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Jill
Just Said Yes October 2019

Do i address this non-gift giving guest?

Jill, on November 13, 2019 at 8:46 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 18
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I have an awkward situation regarding a guest that didn't give a gift, and I need advice on how to deal with it. We were married just over three weeks ago, and my one coworker did not bring a gift to the wedding. He told a few other coworkers that he needs to wait for our next paycheck (understandable). He also approached me at work a few days after the wedding and flat out asked me "I know you're just going to tell me 'whatever you feel comfortable with', but how much money do you think I should give you?"! Shocked and completely awkwardly I said "I'm not going to answer that question" and laughed it off. Well, two paychecks have passed now, and still no gift. Do I say something? It's not like he hasn't been spending money... he's been telling me what he's been doing on the weekends and different restaurants he's been to.

18 Comments

Latest activity by Crysteeeeel, on December 15, 2019 at 5:15 PM
  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
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    I absolutely would not say anything to him. I wouldn't want to guilt trip someone into giving me money.

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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    No one is required to give you a gift so I absolutely wouldn’t say anything.
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  • M
    Expert September 2020
    Marcia ·
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    I wouldn’t say anything. Gift giving is always optional.
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  • Sabrina
    Devoted April 2020
    Sabrina ·
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    I would let it go and move on.

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Umm no. You absolutely shouldn’t say anything.
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  • Laura
    Master October 2019
    Laura ·
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    I wouldn't say anything. My guess is when he asked you what to give you and you wouldn't answer he feels like you let him "off the hooK with a gift.

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  • Jill
    Just Said Yes October 2019
    Jill ·
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    Update: Not even kidding, the moment I hit "post" he walked over and handed me a card! And no, he wouldn't be able to see what I was typing lol. Thank you, ladies, for your advice! I was getting pressured by my other coworkers to say something and I felt uncomfortable with that notion.

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  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
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    Lol glad it worked out! Also glad you didn't let your coworkers talk you into saying something to him, that would've caused all kinds of awkward in the workplace Smiley xd

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  • Jennifer
    Super March 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    No. Let it go. Even if the wedding was $2000 a plate, it isn't something worth mentioning. At the end of the day, guests don't have to bring a gift! He he mentions it again, maybe just tell him that you have everything you need, are happy and if he wants to do something then to bring you a latte or something! That way it is reasonable and no hard feelings if he still doesn't come through.
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  • Cyndy
    Master May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    You never say anything to someone who doesn’t give you a gift. Gifts are optional!!!
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  • Gloria
    Super March 2019
    Gloria ·
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    Let it go. when i got married I had a guess that didn’t give us a gift 🎁 and we didn’t say anything we left it alone .gifting is optional even if they attended our wedding..
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  • Christine
    Expert September 2020
    Christine ·
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    That's hilarious!

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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    I agree with PPs that it's best to say nothing, and I'm glad you didn't because he came through with the gift Smiley smile

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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    Don't say anything. I've friends who didn't give me gifts either aha. I think the point is that inviting them and having them come share in the moment is the gift.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    If they give a gift, great. If they don't, oh well. Though it is customary to give a wedding gift, it is not a requirement. There is nothing for you to "do" but write a thank you note if they do give a gift. Otherwise, forget it .
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  • Crysteeeeel
    Beginner September 2019
    Crysteeeeel ·
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    I know everyone says gift giving is optional. I think most people feel that gift giving is symbolic and represents the relationship you have with someone.

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  • Amanda
    Dedicated August 2019
    Amanda ·
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    Glad it worked out. We had several guests (some close coworkers) attend that did not send gifts.
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  • Crysteeeeel
    Beginner September 2019
    Crysteeeeel ·
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    So glad he stepped up. Four months out, we still have 1/3 of our friends and family who have not given anything and they are all more than comfortable financially. One of them is someone whom I've done countless favors for and is now asking me to take care of his dog for two weeks. It just makes me think his view of our relationship is very one sided.

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