Do You Have To Get Along With Your Partner's Friends?

His best friend and I used to have a rocky relationship when we first started dating. We just couldn’t click. His friends and family are VERY protective of him and I feel like they thought I wasn’t in it for the long run. Fast forward 9 years and his best friend and I are super cool with each other and we’re getting married so I think it worked out lol

I read the article and I agree with it completely. I’m lucky in that our friends adore both of us, we hang out together as a group and we’re part of the sams guild(video game “family” brotherhood). I think your friends see your partner’s flaws long before you do and it’s important to pay attention. Maybe their flaws are just nitpicking or maybe they’re seeing red flags but it’s worth looking into.

I have a less than ideal relationship with his brother but since I see him once a year it’s nbd.

Luckily my my husband and I share a lot of friends because we went to undergrad together. In grad school his friends were much more mature, smart, and funny so they were easy to get along with.

My friends adore him because he is so kind and good to me. My older friends remember the hellscape which was dating so they think he’s awesome.

It it wouldn’t have been a deal breaker if they didn’t get along but I’d have a lot of questions

It’s a red flag if there’s issues with your SO’s friends. You can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep so if there are issues, I’d be concerned. I also love my friends and trust their judgment so if they didn’t like my SO I’d be concerned.

I think it's important for me to at least be cordial to FH's friends. I get along well with the majority of his friends and even consider some of them as my friends!

Definitely would have put a strain on our relationship if FH and I hated each other's friends!

View Quoted Comment

Do you think your relationship wouldn't have worked out if you couldn't get alone with his best friend?

View Quoted Comment

Thank you for sharing.

View Quoted Comment

What kind of questions would you have?

View Quoted Comment

"You can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep".

View Quoted Comment

I agree that not liking one another friends could put a strain on the relationship.

Luckily, I was friends with his childhood best friend group before I met him. I make it a point for us to all stay close still, even with mismatched schedules because I like them all so much.
However, we've had a rocky road a few times when our relationship was less than spectacular and not at it's strongest. When we were stationed in central Cali, his navy friends were a different breed. He had one in particular that hated me, like talking smack about me to people in my own house hated me. And FH would always take his side when I called him out for it.
But now, we're on the same page. I don't think you have to be friends with your spouse's friends, but you can't have a bad relationship without it affecting your relationship. Nowadays, all his friends ask to meet me because he talks about me all the time. I've never disliked any of them since and if any of them say something that can be construed as rude by him, he's all about clearing it up with them right away.

View Quoted Comment I would just ask if it was a matter of not vibing or if he did/said something offensive or rude. I know significant others often put up their best face for the person their dating so I’d want to make sure he didn’t say something rude, ignorant, or mean to them.

I had a sorority sister (obviously not a friend now) that begged me to break up with my husband back when we first decided to officially date. When I really started to question what he did or said that made her so upset I found out she was racially motivated and didn’t like that he didn’t come from a “good” family (his dads a potato farmer and his mom bakes bread for a small hometown bakery). She thought it was fine to hook up with him but thought I’d become a “no one” if I didn’t commit to a guy with family money.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for sharing.

View Quoted Comment Oh, I see. Thank you for clarifying.

I don’t think yo all have to be best fiends. But I think it is is important for everyone to get along.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with you.

I personally wasn't a huge fan of some of his friends but they grew on me. I think it's important we all get along though.

View Quoted Comment

Why weren't you a fan of his friends?

I always say that you marry into the family dynamics. And it's the same thing as the friend dynamics. Maybe, in some cases, you don't have to get along with the friends. But I do think it's a red flag. It would also be a dealbreaker for our lives. His entire friend group, including the parents, consider each other family. We spend holidays together, several weekdays together, and are aunts/uncles to each other's kids.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with you.