Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Savvy June 2023

Do i have to invite my fiancé’s friends?

Kara, on July 27, 2020 at 8:07 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 13

Saved

Flag
Hide content

I’m planning my wedding for summer 2021. My fiancé has a few childhood friends who got married last year (before we were engaged and a month before we were set to move in together) and who didn’t invite me.

I had met them multiple times, but they pointedly called my fiancé to say that I was NOT invited. This was for a weekend long trip. He went, which was a big issue for our relationship. Other gf’s were there, and he believes that these friends are still in touch with or close with his ex, so that’s why they don’t want me around.
Since then, we literally haven’t seen them. It was obviously a bit awkward (although I would never say anything to them about not being invited) but they’ve made no effort to repair things, which I would be happy to do.
Since they’re virtually not in our lives, I don’t want to invite them to our medium sized wedding. However, my fiancé says he was very close with them in his childhood and absolutely insists on inviting them. What is the correct etiquette here?

Flag
Hide content

13 Comments

Latest activity by Holly, on July 29, 2020 at 3:17 PM

Expert May 2021
Michelle · on July 27, 2020 at 8:12 PM
Flag

Hide content
I totally understand what you are saying. That super sucks they did that. I say, if your fiancé wants them there, then invite them. It obviously means something to him, and it’s his wedding too. It probably means more to him to have his friends there, then it means to you to not have them there.......Kill them with your kindness! 😊 just my opinion lol
- Reply
Master October 2022
Jana · on July 27, 2020 at 8:16 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I agree with this. It's his wedding too. Also, there is a chance they will decline but if he wants them there, then respect that and invite them.
- Reply
Super October 2021
Ashley · on July 27, 2020 at 8:18 PM
Flag

Hide content
I would invite them since he says that it’s important to him.
- Reply
Master May 2020
Kari · on July 27, 2020 at 8:20 PM
Flag

Hide content
Agreed that they should be invited if that is what your fiance wants - it's his wedding too. Also what they did you to isn't great but isn't horrific and I don't think it's enough to justify not including them if it is important to him.
- Reply
Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 27, 2020 at 8:21 PM
Flag

Hide content
I would invite them.
- Reply
Master September 2020
Jessica · on July 27, 2020 at 8:26 PM
Flag

Hide content
I agree with Michelle, it’s not just your wedding and you aren’t inviting everyone; it’s the union of both you and your fiancé, and both of you are inviting the people who mean the most to you.
FH and I made our own guest lists and then went from there. He’s inviting people I’ve never met, and we only have 46 guests so it’s not like it’s a big wedding, but I would never tell him he can’t invite someone. I have never even met the BM in the seven years FH and I have been together, but who am I to question his relationships.
What your FH’s friends did was crappy, but you don’t have to do anything more than possibly stop by the table with your husband (because by then you’ll be married!) and thank them for coming. The rest of the time just focus on enjoying your day.
- Reply
Dedicated November 2020
__ · on July 27, 2020 at 8:27 PM
Flag

Hide content
That's super annoying that they did that, not only to you, but that they put their friend, your fiance, in what was essentially an "us vs her" situation. But I would invite them and just be the bigger person. If it's important to your fiance that they're there, then they should be. You don't have to interact with them if you feel uncomfortable about it and they may not even go.
- Reply
Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on July 27, 2020 at 8:34 PM
Flag

Hide content
Ugh, I wish your fiancé stood up for you with his friends earlier. 😠 But I think it’s important that he gets to invite them (I just hope they RSVP no. 😁)
- Reply
Super March 2021
Kimberly · on July 27, 2020 at 8:55 PM
Flag

Hide content
Um the correct etiquette is to honor your FH’s wishes. Why would even question him on wanting his friends invited to his wedding? Yeah they were rude and inconsiderate but so are you to consider not inviting them when your FH clearly wants them there.
- Reply
Master October 2021
Mrs.a · on July 27, 2020 at 9:06 PM
Flag

Hide content
This could be a good opportunity to extend the olive branch 🕊
- Reply
Devoted February 2024
Martha · on July 28, 2020 at 11:51 AM
Flag

Hide content
I would invite them because my FH wants them there. Its the olive branch from me to them as well.
- Reply
Expert August 2020
Angel · on July 28, 2020 at 3:33 PM
Flag

Hide content
If he's insistent on them being there, then unfortunately, you should invite them. I'm so sorry you were put in that position. I also wish your fiancé stood up for you. I hope he understands how hurtful that could have been for you, when he went on the weekend trip regardless of how you felt. A boys weekend is totally fine, but when you're given the cold shoulder by those people so blatantly, you'd think he'd know it's wrong. I completely understand not wanting them there if you're having a more intimate gathering and don't see them in person often. My fiance wants to invite a few people he hasn't seen, let alone spoken to in years (for our very small <50 person wedding)... but we have to compromise.
- Reply

Dedicated March 2021
Holly · on July 29, 2020 at 3:17 PM
Flag

Hide content
That day belongs to both you! If they’re important to him, they should be invited. It’s too bad it seems like they didn’t take your relationship seriously before. But I think this invitation will be taken as an olive branch if you take a moment to acknowledge them during the reception. Then you all can start fresh with everyone on the same page. (Speaking of being one the same page, it sounds like your fiancé should have told his friends how important you are to him, and how he wanted you to go on that couples’ long weekend trip so you can get to know his most important friends. I have no idea how to have that discussion since I’ve never had this issue before. But it sounds like something I would want to bring up to my fiancé when I tell him I’m willing to extend this olive branch to get everyone on the same side.)
- Reply