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Savvy October 2020

Do i have a right to be upset?

Sandy, on July 24, 2019 at 6:50 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 13

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Hello ladies! Hope you're all well. So my FH and I have been talking about eloping this year with just us, our witness, and an ordained person. Next year we were going to have a party for our friends and family. We weren't going to tell family we eloped as to avoid hurt feelings. Anyway, so monday my FH says we can't elope b.c he works with his mom and she would find out b.c she would see his updated paperwork. Anyway, I'm really hurt and frustrated. I got my hopes up and now we can't elope. Do I have a right to be upset or am I overreacting?

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13 Comments

Latest activity by Lady, on July 25, 2019 at 1:37 PM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on July 24, 2019 at 6:53 PM
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You certainly have a right to be upset, but why can’t you elope and then just tell everyone?
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on July 24, 2019 at 6:54 PM
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You can't do what everybody else wants you to do! This is you and FH's wedding - not his mother's. I would definitely be upset in your situation! Please talk to FH about this
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Champion November 2016
LB · on July 24, 2019 at 6:56 PM
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I think you dodged a bullet because lying is wrong. You can still elope. Why did you want to lie about it?
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Master October 2019
Meghan · on July 24, 2019 at 6:58 PM
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I agree with Sarah. Just elope and tell everyone. Their feelings will be hurt next year when you only have a party because you’re already married. So what’s the difference? If you want to elope, elope and share the good news. This isn’t about everyone else, it’s about you and your FH.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on July 24, 2019 at 6:59 PM
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LB has a great point - lying is never a good idea. It can create even more hurt feelings
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Devoted October 2018
Mozabrat · on July 24, 2019 at 7:11 PM
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Why would feelings get hurt? In this day and age, weddings are unaffordable for many people and eloping has become very common. If his mother is hurt by this, talk to her. Plain and simple.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on July 24, 2019 at 7:18 PM
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I think it's fine to be upset. But if it would cause drama then consider it a bullet dodged.
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VIP September 2019
CDickman · on July 24, 2019 at 7:58 PM
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She’s not doing anything to ruin it. She will
see paper work so she will know he got married.

I think you you have a right to be upset. But it would be so hard to keep that from everyone. I would just explain to everyone you want something intimate then celebrate with everyone.
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Savvy October 2020
Sandy · on July 24, 2019 at 9:21 PM
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We dont want to tell people because we already asked people to be in our bridal party and we don't want feelings to get hurt.
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Expert May 2016
needmorewine · on July 24, 2019 at 9:47 PM
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Lying to them will only hurt them more.
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Super October 2020
Renee · on July 25, 2019 at 1:53 AM
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Just explain to them that you decided to elope. Thank them for being willing to be part of your special day but for personal reasons, you've decided to elope instead
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Dedicated September 2019
Miryam · on July 25, 2019 at 10:15 AM
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I understand where you are coming from and you are not overreacting. You have a right to feel whatever you want to feel.
We are in the process of purchasing a house, unfortuantly the VA requires us to be married for my name to also be on the loan, even though we are getting married in 2 months. So we are going to the courthouse next month to get married, but we are not telling anyone. We're not lying to anyone, we just dont want to ruin the actual wedding day for our family by them know we are techinally already married. In our minds we're not seeing the courthouse as our real wedding day, we are seeing it as the day that we get together with our friends and family and I get to walk down the isle to my H.
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Lady · on July 25, 2019 at 1:37 PM
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Elope and just tell everyone. It's kind of shady to lie and fake a wedding ceremony - I guarantee most people would want to know that they're witnessing a vow renewal rather than a real wedding ceremony.
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