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Ann
Beginner November 2019

Do not invite list

Ann, on August 5, 2019 at 12:07 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9
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Hi all! There are two specific people (our ex coworkers) my fiancé wants to invite to the Reception, who I don’t want there. He says they are very close to him. We both used to work with them in our previous company. They have hurt me in the past at work, and caused me a lot of emotional stress. Having them there will bring back the negative memories and give me anxiety. My fiancé isn’t understanding that and is telling me to grow up and move on. He says they are already paying the price for hurting me in the past. And they keep asking him about his wedding so is really awkward for him not to invite them. I really do not want them there, is that too much for me to ask??!!

9 Comments

Latest activity by Brae, on August 5, 2019 at 12:15 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I would be more concerned about why your FH has a close personal relationship with anyone who has hurt you. That’s a major red flag to me.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    I totally agree.

    It is absolutely not unreasonable for you not to want people who have hurt you at your wedding. And at that, they’re “ex” co-workers. No reason to invite them. Your fiancé should support you.
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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    This, 100%.

    Anxiety is a huge deal. Do you really want to marry a man who tells you to "grow up" and "get over" your legitimate feelings? Please do what's best for your mental health!

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  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
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    Yes me to.
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  • N
    Expert August 2019
    N ·
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    This is about both of you guys. Your feelings are legitimate and HE should stop making a big deal out of it. HE can suck it up and say there was no room or that they plain aren’t invited.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Agreed.

    Not only that, but how could someone who is choosing you to spend their life with basically side with people who have hurt you by telling you to grow up and move on? I don’t know that I could marry someone who had that attitude toward me.
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  • Laura
    Master October 2019
    Laura ·
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    Same thing I was thinking.

    I would tell him how important is is to you that they not be there. It's your day too. I would ask him what is more important, your feelings, or him feeling awkward around them. You said he told you they're "paying the price" for hurting you. I'm not sure what he means by that, it sounds like if they come to the wedding the only one suffering is you.

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  • Crisa
    Expert January 2020
    Crisa ·
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    I agree with the other people that are saying it's not fair to you. Part of growing up and moving on is knowing when something or someone isnt good for you and choosing to keep that negativity out of your life. Your wedding day should be happy and wonderful. I dont think it's fair for you to spend the day with people who hurt you before.
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  • Brae
    VIP September 2019
    Brae ·
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    Echoing all other replies.

    A guest list has to be a compromise and there are some people my fh wanted to invite that I couldn't care less about them coming, but we invited them because it's his wedding as well. HOWEVER these people have never hurt me, caused me problems, etc. A marriage is a partnership and it would really bother me if my husband did not support me.
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