M
Just Said Yes June 2021

Does my future sister in law have to be a bridesmaid?

Morgan, on November 18, 2019 at 4:42 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 14
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Hey Everyone!

My fiancee is tired of me stressing over this so I've opted to get an outside opinion. My fiancee's twin brother is getting married a year before we are. I'm a bridesmaid in their wedding but the bride doesn't have many close friends. I on the other hand, have multiple close friends I want to include in my wedding party. Am I obligated to include my future sister in law? I'm worried she and my fiancee's brother will be upset if I don't ask her. We're not close and I've never spent time with her without the boys. My fiancee doesn't think I need to include her. He also has two older sisters (both older, married with kids) who I'm not asking to be in the wedding. They don't expect to be asked.


Thanks for any help! I'm so conflicted.

14 Comments

  • Vannesa
    Devoted October 2021
    Vannesa Online ·
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    I'm having my future sister in law as a bridesmaid. It will be FH brothers wife. She and I started out not liking each other at all and then became close. I feel as though you should have the people by your side that you couldn't imagine not having so if you don't feel the need or aren't close with her then you shouldn't have her in the party. Possibly invite her to things though?

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  • M
    Just Said Yes June 2021
    Morgan ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Thanks for the input! Yes, I would absolutely still invite her to bachelorette, bridal shower, etc. I think I'm over thinking this.

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    I would probably have all his sisters (including SIL) or none of them. It sounds like you're not super close, and you don't need to have her just because you're in their wedding. I agree with PP that I would invite her to your shower and bachelorette, etc, but no need to include her in the wedding party if you have others you'd rather ask.

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  • Chandra
    Master May 2019
    Chandra ·
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    You aren't obligated to reciprocate at all.
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  • Amber
    Dedicated October 2020
    Amber Online ·
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    You definitely aren't obligated. You can just involve her in the bridal shower or if you want something a little more you could invite her to the bachelorette party and/or have her do something special at the wedding, like hand out programs or something.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    You’re not obligated to make anyone a bridesmaid.
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  • Samantha
    Dedicated July 2020
    Samantha ·
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    I'm having one of my future sister in laws, who is my fiance's sister stand up, but not having my fiance's brothers wife stand up. Not going to lie, it did create some drama, so I agree with some of the comments below, probably a good idea to do all or none

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  • Laura
    Rockstar October 2019
    Laura ·
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    No you don't have to include her if you don't want to. Her feelings may be hurt if you don't though, so i'd prepare for that.

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  • M
    Savvy October 2020
    Megan ·
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    I have a similar issue in that my future mother in law wants me to ask my fiancé’s sister as a bridesmaid. But we aren’t very close and I already have all my girls chosen. I’m not going to ask her to be a bridesmaid but still include her in all the fun activities. Bridal shower, bachelorette, etc. I want her to be included but not a bridesmaid, so maybe that will work for you as well. Think about asking her to do something special so she feels included as well, so it won’t hurt her feelings as much. I’m asking my future sister in law to go wedding shoe shopping with me, she’s really into fashion, so the offer made her happy. Maybe think of something that would make her happy and feel included to create less drama and hurt feelings. Good luck!
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  • Kelsey
    Dedicated October 2020
    Kelsey Online ·
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    My future sister in law is my matron of honor but honestly she’s one of my best friends. I don’t know if I’d have her as a bridesmaid if she wasn’t and I had enough friends. My brother and my fiancé are fine, they get along but they aren’t close. He’s a groomsman simply because my fiancé didn’t want friends in his bridal party, just family and my maid of honors boyfriend. So the point of this was...I don’t think you’re obligated to have her. I wasn’t a bridesmaid in my FSIL’s wedding even though she’s my MOH (but my fiancé and I had just started dating when she picked her bridal party)
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  • Kelsi
    Dedicated June 2020
    Kelsi ·
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    I wouldn’t feel obligated but I would look at it as she’s going to be the one person (more than likely) that you’ll always have in your life. When you’re telling your kids about your weddings/showing them pictures, I think having their aunt in bridal party pictures and such will be really special. Especially all the stories that come from planning/dress shopping/bachelorette parties, etc. Those things will also strengthen your bond. I asked my FSIL because family is really important. Our weddings are 2 months apart and I’m in her wedding and the memories we’ve already made are so special.
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  • Benya
    Dedicated June 2020
    Benya ·
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    I'm not including my sister-in-law. I did ask my fiance if he wanted to and he said no. My brother is not in the wedding party either, so 🤷‍♀️. But she is going to be our reader and my brother is ushering and also escorting my mom down the aisle. I think as long as they feel somewhat included, it'll be ok
    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Rockstar December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    You definitely don't have to include your FSIL in the bridal party! Feel free to have only your nearest and dearest as BMs

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  • J
    Super April 2020
    Jennifer Online ·
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    I agree with PPs, you don't need to include her as a BM, but include her in all the festivities!

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