Does ending an engagement mean ending a relationship? Desperately in Need of Advice

I think it just depends on you. I mean if you called it off it was for a reason that means maybe right now is not the time for you to get married. I think he needs to figure things out and you guys can still be in a relationship if he is willing to work at it. Its better this happened now and not after you have walked down the aisle so just see that way.

No, it doesn't always mean ending the relationship, but I think in this case, it should. "Getting things out of his system" usually means a guy wants to sleep around with more women before marriage. It sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do, and I think if you wait around for that to happen, it will end up causing you a lot of heartbreak.

I think you are right to call it off. I was given great advice years ago when I called off my first engagement. Ask yourself these two questions. Can you see yourself 5, 10, 20 years from now with him? Can you see yourself without him? If the answer yo the second question is yes he may not be the one.

I called off my first engagement after being in my brother s wedding and listening to the vows.

Yes, it does. If you wanted to wait to get married you do that by waiting to set the date but if you're gonna completely call off the engagement it's clearly at the point of no return. There's clearly something that isn't fixable going on. If someone calls off an engagement they clearly don't want to be with that person. The way he acts isn't something that's gonna be "fixed" just because you get married. You can't change a person.

I've seen this happen before to one of my best friends. They dated, broke up, got back together and got engaged (way too fast). She moved in with him and 2 weeks later he called off the engagement - clearly he wasn't ready. She made the very smart decision of ending the relationship because she thought "if he isn't ready to commit why should I stay". It was a tough decision but I am so proud of her for standing her ground and now she's with a better guy! And she's happier too!

No it does not. I was engaged in '06 but found out he had cheated on me. I called off the engagement and we tried to work it out, but I just couldn't trust him anymore. When I finally broke it off, I found out through one of his guy friends that he had been seeing 3 other girls behind my back, he wanted me to know so I'd never get back together with him and persue a relationship/guy worthy of my time and me. I was shocked that one of my exs friends was telling me this! But once I was distanced from the relationship I could see how unhealthy it was. Now that I'm with my now fiancé it's night and day!! I don't worry if he's out late, or talking to a girl, he's fine if I have guy friends, we don't really fight, he supports me in everything, etc. I know it's a rough decision, I've been there. But it sounds like you guy isn't ready for a committed relationship, engagement or not. As tough as it may be, it may be time to part ways.

I think you absolutely made the right decision. He sounds too immature for a committed relationship and you're right that you two aren't on the same page. It doesn't have to end the relationship, but in your case I think it should because I don't think he can be trusted right now.

Thank you everyone! I feel like you are all reassuring me of how I feel deep inside. I guess I was trying to hold on to a positive outcome to keep this going. So many people are excited for our wedding but I need to do what's best for me

Do what's best for you, first and foremost!! Some people will be disappointed because they were "excited" for your wedding. But if they are meant to be in your life as well, then they will understand that this must be tough for you and be there to support you no matter what.

I think that it can go either way with calling off the engagement, postponing of the wedding means just that but to me calling off an engagement means ending things. I think for your own sake that once he wanted to do the things he does I would just have to let it go anyway. It doesn't seem as if he's committed to being in a relationship with you because to me doing those things he's doing is being very disrespectful to you and you deserve better than that! Hugs hope it gets better or you find your way!!!

Your wedding is one day, but marriage is a lifetime, and if your friends are going to be butthurt about what is ONE DAY for them, and a potential lifetime for you, they probably aren't good friends. I'm just saying. But I'm sure that is only a couple of people and the rest of your friends are going to be there to help you in this transition and the roller coaster of emotions that come with it.

And you are absolutely making the right decision calling it off, what @Barbara said is totally true-what he said to you is BS man-code for "I just want to sleep around until I settle down" and that's not cool. You can, and you WILL, find better, and you will see the full depth of this guys' douchebaggery once you find a good guy to commit to Good luck lady! It will only get better from here!

Those are all red flags, id bail out asap

You're a strong person for making that kind of decision! remember that

I've seen it happen with a cousin and a good friend of mine. When the engagement was called off that was also the end of the relationship. Sorry. It is just to hard to make it work at that point.

Saying, "We're not ready to get married, so let's take a step back" is not the end of a relationship. A friend of mine ended her engagement without ending her relationship, although her relationship ended after that (like, another year later) because it still wasn't working.

But in your case, it sounds like your relationship isn't working. He approves of his cheating friends, and he likes dancing inappropriately with other women (it sounds), and he doesn't care that it makes you uncomfortable. That's not okay. Why marry someone who clearly disregards your feelings?

I think it means that you're mature enough to know it's not time yet, and when it is time there won't be any delays or "what ifs" if you're in love with each other it will be up to both of you to work through

I wouldn't tell a lot of family and friends and try to work it out between you two and trusted positive adults that have strong and healthy marriages

If his friends are all out and about and cheating doesn't mean he is, think of the expression "trust yet verify"

If he's not ready to be a husband, then you aren't ready to be HIS wife.

I'm sorry you have to be in this situation! But only you can get yourself out of it and decide what you really want. If you are having second thoughts about this guy, and clearly enough hesitation to call off a wedding, then you probably already know in your heart that he's not right for you. I used to be a very insecure person and once I started dating my FH I realized that I didn't have to feel insecure because he loved me at my best, my worst and everything in between. He has convinced me that there are good guys out there who are worth the wait and heartache to get to them. I hope you find peace and strength in yourself. I hope you see that you can thrive without the negative influence and that some day you realize the person that makes that supports you and encourages you and holds you up when you can't stand and protects you and cherishes you as the beautiful person you are.

I won't say that ending the engagement automatically means ending the relationship. I think you need to have a conversation about what's right for the 2 of you and if you want to work on staying together or move on. I think his behavior AND changing the date of the wedding tells me that he's not ready to be a husband and calling of the engagement is probably the best idea at the moment.

Do not hang on to something that isn't worth hanging on to. Especially if you are doing it because of security or comfort. It sounds like you've spoken to him about your concerns more than once and if nothing has changed it may be time to let go. Maybe take a step back and re-evaluate everything... apart.

I hope everything gets better for you! Be strong!

I think whether or not ending an engagement ends the relationship depends mainly on WHY the engagement was ended. It if was ended because of being unfaithful/not trustworthy/ uncommitted, which it sounds like in your case, I would end the relationship altogether and find someone who will love me too much to hurt me like that (because I am certainly not okay with him having relationships with other women like that, though other girls may be).

If, however, it was ended because the time was simply not right or there was a lot of other stuff that came up you had to deal with, you could always postpone the wedding (engagements can really be any length) or I guess you could "end" the engagement and get engaged again later. OR, if you decide getting married wasn't that important to you guys to begin with I guess you could end the engagement and continue your relationship as before. It really depends on the couple. For me, if a guy wasn't interested in getting married I would think he is playing around and wouldn't take him seriously but everyone has their own views and values.

In your case though, I would be completely honest and blunt with your FH and voice any concerns you have. See his response. If he really loves you (in my opinion), he will be sensitive to your concerns and do his best to make you happy and avoid hurting you. If he still insists he needs other relationships despite being with you, he either doesn't truly love you, or he's just too immature for a committed relationship, or both.

Just my personal opinion, but I wanted to give you my perspective. Definitely do whats best for you! If that means ending the engagement, don't be afraid to do so. Anyone who was really excited for the wedding because they love and care about you will respect your decision and the fact that you had the courage to end a potentially harmful relationship. I wish you all the best!