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Just Said Yes September 2019

Do i have to invite someone's girlfriend who dislikes me and who isn't family

Emily, on August 13, 2019 at 5:49 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11

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My FH's good friend has a girlfriend who has never been nice to me. Until Christmas Eve it was snarky comments, an occaisonal berating, and lots of eye rolling. She's the type of girl who doesn't have any friends who are girls. this past Christmas Eve we were at a party at their house and she physically came at me (for not giving her a good enough hug goodbye) and her boyfriend had to hold her back while my FH and I ran out the door. I thought I would be the better person and take one for the team so I reluctantly told my FH that if his close friend brought her I would be fine. He recently met up with this friend and his girlfriend wants me to apologize to her for the incident on Christmas Eve. We are having a large wedding and I have family coming in from the UK and Africa and I don't want to risk having someone who is very unstable and hates me at the wedding. She is an excessive drinker and cannot hold her liquor and we are having an open bar. I'm so upset about it that I haven't had anything to eat for two days because I don't feel physically safe around this person. I don't know why I can't get over what happened but I just can't. How do I tell my FH that I don't feel safe and she isn't welcome at our wedding?

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Daniella, on August 14, 2019 at 10:05 PM

Champion August 2017
Mrsbdg · on August 13, 2019 at 5:53 PM
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You don’t have to invite her. It is a total possibility your FH’s good friend may choose to decline attending your wedding, though so I would talk it out with him.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on August 13, 2019 at 6:16 PM
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She attempted to assault you and you feel unsafe around her. You don't need to be in her presence ever again in my opinion, she's not invited to your wedding. Frankly I'd have fiance talk to this friend and make sure she isn't violent at home to the poor guy too.
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Master October 2020
Mandi · on August 13, 2019 at 7:28 PM
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You should feel safe. Especially at your own wedding. Tell your fiance Ms. CoocooForCocoaPuffs isnt on the guest list and let her boyfriend know. They shouldn't be shocked.
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Expert November 2020
Cheryl · on August 13, 2019 at 7:38 PM
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Standard etiquette says yes they're a social unit, blah, blah, blah, but this isnt a standard situation. It's never ok to attempt to physically assault someone and then ask for an apology. Why would FH's good friend even want to be with someone like that? No thanks.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on August 13, 2019 at 8:02 PM
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She tried to attack you, which definitely crosses the line! Don't invite her. Your safety is the most important!
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Master October 2019
Laura · on August 13, 2019 at 8:25 PM
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You don't need to and shouldn't invite her. She came at you about a hug yet wants you to apologize? she doesn't sound stable. You shouldn't have to get over something that wasn't your fault.
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Dedicated May 2021
Meghan · on August 13, 2019 at 8:42 PM
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You have to be honest with him about the situation and he should understand and want the same thing. That's a little overwhelming to have to deal with on a normal day, let alone a day that is about celebrating yours and your FH's love and marriage.
I say don't invite her. There's some distant relatives I'm not inviting to our wedding based on the last time they were at a family wedding, we had to call the cops.
Its not a day to worry about your safety. Someone who doesn't like you shouldn't be at your wedding, in my opinion
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VIP September 2020
Willow · on August 13, 2019 at 10:21 PM
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"This woman tried to attack me for not giving her a good enough hug. We had to escape while her boyfriend had to hold her back. She drinks too much and can't hold her liquor. I don't feel physically safe around her. I haven't been able to eat for the past 2 days. Any apology she wants to give is meaningless because her behavior was violent and outrageous. I don't feel comfortable with her at our wedding. She needs to be disinvited."
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Master 0000
Judith · on August 13, 2019 at 11:12 PM
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Exactly as above: I don't feel safe, and I do not want her at the wedding . . . . This is not a minor personality clash, where you need to swallow it and consider her part of the guy's social unit. He may not come, his choice. But he knows exactly why, having held her back previously. And if he still wants her to come, he is making the statement he cares about her, more than you. Fine. Friendships can survive missing someone's wedding. As long as you avoid argument. You or FI, whoever calls this guy friend, need to give him an advance heads up so he does not assume she is invited.
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Expert August 2020
Heather · on August 14, 2019 at 8:49 AM
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I would have your FH talk to his friend about it. FH should stand firm that you don’t want this girl there. His friend should understand that - she physically tried to attack you! Why would you want to risk a psycho like that at your wedding. Hell no girl ! His friend may choose not to come, but that’s on him. Since his girlfriend tried to physically attack you, he should have her apologize to you. I’m sorry you’re so stressed out about this, but you and FH are starting your life together and are a team! I’m sure he’ll have your back.
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Savvy April 2021
Daniella · on August 14, 2019 at 10:05 PM
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I wouldn’t spend my good money on someone who tried to attack me. It’s your day and you need to feel safe at your own wedding!
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