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Savvy June 2022

Do i find a new Moh? What role do they play?

VM, on January 6, 2020 at 8:03 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8

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Hello! I’m fairly new to the discussion board scene so please take it easy on me. I am recently engaged and I asked my cousin to be my MOH. I don’t have any sisters and this is the only relative I have in the bridal party. We recently got into a little tiff and my MOH called me “exhausting”. What role does a MOH play? The only thing I’ve asked of her so far is opinions. My fiancé and I already booked a venue & church. I’ve only asked her opinions on flower bouquets and wedding favors where all she needed to do was choose which she liked better. She also went wedding dress shopping with me, but that was at HER insistence. I have vented to her about the family drama, but I thought she would understand because it’s her family too! She is a lot younger than me, 23, and I’m wondering if this is too much responsibility for her? She lives in LA and I live in Maryland so there’s a 3 hour gap, but sometimes she takes days or even weeks to reply to texts! Should I find another MOH? Should I ask her if she’s actually ready for this which will provide the opportunity for her to step down? Will this ruin the relationship? Will she step down but cause a scene? (She is known to cause scenes).

Any advice is welcome, Thank you!

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Taylor, on January 7, 2020 at 9:17 AM

Devoted December 2020
Morgan · on January 6, 2020 at 8:09 PM
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I would ask her if being the maid of honor is too much for her and if she’d rather you pick one of your friends instead. You need someone you can rely on. It’s tough because she’s family but this will be one of the biggest days of your life😊
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on January 6, 2020 at 8:16 PM
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Technically she only needs to stand by your side on your wedding day but I feel if you want her to have a bit more involvement then I would communicate that because often I see brides get mad at their MOH's or bridesmaids for not throwing them parties or what not but they do not communicate. I would say do what the first poster said and let her know that comment hurt her and she wanted to ask if she is still happy to be MOH or does she feel it is too much. The planning is on you but you should be able to ask her opinion on some things and talk some wedding talk I feel.
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Devoted September 2019
Meaghan · on January 6, 2020 at 8:21 PM
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What are you wanting from her that you think might be too much for her? I would never expect a MOH to do anything more than show up on time for the ceremony. I'm not clear on what you are asking of her but if it's more than that you really should have disclosed all of that to her when you asked her to accept the role.
"Firing" someone from a wedding party is a sure way to permanently damage a relationship. I would never recommend that unless there was truly egregious behaviour.
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Devoted March 2021
Future Mrs. Cwik · on January 6, 2020 at 9:02 PM
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I agree with Morgan! If being a MOH is too much for what you need, she should tell you and you should be okay with it. It’ll be good for both of you!
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on January 6, 2020 at 9:29 PM
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The only thing a MOH is obligated to do is buy a dress, show up to the wedding in that dress, and just overall be supportive to you lol. She really doesn't and shouldn't have any specific duties and your expectations are probably too high of her! Is she generally flaky/takes a long time to respond? If so, you know that about her, so try not to take offense to it.
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Savvy March 2022
Baker · on January 7, 2020 at 5:24 AM
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Hi, I do not agree with the last few comments. I'm from the south and our etiquette is that the MOH is to help when needed no matter what, (it's not like you're asking for much) be there to comfort you not to stress you out or call you exhausting. She's there for support and helping with planning. Most usually throws the bridal shower with the help of BM and the MOB but she's definitely supposed to be there. Don't let her treat you like crap, she should be honored to love on you and be there to help. I'd let hey just attend the wedding as a guest it leave her in her City making a scene but not at my wedding. Good luck B2B 💙
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Super August 2021
Dierdra · on January 7, 2020 at 5:29 AM
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Typically the MOH will plan/coordinate the bachelorette party and maybe lend a hand in hosting a bridal shower. But she isn't required to do anything. I would ask you fiance to help make the final decisions with you and if he doesn't mind your mom or future MIL may feel really privileged to be included?
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VIP October 2020
Taylor · on January 7, 2020 at 9:17 AM
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I don't really feel like this is a MOH issue. It more so seems like a general friend problem. She doesn't have any obligation to answer your questions but I also get why it's frustrating when you need advice or opinions. I don't think age has anything to do with it as I am a couple months shy of 23 and will be getting married this year. People have priorities and it appears that your wedding is not one of hers, which is fine. Just let it be and ask your bridesmaids for opinions when you need some help. I assure you, they'll be happy to be included.
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