Do you have to invite the spouse?

View Quoted Comment Probably all of the above! I think we're going to have a problem either way. If we invite him so she isn't offended, he'll probably come even if she doesn't want him to to try to stick it to all of us. But if we don't invite him, he may throw a fit and give her a hard time. He also does not have a license due to a recent dui so I'm hoping that will prevent him from just showing up. Would it be a terrible idea to address her invitation as her and a guest so she has the choice to bring him or not?

I think this is something you’ll need to speak to your friend about. Depending when your wedding is she could be living with you at that time. I would definitely speak to thr friend and unfortunately you might have to invite him.

View Quoted Comment Yes, but she also refused to let her mother's bf of 6 years attend her wedding. Maybe she'll be more understanding since she herself has broken etiquette rules.

View Quoted Comment I get what your saying but him getting drunk and making a scene at my wedding by screaming at her would also be abuse. And something he's very capable of. I suppose I'll leave it up to her about what she wants me to do.

OMG I am going through something similar. My stepfather wants to bring his girlfriend. No one likes her, she hates me. I don't want her there. My mom passed away 14 years ago and I want her there, my stepfather called me selfish, it's been so stressful. How do you get away with it. When you find the answer I will look to how you did it.

SIGH..

I have friends who say, "This is your wedding, invite who you want" But I'm like you, I don't want to damage the relationship.

Abusers sometimes use situations like these to isolate the abused. Like PP said it might cause more trouble for her for him not be invited.

View Quoted Comment Yes, especially if you have to see the person again. I've literally met her husband 2 or 3 times. I probably won't have to see him much

I agree with Gretchen, although I completely understand where you’re coming from. I wouldn’t want him around either. Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do. And as much as you want your big day to be perfect, remember that other people won’t think of it that way. It’s likely that not allowing him to come would be even worse for her. If she can figure out a way to come without him that would be ideal, but talk to her before you make decisions for her. Worst case scenario, if he does come, at least you can easily call for police intervention if necessary. I know that would be horrible o your wedding day, but could be great for your friend in the big picture.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I definitely agree there. I feel bad that she's even put in this terrible situation but ultimately she'll need to make the choice. I can tell her it is up to her if she'd like him to come but if she doesn't want him to, she can always "blame" us and tell him its us making the decision. We don't have to feel his wrath but she does.

View Quoted Comment That’s a great idea about taking the blame