Do you ever feel like you’re disappointing people?

Sorry you're feeling this way! I've realized that emotions are on a different level when it comes to wedding planning.

I just had to tell my stepdad no to sending an invitation to his friend and his friend's wife because we already finalized the guest list and sent our invites about 2 1/2 weeks ago - so basically we're B-listing this couple and it's incredibly rude. He was really upset about it, but we can't afford to host any more people (we're paying for everything) and he's had since last year to note who he wanted invited and we could've accommodated them somehow then.

Like other PP's have said, you need to put your wants & needs before anyone else. It's your wedding day, and if you feel strongly about something, stay firm on it. Otherwise, the demands won't stop there.

For me, I seriously can't wait for the day to get here. All the drama and trying to please everyone has truly put a damper on my wedding planning and experience. Hopefully you can learn to let yourself off the hook and be confident in your decisions!

I am a reformed people pleaser so I can pass on this advice - my people-pleasing came from a place of not feeling worthy and a low self-esteem from being bullied as a child and teen. I only felt valuable when validated. I often made decisions against my better judgment, kept silent, said yes when I wanted to say no, and often put myself last in order to please others. It took may years to realize that 1. those who love you, still love you even if we are in respectful disagreement, 2. you teach people how to treat you 3. guilt is actually a selfish emotion as it makes it all about you, 4. It's not selfish to put yourself first - if you don't, who will? 5. Not everyone will like your choices (do you like everyone else's choices?), 6. when your motivation is to please at any cost, you are easily manipulated. I also found that "people pleasing" often left me sad, angry or confused. Saying no is empowering and sets up important boundaries for others to respect. It's okay for others to be disappointed, they'll get over it.

It's fine to tell your FH that you are looking forward to his performance but what will make you happy is watching him, not performing yourself. It's okay to tell your mother that your decision for your nephews is made and while you appreciate her input, that subject is no longer up for discussion. When you are clear, honest and straightforward with people (you don't need to justify yourself either), you will start to build the confidence and self-respect you deserve. Keep this up and it will get much easier over time.

I would feel the same way you would about having to sing. You proposed a very reasonable compromise - he wants to perform, so he can do his performance. He should be concerned about your well-being and not want to push you into something that would make you feel anxious and not have a good time. I think you are doing a great job and don't have anything at all to feel bad about.

I understand that you feel like you are disappointing everyone but the fact is that you can't please everyone. What is important is that you and your fiancé are happy about the decisions you make. After all, it's your and your fiancé's wedding. I used to get so stressed out about trying to please everyone that I wasn't happy. I had to slowly learn to make decisions that would please my fiancé and I before putting everyone else first.

That sounds like sticky situation and I am so sorry that your fun planning has been made un-fun by the anxiety of letting others down. You have handled both situations very well, so rest assured that if they are still let down, it is their fault for not compromising.

I know how it feels to be a people pleaser and its never fun because it sounds self-centered to say "its our wedding, its how we want our special day to be", but it is so necessary to say (at least to yourself) as a reminder that it is your day.

It sucks that you and FH disagreed on the whole singing thing. Maybe you can plan a lipsync song as a compromise? I hope that I was able to offer some advice and reassurance

First up: People are nuts.

Now onto your rant:

As far as the musical ordeal with FH goes, I feel you. My FH is extremely musically talented, he and his sister have played at every single siblings wedding thus far, either during the ceremony or during the first dance. I, on the other hand, am NOT musically inclined in the least bit. To me, being on stage 'singing' (re: I sound like a dying cat. Really great during 6 hour road trips and in the shower.. not so great in front of 150 people) sounds AWFUL and embarrassing. Swing it as an opportunity for your hubby to be to show off his talents and have the most important people in his life be there on stage with him. HIS opportunity for the spot light during a day where you might be considered as in the spotlight the majority of the time.

As far as the ordeal with other people putting their children/younger family members/dog groomers best friends baby sitter's children in your wedding ceremony... frankly, those people need to back off, it's not their time. BUT! That's not nice to say. I think you are being generous by asking the younger boys to be ushers. That's an important role and it's not overlooked. Theyre usually the first people that guests see and organize the guests appropriately. That's a bigger role than your mother might initially see. Giving them the opportunity to then walk your grandmother down the aisle gives them even more responsibility and I think that's a great role for them as they do not necessarily belong next to your FH as groomsmen. ((Also, they'll probably get bored standing up front and giving them actual responsibilities might work out for the best))

Now I'm rambling. You're doing a great job, you wont always please everyone but you're doing your best and THAT'S what matters.

Maybe you can sit on stage with him while he sings/plays to you? Or at the end of the performance you can get on stage and give him a kiss?