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Just Said Yes July 2020

Do i have to invite my fiance’s sister in law’s parents?

Jewisian, on December 26, 2018 at 1:33 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 20
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Hi, I’ve been very stressed about this for awhile. My fiancé’s and I don’t get along with my fiance’s sister in law (my fiancé’s brother’s wife). She wants nothing to do with my fiance’s side of family and it’s always about her side of family. I’ve met her family twice so far and they are very overwhelming, all up in your business and it’s always about them. My fiancé and I don’t have any relationship with my fiance’s sister in law and I am pretty sure she hates me. My future in laws told us it’s the proper etiquette to invite in laws so try to avoid any drama we told them her parents can come. But now they want to invite her brothers, their wife and girlfriend. My fiancé’s parents and my parents are paying for the wedding 50/50 but since my family is coming from overseas it’s mostly going to be my fiance’s family and his parents friends.
We really don’t want to invite her siblings and their +1s and even her parents.
Is it true that is the proper etiquette? What do I do?

20 Comments

Latest activity by Jana, on August 2, 2020 at 10:34 PM
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    What?! I’ve never heard of this. Crap, wish you didn’t invite your fiance SIL’s in-laws. But now that done, that’s it. No, tell her the invite is for her parents only. Maybe they’ll all decide not to come. 😁👍
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Wait, have you not told your fiance’s SIL her parents can come yet? What does your fiancé say? I say no way. It’s not common. Feels like it’s your fiance’s parents to make nice but not the right place. They can chill with them on their own time. Your wedding should really be your closest friends & family.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Nothing in etiquette requires that you invite any of your FBIL's wife's family, nothing. If you hardly know her, and do not socialize with her family personally ( you and FI) you have no reason to invite any of them. They are related by marriage only to FBIL, not to your FI in any way. Whoever is telling you this , it is not any traditional etiquette here. Your FI parents might want to extend invitations to things at their home generally, but your wedding is centered around you two, not all of FI siblings except husbands and wives. You are stuck now with the parents, they can come or decline, but no need for FBIL's wife's siblings and SO of Siblings. Say NO.
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  • J
    Just Said Yes July 2020
    Jewisian ·
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    We told my in laws we will allow inviting her parents but no siblings which we thought that was the end of discussion but my in laws brought it up again try to convince us to invite her siblings as well. My fiancé told his parents no but I have a feeling they will try to convince us again...

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  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
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    Hell no. Not required by etiquette at all.
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  • Cassandra7
    Super August 2006
    Cassandra7 ·
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    Sounds like you have very pushy future in-laws, and I don't mean your fiance's brother's wife.

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  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    I wouldn’t and I don’t think it’s necessary. I’m not even inviting my own stepmoms side of the family. I did grow up with them somewhat but now haven’t talked to them in over five years.
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  • M
    Expert September 2018
    M ·
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    No. That's way far removed and i never would have thought to invite them. To me rhat's like did you invite your brothers mail carrier.

    We kept our wedding small (110) inviting really only people we knew well and couldn't imagine getting married without.
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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    We invited my sisters Future in laws. But we like them and usually they come to Christmas. Their son is their only family here and it thought it was nice to extend the invite! We never would have invited the sister. Although now her nephew lives with them so he got added on.
    But, if you don’t like these people I wouldn’t invite them. If the parents have already gotten an invitation you can’t go back on that but definitely make it known that the invitation is for 2 only.
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  • Kristen
    VIP August 2018
    Kristen ·
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    I've never heard of having to invite an extended family member's family to your wedding. If you're not close with them and actively think she hates you then I don't see why you should do that.

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  • Maren
    Champion October 2021
    Maren ·
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    Hi Jessica! Welcome to WeddingWire and congrats on your engagement!

    Agreeing with the others here: you are not required to invite anyone and it is definitely not mandatory. Smiley heart How many guests are invited in-total to your wedding?

