what works for you financially. People saying split it down the middle or 50/50 doesn't always work and in my opinion is more of a roommate set up. Idk if you've heard of Dave Ramsey but his financial videos are pretty good he even has some regarding marriage finances just search it on youtube. In my opinion marriage is two individuals becoming one in every aspect... you even combine debt and work on it together. There's no more me, I, mine its us and our. And throwing everything he paid in your face isn't right but to me it sounds like his ego was bruised by being late on the rent... Men have crazy prides and instead of asking for help and telling you he was struggling he built up resentment. Just open that line of communication and yall will be just fine
- Reply
Devoted August 2020
Alisa · on September 1, 2022 at 2:00 PM
Flag

Hide content
Right or wrong y'all need to get on the same page and quick. based on what you've shared here he's a bit delusional though lol. I would suggest a weekly or every other week relationship meeting and discuss budget issue at that time. keep everything written down for easy reference and be sure to approach this gently. Let him know that you are a team and need to work together. Let him know that it sounds like he's overwhelmed and you want to figure out together where you can adjust, cut back, rearrange or whatever you need to do to find peace.
- Reply
Rockstar October 2023
Michael · on September 5, 2022 at 1:04 PM
Flag

Hide content
I cannot be sure, but guys today often have been sidelined in education. They are made to feel inferior and have nothing to contribute. So they can lack motivation. Jordan Peterson's videos may help describe what has happened. It may take some encouragement and soul searching to help awaken him to a better sense of value.
- Reply

Denise · on September 15, 2022 at 11:28 PM
Flag

Hide content
I believe you two are not communicating well with each other. The two of you need to get together and honestly discuss financial management. As part of premarital counselling, I underwent couple's therapy before marriage. Our therapist said that money issues are a significant issue that tears apart couples and weddings. If we ignore it or talk rudely, it will ruin our relationship, so in my opinion, try to have a regular chat with him. If that doesn't work, talk to an existing couple therapist. They can guide you both in a better way.
- Reply