Do i need a Moh?

Honestly, I wouldn’t have any of them as MOH. A MOH isn’t required and there are no specific duties required other than wearing a dress day of. It seems like you don’t have a great relationship with any of these women for one reason or another.

As Hannah said, an MOH is not required at all. Also, neither is having a bridal party. As all three seem to have either bully or pushy personality traits, I wouldn’t ask any to be MOH. Maybe not even in the bridal party as having them close like that will give them the opportunity to attempt pushing opinions on you or that family member bullying you. Now if you feel you can tread through their shortcomings as just bridesmaids, then feel free to have a wedding party.


Duties for any bridesmaids, including MOHs are really only to get the outfit and show up day-of. As nice as it would be for them to perform more “duties” during wedding planning, I can say you’ll save yourself from the pushiness and decision-judgements by NOT expecting anything more from them than dress and showing up.

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That's what I want to do! However, I am getting backlash from my fiancé (he's having a Best Man) and our parents (who are more traditional). They're worrying about introductions and speeches which is making me think I'm in the wrong. I appreciate knowing someone else out there thinks this is a fine decision

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Thank you! Exactly! I love how you worded this! I'm going to try to explain it this way to my fiancé and family. Hopefully there will be some understanding and compromising. Weddings are stressful enough and this is just one stressor I don't want to have.

Well if they're all like a sister to you, you have some shifty sisters. 😂

Why is candidate #1 even your friend? Life is too short to deal with bullies and mean people.
Candidate 2 and 3 don't sound awful but you don't need to have a matron of honor.
Also there are no "duties" that candidate #2 wouldn't be able to do? If she can buy the dress and make the flight for the wedding then you're set!

These women sound awful to be honest. I wouldn't even want them in my bridal party yet alone as matron of honor.

I don’t think having anyone with pushy opinions will be good to have as an MOH. My sister was mine and honestly I only asked her to be there day of and didn’t require anything of her at all. Having one isn’t a requirement and neither is a wedding party and honestly if you’re okay with it you don’t have to have anyone stand on your side even if your fiancé has a best man! It’s all up to personal preference. As far as speeches go we didn’t have anyone (we would’ve hated it lol) so if your parents feel there should be a speech they can always do it or you can ask specific people if they’d like to do it still!

The MOH doesn't really have duties. The role is really to honour someone who is very important in your life. I'm not sure any of the people you've described fit into that category, but that's your call. Also, sides don't have to be even between the bride and groom.

I'd choose none of them. Your FS can still have a best man and he can be seated during the ceremony. If he just wants someone to give a speech (does happen), this person doesn't need a title, nor does he have to be a man at all. You two are the focal point and reason for the wedding, not others. Modernize your parents-- younger generations don't keep toxic or obligatory friendships for appearances sake.

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Introductions are optional and a bit awkward to be reintroduced if you've already been socializing with guests at cocktail hour. Most guests prefer zero to few short speeches as it halts the party.

*** UPDATE ***

I know its easy from what I've shared above to crap all over these ladies but please understand I'm sharing the reasons why I'm unsure of giving them the MOH title. Everyone has good and bad qualities! A general description of my concerns isn't a full encompassing description of their character!

My first candidate, the family member, from ages 3-13 we were inseparable! We were each others favorite person! Today she is still the number one person I can call in any crisis and she there with a ear to listen and an unjudging heart. My second candidate, the one over seas, she was my platonic soul mate for over 20 years (Se4 Ep1 of Sex and the City; you may know what I mean)! The last few years, yes things have change, but not so astronomically that I wouldn't consider her MoH material. She's always seen the best in me when I can't see it in myself. My last candidate, my pushy friend, actually pushed me into dating my now fiancé! She is my biggest cheerleader in life! She gives me the kind of support and encouragement I wish I got in my childhood, but am grateful to have found in college and to still have today! Everything she does is genuine and comes from the heart, which is hard to find!

Hope this helps paint and better picture of them. Overall , I'm leaning towards just not having a MoH. It'll make it all easier. Thanks for reading and sorry to waist your time.

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It's not a waste! Welcome to WW, and please post whatever questions you have