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Savvy October 2021

Does it make me selfish?

Valeria, on July 18, 2020 at 8:36 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 15

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Hello Ladies!

Like most brides on here, we have pushed our big wedding celebration and party to June 4th of next year. With that being said, we still want to get married on our original date of 10/02/2020. We live in WNY and are planning a small intimate wedding celebration with a nice dinner to follow for 25 people. It's looking like both will be indoors.
I have a bridesmaid who has expressed concern with coming, and I have let her know that if she feels uncomfortable that she does not have to come and there are no hard feelings. Last night she told me that she wanted to know what we are doing to keep our family and friends safe which had me thinking...
Is it selfish to still get married this year? Is it okay to have things indoors if it is only a small group of our loved ones and closest friends? The venue we are looking at has a thermometer installed at the front so it sounds like they are taking precautions. In addition, we will be getting married and having dinner in a room that has high ceilings and can normally fit 300 people.
I work in healthcare so I understand all of the concerns right now. But, we could be dealing with this for a long time and we are trying to make the best out of a really horrible situation.

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Latest activity by Aimee, on July 20, 2020 at 9:46 AM

Dedicated August 2020
· on July 18, 2020 at 8:45 AM
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I don't think it's selfish. You're doing your best and 25 people from 300 shows you are trying to slow the spread. I did something similar. I am still a little worried about indoor dining with our small group because I don't know where everyone's been or who they're hanging out with so I opted for outdoors.
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Savvy October 2021
Valeria · on July 18, 2020 at 8:47 AM
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Yeah, outdoors would make me feel a lot better. Unfortunately where we are at doesn't provide many outdoor options (other than putting a tent up in the backyard which we don't want to do). So we thought this would be the next best thing.
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Super February 2021
Kerin · on July 18, 2020 at 8:52 AM
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It is not selfish. You are taking precautions and making sure people know you won't be upset if they choose not to come.

Personally, I believe we need to keep ourselves and our communities safe, but we can't stop living!
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Super September 2020
Leanne · on July 18, 2020 at 8:52 AM
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No not selfish. We postponed from April to September of this year, and are moving forward. Can’t wait forever. BUT that being said we are modifying a lot:

Our ceremony is outdoors. Reception indoors but are spreading dining tables between two floors of our venue now instead of one. Hand sanitizers for everyone, changed from buffet to a plated and served meal.
Good luck with your day!
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Savvy October 2021
Valeria · on July 18, 2020 at 8:53 AM
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I totally agree!!! If we put our lives on hold with these events until COVID is done, we could be waiting two years before anything could happen.
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Devoted July 2020
Christina · on July 18, 2020 at 9:18 AM
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I think your far from selfish. You can’t stop living life and like you said no hard feelings if you don’t come. I’m sure it was hard to narrow it down to 25
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Savvy October 2021
Valeria · on July 18, 2020 at 9:25 AM
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Thank you so much! It was actually not as hard as I thought it was going to be. I also guess if I knew I was one of 25 people to be included in a wedding I would find a way to go all while following my own comfort levels. But that's just me.
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January 1895
Jessa · on July 18, 2020 at 9:40 AM
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This is the part that is very hard for family and friends. I am not attacking your personal plans just saying what I think in relation to a similar situation. We are invited to a wedding with 30 guests in September with an indoor church wedding and a restaurant reception. Everyone in the family is angry we are not comfortable with this and say we are the bad people for not wanting to be exposed. That as two out of 30 we should be honored to be included and that we are the selfish ones for putting any sort of damper on the brides plans. Yes, the 30 people are close family and friends of the bride and groom. No, we do not know every one of them. No, we haven't socialized with anyone indoors since March. Yes, I go to work every day and work in a private office with a door shut. The bride, groom and 5 other wedding guest work in either healthcare or law enforcement and interact with many in the public daily. Yet we are the jerks for not wanting to be indoors with them. Just because we are related doesn't mean we can't get the virus from them. Also, air conditioning is being looked at as a spreading source and cannot be ruled out at this time. It's the attitude that we should find a way to attend because that is what someone else would do that is very damaging. We are truly faced with attend against our own beliefs or truly damage family relations with the people closest to us.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 18, 2020 at 2:45 PM
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I don’t think it’s selfish I mean that’s the whole point of you moving your whole celebration to next year and you sound really understanding that if she feels uncomfortable it’s OK she doesn’t come. I think maybe her question was more so to bring up the conversation of how to make things safer or just to give you ideas. Because I do the same thing to my best friend and I know when I bring it up I do sometimes feel like maybe I sound like the safety police or something but my intention is that I just want to help her come up with ideas or just help her jog up in Her mind the idea that maybe these things need to happen because maybe she doesn’t think of it herself.
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Super July 2021
Aimee · on July 18, 2020 at 2:56 PM
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I got married last week and I work in healthcare as well. My friend who works in the NICU didn’t come and I completely understood. We all were distancing and I kept it under 15 people
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Expert September 2020
Riley · on July 19, 2020 at 12:22 AM
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My aunt has told me I am being selfish. I do not think so. We are socially distancing and providing masks. And I am stating that and "no hard feelings" type wording on my invites. So she can either come or not. We are doing our best we just don't want to wait anymore even if there is only 10 people. We have been together for 5 years and have already postponed 3 times this year.
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Savvy October 2021
Valeria · on July 20, 2020 at 6:05 AM
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That's horrible and I totally understand your concerns. Where I'm at, is dealing with someone who is a bridesmaid who is making me feel awful for still having something small and that we would put our family and loved ones at risk. I'm trying to tell her that if she doesn't feel comfortable she can stay home and she's fighting that but also fighting coming as well 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I am of the mentality that we don't want COVID to stop us because we could be dealing with this for a long time. However we will make adjustments to keep people safe if they come by scaling down to a bare minimum etc.
I don't think anyone should be made to feel bad...people shouldn't be made to feel bad if they want to stay home. They also shouldn't be made to feel bad if they push forward with things either.
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Savvy October 2021
Valeria · on July 20, 2020 at 6:08 AM
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First off Congratulations ♥️!!! Second, how were thingd at your celebration? Did people feel safe? Did it feel like a wedding given it was a much smaller scale?
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Savvy October 2021
Valeria · on July 20, 2020 at 6:10 AM
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I don't blame you at all!! I would feel the same way!!!

I'm also thinking of putting on my invite something along the lines of people will be social distancing however be prepared that the bride will be hugging close family members that she has been around this entire time...or something like that. Because I'm such a hugger and I'm not going to hug my family on my wedding day. I can already see the person who is giving me problems judging that.
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Super July 2021
Aimee · on July 20, 2020 at 9:46 AM
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Thank you! It was only 15 people and we made sure to group family members who were already close together. The ones who didn’t live together but traveled together got tested for Covid. It felt like a real wedding and it was less stressful with smaller number of people.
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Does it make me selfish?

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