Do we need to make cuts?

I definitely wouldn’t invite more than your venue capacity. While it may be rare that people get 100% attendance, it does happen and it would be super unfortunate if you ended up having to uninvite people just before the wedding.

To add, the venue max will include you two and it may possibly include any vendors you hire as well so keep that in mind.

Always prepare for 100% attendance because it happens more often than you realize. You and your vendors are included in the capacity count.


Cut all obligatory invites that are only to please other people. If you can’t imagine the day without them, invite them. Do not invite anyone not on that list. Cut out coworkers, parents’ friends/associates, anyone you are not close to. Make sure that list is final before any save the dates are sent because you cannot revoke an invitation at that point. Also do not do B listings.

Do not invite more than your venue fits.

View Quoted Comment Very true. The venue said it doesn’t include the vendors but I would be devastated if I had to uninvite anyone!

View Quoted Comment Ok there’s a few people I could probably cut out from work and some extra people my dad and his step mon want to invite so maybe I can get below the max. I might even look to cut kids at this point with how big our family is.

This is why I always recommend making a guest list prior to selecting a venue. I would start by cutting anyone like co-workers or parents friends.

View Quoted Comment We had to postpone due to covid and we were gonna do a destination wedding so our list was way smaller before and then we switched to a local venue we thought oh great this venue allows 80 more people so we added all the people back from when we first made the list and now that my dad and aunt are helping with the wedding we wanted to let them invite some people and now here we are 😅 I guess we’ll have to revisit in a few months to cut a few more!

View Quoted Comment If you cut kids, keep it consistent across the board. Have a cutoff of 18 with no exceptions for infants and flower/ring children so that you don’t offend anyone by allowing some children but not all.

View Quoted Comment Well the problem is my fiancé has 2 younger step brothers and 2 of his cousins either just had a baby and the other is due before the wedding (and my MOH just had a baby) so they would be allowed to bring theirs but anything outside of that I think would be ok to cut. If we just put the parents names on the cards, do you think they would KNOW it’s just them we are inviting or should we put on our website that not all kids are invited?

View Quoted Comment You cannot pick and choose which kids are invited and not invited unless you want to offend people. Many people do not read the website. Address the invite to adults only and say you have x seats reserved for them. If they reply with kids, you contact them immediately.

View Quoted Comment Oh that’s a good way to put it. I didn’t think of doing the X# of seats. We’ll revisit and see if we can cut more adults when we get down to the final count.

View Quoted Comment This is not true. You can absolutely pick and choose which under 18 guests are allowed and which aren’t.
Feel free to invite the babies belonging to those you listed above and not any others.

View Quoted Comment This. Just like you can invite some adults and not others (we only invited cousins we have a relationship with), you can invite kids in the same manner. It sounds like in your situation you’d only be making an exception for siblings and infants, which is totally fine.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!! I didn’t feel like I was doing anything wrong and it works just like adults! Such a great comparison!

Save the Dates are not a mandatory item, so I would send those only to people you are 100% positive will still be invited to your wedding in a year. Otherwise, since you have more guests desired than you can fit at this time, I would reevaluate at the time of invitations if all of those people are still people you would definitely want there and want to invite.

If most of your friends and family do not live out of the country, there is no need to send saves more than 8- 12 weeks before the usual 8 weeks invitation time. At 4-5 weeks you will already know many who cannot come, and whom you do don't want any longer. You will cut a chunk that way. ****†**†************ Also you are the hosts, not the guests. At any other party, do you allow the guests to make the guest list ? The usual is to choose the people you like before those you do not know as much. An obstacle is people saying, if you have one child, you must have all. If you say no to one, you must say it to all. Or you will miff other guests. ... Well, so what if your neighbors' kids and co-workers kids are not invited, but your relatives kids you are close to, are? Don't post it anywhere, any policy for people to argue with. Just put the child's name on their parents' invitation. You cannot be mean or unfair, only inviting just pretty kids for your pictures. But society here divides and selectively invites some children, not others, in social activity. Watch the door at a school prom. You will not see a bunch of 4,6,9 year olds holding on to their younger brothers and sisters, because if one in a family is invited, all others must be. And No 14 year olds in activities for scouts of 7-12, or of state chorus for 16-18. any not school based things. If you have a party 8 pm to midnight, primarily adults talking and drinking and dancing, it is fine to declare the past bedtime party not suitable for those not in high school or all kids. Inviting kids closer in feelings,, not distant, makes sense. It is how you chose adult guests.😊 Parents need to be able to explain to their kids by age 8 that families who can ( or want to) host 8 guests for a birthday, will invite their favored friends, not just anyone in their neighborhood, or school or church. And parents who ask for exceptions will usually be told, NO. Host rules. I have 5 kids, who are regularly split up by age and friendships. Practice telling people, the way you do if MIL interferes and wants to add an 18 person garden club. Do you just do it?
"As hosts , we had to limit our list to people we feel closest too. That left room for very few children. I hope you understand." After that? "Well, we are the hosts of this party, and this is our choice to make."
No babyish, it is not fair. it is not fair. No, we never leave our children with babysitters, their choice, and if they do not wish to come...None of this is the host's concern.

View Quoted Comment That’s a great idea! I might have to do that in case we can’t get our list down in time

View Quoted Comment Thank you Judith! I always appreciate your comments as they are well thought out and help to make sense of things! Thank you! I’ll talk more with my FH about what WE want and hopefully we can get everyone on the same page!