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Alexandria
Savvy October 2021

Do we invite bil new girlfriend and kids?

Alexandria, on May 14, 2021 at 4:54 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 17

Hello Everyone,

Do I have to extend an invitation to my brother in law's new girlfriend and kids? They just moved in together and we have yet to meet his girlfriend and her kids. Our wedding is in 4 months and we'd barely meet her once or twice before that since they are out of state. I'm having a small intimate wedding but this person is a total stranger to me. I'm just looking for feedback on what you all think.

17 Comments

Latest activity by Florida Marlins, on May 20, 2021 at 8:28 AM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    If you aren’t inviting other children, I don’t think her kids need to be invited, but you should absolutely invite the girlfriend. They are clearly in a committed relationship if they live together with her kids and should be treated like any other person in the same kind of relationship.
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  • J
    Super March 2022
    JA ·
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    As people have said before, couples are a social unit. It would be rude not to invite her especially because they live together.

    Will there be other kids at the wedding? If not then you don't need to invite the kids, but if you have other kids invited then you should invite their kids too.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    A significant other is an automatic invite. Doesn’t matter if you have met her. You can’t ask people to celebrate your relationship while ignoring theirs. Kids are always optional.
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  • Alexandria
    Savvy October 2021
    Alexandria ·
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    No children at the wedding except two in the wedding party which is my brother in law's boys. That's it. Thanks for your feedback!

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  • Scandalousrandallous
    Devoted July 2023
    Scandalousrandallous ·
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    Perfect, make it clear to BIL that he can bring her but youʻre not having other guestsʻ kids there so itʻs just an event for them two Smiley smile

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  • Grace
    Super February 2022
    Grace ·
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    I agree you should invite the gf. Regardless of if you have met, she and your BIL are a couple and should be invited together. Kids can either be invited or not depending on if others are going to be there.
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  • S
    Expert November 2021
    Sara ·
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    Yes to the girlfriend, no to her kids (especially if the only kids in attendance will be those in the wedding party)

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    You should definitely invite her, but you don't need to invite her children since the only other children are the ones in the wedding.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    They have made it clear, they are a couple, and 4 months down the line, more so. You should be inviting both halves of any established couple, though you may not know one yet. Not just casual dates, but clearly couples. As for knowing the girlfriend, yes it is time for you to make an effort to meet her, out of respect for your brother. Whether or not to invite these kids or any kids is up to you.
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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    I would definitely extend the invite to the girlfriend, but not to her children.
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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    Yes, you should invite his SO. It doesn't't matter how well you know her; they are a social unit. The kids are up to you on whether to invite them or not.

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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    I had an almost identical situation. We had 15 guests and my brothers girlfriend, who I met at the wedding, was one of them. Her son was not invited as we didn’t have other children and a tiny guest list.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    If you are having a child free wedding then her kids don't need to be their. However when it comes to her it doesn't matter how long you've known her or don't know her at all, she is his SO and it sounds like they are pretty serious so she should be invited with him.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    100% exactly
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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    My rule of thumb is couples established at the time Save the Dates go out (usually 6 months before the wedding) are invited as a unit. For relationships that form between the time that STDs go out and invites go out (so typically 2-6 months prior to the wedding), SOs are invited on a case by case basis. If your bestie starts dating a new guy 5 months before your wedding and you end up hanging out with them all the time, go ahead and add him onto your invite, but don't feel obligated to include the new girl your coworker started dating two weeks before you go to plop your invitations in the mail. If you feel like your brother and his new girlfriend are serious, I would probably include her. Once invites go out, the numbers are set, and I don't feel like you need to accomodate any relationship less than a couple months old.

    Even if you decide to include your brother's new girlfriend, I would not invite her children if you want a kids free wedding. You are under no obligation to include children if you don't want to.

    Assuming you are following traditional timeframes, you've already sent out STDs and have at least another month before you will need to plop invites in the mail. I would reassess the situation and your feelings closer to the time when you are planning to send invitations. You may have a better sense of where the relationship stands in another two months time.

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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    Absolutely to the girlfriend. Inviting the kids is not necessary
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  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
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    All this - she is her half of a social unit but the kids can stay home. If she won't come w/out the kids.....oh well. See you at the bbq!

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