Hey all, I've been facing a pretty big internal dilemma since getting engaged to FH. I was once very close to his sister for a few years (prior to knowing FH) and she was the reason he and I met and ultimately went on our first date. A few months after that, she and I had moved in together and we were constantly at war with each other over what seemed like the pettiest things. At the time, I tried to handle her anger with me as rationally as I could but some of the simple arguments we got into led to the most hurtful and nasty passive-aggressive comments I've ever heard come from anyone. I tried to make amends with her several times for the sake of our friendship, and then over time ultimately for the sake of appeasing FH. The first few times, we did reconcile but our friendship wasn't the same. After the fourth time of attempting, I'd had enough of the drama and moved out and cut off contact with her. All the while, her brother (now FH) and I were continuing to date. It was tough seeing it wear on him, but having had his own intense arguments with her in his past, he completely knew (and knows) where I'm coming from in this situation and has assured me that he only wants her and I to remain civil, but doesn't expect a friendship or anything more.
A few weeks ago she sent us engagement gifts after a 6-month period of ignoring the both of us. I know this was a sign of respect on her part, but I never actually received an apology from her for all of the things that were said. Our friendship went from being talking for hours every single day for years, to me having to block her from contacting me. At one point it even got so far as her texting my own sister rude things about me since I had her blocked at that time.
I say all of the above for context -- so, yes, recently she did try to make attempts at "reconciliation" (the engagement gifts) and then we had a quick, friendly chat over the phone shortly after. But I no longer trust her and the things that were said aren't something I can forgive easily. But as she is someone who will be in my life forever, and knowing how prone to drama our relationship can become, I've been truly torn on this decision and how it will affect our relationship in the future.
Do I suck it up and invite her to be a bridesmaid, knowing that she was instrumental in me meeting FH + our friendship history, or do I continue to keep her at a distance? I've already told FH that regardless, she will be sitting at our head table during the reception with the rest of the wedding party -- my family and his family included. To add some more context, I already have 9 women in my wedding party, so adding another may be too much at this point anyway.
Has anyone been in even a slightly similar situation?! Looking for an outsider's perspective desperately. Thanks in advance!
