Hi All,
I have been following the board for a while now, but this is my first time actually posting. I am typically a very private person and wouldn't share a situation like this even with my close family, but following you all for a while I know that many of you have excellent advice and are very understanding and supportive. I thought I would give asking for input or even some encouraging words a try!
I apologize in advance for the length, but I want this all to make sense 
Some relevant info: My fiance and I are fairly young (in our mid and late 20s) and I love him dearly. We are newly engaged 
He is an incredibly doting, thoughtful, driven and energetic young man, a recent veteran of the US navy, and previously married ( I have never been previously engaged or married). Between his time as a Navy corpsman and a few years spent as a submariner, he endured many deployments and underways, and has seen and been through some difficult things.
He was very young when he joined the Navy and self-admittedly made mistakes as a very young man. I've heard this scenario is common - right before a deployment, his ex became pregnant, and because he loved her and in order to make sure she would be taken care of financially and health-wise while he was away, he married her and rented her a nice place to live.
Their marriage of 3 years was rocky as they were both young and had rushed into it - they did not know each other well enough. They ended up losing their child to miscarriage.
Long story short, upon returning home from a later deployment, he discovered that she was cheating on him, and naturally, things dissolved. He still loved her and was heartbroken, but as it is for many, cheating was as deal breaker and not something he could come back from. During the divorce, she took many of his things (tv, furniture, some personal items including his dog tags??) and was very verbally abusive, but he wanted to get through it as quickly as possible and let it all go.
The current problem: My fiance and his ex virtually never communicate unless absolutely necessary. They have not needed to in quite some time, but she reached out to him the other day via text. She had received a refund check from the state in which he was stationed while in the military - she had paid a State tax a while back that my Fiance told her NOT to pay: he was Active Duty at the time the tax would have been owed, and was exempt. She paid it anyway without doing any research, and of course received a refund check as it was not owed. The check has both their names on it, and she was told by her bank that she cannot deposit it without both their signatures.
To preface, she lives in a neighboring state and is about a 2.5 to 3 hour drive away. She seems to be somewhat unstable and sometimes the way she acts makes her seem a little crazy - when he has tried to ignore her correspondence in the past, she will ask HER father to contact my fiance. If that fails, she'll ask her mother to contact him - she's even gone so far as to contact his friends/coworkers from the Navy and ask them to get in touch with him so she can get his attention. Because of this, the easiest thing is just to address her problem as quickly as possible.
1. She refuses to mail the check, have him sign and return it because she is concerned that he will deposit the check and keep the money. This is insulting and ridiculous - my Fiance is an honest and good person, would never even consider this as it is her money, and he would never want to start that sort of headache - it's not his money and he doesn't want it.
2. If I understand correctly, it WOULD be legal for him to give her permission to sign the check in his place, but he is VERY concerned that she would take this liberty in the future without consulting him and cause serious issues, using this original permission to use his signature and abuse it. I understand this - she can behave very erratically and she is not kind...I wouldn't put it past her.
3. She wants to meet him in person to have him sign the refund check. When she first suggested this, he was vehemently against the idea, but she is causing such a headache that we both want to put it past us. By chance, we are going to be in her area for an event next weekend, and he kindly offered to meet her then AT HER CONVENIENCE. She complained about having to wait that long, and wanted to meet halfway this coming weekend, but he stood firm and said no...we'll meet you NEXT weekend, or you mail it.
The whole scenario makes me feel sick to my stomach. I feel like I'm making a big deal out of absolutely NOTHING, but I've felt stressed, protective and frustrated since she got in contact with him. She treated him terribly and he's being thoughtful enough to help her out, but I really wish there were a way we could take care of this without having to meet up with her.
Additionally, throughout this interaction she's said several times that "She's sorry it didn't work out" between them. That annoys me (maybe I'm being a little jealous?). I've tried to be supportive and level headed through this whole thing, but it's bothering me that he has to see her again.... and I really want to be with him when he meets with her, but I really don't want to meet her.
Are we missing a way out of this? Am I being jealous and ridiculous? If I'm making a big deal out of nothing and should just suck it up - PLEASE, say so! I don't share personal things like this with anyone and any advice would be very much appreciated. I've never had to deal with exes in any past relationship. I appreciate anyone making the effort to get through this silly story!
