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Expert June 2021

Do i still have to invite them?

on February 18, 2020 at 3:59 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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So I know the proper etiquette for married couples are to invite them both to respect the union. I completely understand that and agree but what if there are tensions with the two husbands with the rest of the family? My sister personally has a big issue with one of our uncles I will not go into details but it’s big and I don’t want to upset her. She’s my sister and in my bridal party and I want her comfortable and happy. Is it okay to invite his wife (our mothers sister) and their two children ages 18-21? And there’s another man with whom have crazy tension within the family after a stunt he pulled towards one of our younger cousins. This man is not blood family he recently married my cousin. But with all the bad blood do I have to still invite him? Can I just invite my cousin?

Thanks any advice and input is very helpful

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Samantha, on February 19, 2020 at 12:15 PM

Master September 2019
Sherry · on February 18, 2020 at 4:03 PM
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If they are adults, they should be able to set their differences aside for 1 day! If you don't think they can do that then you can either invite none of them and completely avoid any possibility for drama or invite the couples you want there over the others understanding that someone is going to have hurt feelings. Regardless, I do not think you should invite only half of a couple.
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on February 18, 2020 at 4:04 PM
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Are the wives (the relatives you will be inviting) aware of these tensions/would they understand why you are not inviting their husbands?

I mean in general yes you are supposed to invite everyone’s spouse but we didn’t invite my abusive MIL, and my FIL knew perfectly well why his wife wasn’t invited so that’s one situation where “etiquette” went out the window.

Really depends on the situation with your family though and how you think they would react.
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Expert June 2021
· on February 18, 2020 at 4:14 PM
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Yes the wives know the tensions and drama circulating around. It’s actually caused some distance and rivalries but I’m not at the center of them. But since one concerns my sister I want to put her first. Part of me feels like they most likely wouldn’t come since it’s only addressed to one and both couples are out of state so I don’t know if I should even bother inviting them. But on the other hand I don’t want the wives to think I have an issue with them for not inviting them. It’s a sucky situation all around and I don’t know the best way to handle it.
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VIP September 2020
Neeva · on February 18, 2020 at 4:58 PM
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Either invite the couples or don't, you came invite just the women. I would not invite them given the situation
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Expert May 2021
Chantal · on February 18, 2020 at 5:04 PM
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The biggest concern would be them coming anyway, since it's hard to include a "and you're specifically NOT invited" note in the RSVP to the drama kings. I think you are going to either invite them both or not at all, unfortunately, if you want to guarantee the uncles not coming. You could also just invite your aunt and cousins by name on the invitation and cross your fingers. But if there is tension and you have a viable reason for not inviting them, I don't think you need to worry about etiquette.
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Devoted October 2020
Stephanie · on February 18, 2020 at 5:22 PM
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You can invite and not invite whoever you want! There are no rules!
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Expert February 2020
Givemeallthepups · on February 18, 2020 at 7:25 PM
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I would lean towards just not inviting the couple. It sounds like you’re kind of indifferent if they’re there anyways.
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Expert October 2021
Samantha · on February 19, 2020 at 12:15 PM
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Call them, talk to them about the situation and come to an understanding. They may decide to come solo anyway.
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