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  • HayMrsO
    Master October 2018
    HayMrsO ·
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    I don't think you are required to invite them at all. I would stick with no and leave it at that. Do they invite you to their house for anything? If the answer is no, they should not be invited to your wedding.

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  • P
    Devoted October 2018
    persimonefink ·
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    I think it depends on the culture and the relationship he has with her and her family. If my brother gets married and has a wedding, he'd invite my in-laws (but not my husbands half brothers who he's never met). My cousins family has invited her in-laws plus siblings of husband to every sing family event because they're all close. You're not. Say NO and stick to it.

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  • J
    Just Said Yes July 2020
    Jewisian ·
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    Thank you so much everyone for responding! We haven’t sent out save the date yet so we still have a room to remove my fiance’s sister in law’s parents. And yes you are correct - my future in laws are very pushy especially they are paying 50% of the wedding. My theory is that they are entitled to be pushy because they are paying half of it.. We are having a 150 people wedding. My future in laws are keep saying it’s only proper etiquette/tradition to invite in laws and their family so I ended up adding my brother and sister’s in laws and we have little too many people in our guest list... I am certainly not enjoying this wedding planning because of my future in laws trying to control over this wedding planning
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  • E
    Super October 2017
    Emily ·
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    You've already invited her inlaws so that's done. But that does not mean they get to invite other people. It's not a party for them, it's a wedding.

    Tell them no and you hope they will still attend (even if you don't).


    We actually did invite my husband's brother in law's family (his parents and his aunt and uncle). But that's only because we have been very close with them since we started dating. I love them and would have wanted them there regardless. THAT'S why, not for some weird etiquette rule... I don't think I've heard of that one.

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  • Jenna
    Super October 2019
    Jenna ·
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    You definitely don't have to. We got roped into a similar situation and we are inviting them to keep the peace but if it wouldn't cause an issue I would say no way. FH's brother has been dating a girl for 6 years so FMIL is very close with her family. We didn't want to invite them, especially because her parents, grandparents, and uncle all live in the same home and are very close to her so it was like all or nothing for all 5 of them. FMIL is not paying for the wedding at all but we are inviting any of her family members that she'd like to have there. We were hoping she wouldn't include them but she told us it's really important to her that they're there. I will say that we don't necessarily dislike these people but we're indifferent to them and we only see them at Thanksgiving and Christmas with FMIL. We think it's a little ridiculous that we're expected to include them but like I said it's important to her so we're doing it for her.

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  • M
    Dedicated October 2021
    Megan ·
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    I have the same situation. The first and only time I met my boyfriend (at the time) brother’s wife’s parents, the dad was nice but the mom was very rude and talked down to the working staff around her. Now my fiancé’s Mom wants me to in bite them. Along with people that she doesn’t even really like talk to anymore and her hairdresser. Why would these types of invites be needed when you know they won’t show up?


    How I see it is, it’s one more mouth to feed and one more invitation to send. And one more opinion I don’t want to hear about on the day of.
    However if it keeps the peace... then I guess invite them. Who knows! Maybe they will be polite and also think very highly of you and you had no clue.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    The only in-law you need invite is brother's wife herself. Not her parents, not her siblings, not anyone but FI's brother and his wife, and any children who live with them, if you are inviting children. The only time you would even consider any of these people would be if you all grew up in the same neighborhood, and everybody is close. She is part of a couple, and you invite brother with her. But she is a guest. And guests don't get invitations for their family or other guests.
    Too bad if you already sent invitations. Don't add any more. And if you must downsize, her parents go first.
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  • Th
    Dedicated September 2021
    Th ·
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    I’ve never heard of inviting your bil or sil’s parents unless you’re close with them. It’s your wedding not your sister in laws. Your family, not hers.
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  • J
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
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    I agree with this. If you regularly socialized with them that would be another story. In laws have no right to bully you into inviting anyone, strangers or not. The couple getting married makes the decisions who is invited and who isn't. Set your boundaries and stand your ground now because this is the start of them pressuring you for other situations in the future.
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