Divorced parents at wedding. What the heck do i do??

The first question is how important your soon-to-be-ex-stepmom is to you. Would you want to invite her to the wedding, in spite of the divorce? If not, then just don't invite her, since she's no longer part of a social unit with your father.

The second question is how amicable the divorce is likely to be. If she has in fact become close to you, and the divorce is amicable, you could likely invite her without drama.

If the divorce is hostile, but you still want her there, you may want to have a talk in advance with both her and your father. Ask them both if they can be adults and be civil to each other for one day, for your sake. And promise to do what they need to accomplish that (e.g., be at tables that are far away from each other at the reception, not have pictures together). It will likely involve some flexibility on both their parts and yours, but with luck, it can be arranged.

Honestly, it's a tough spot. My parents had a rough divorce - dad left my mom for my now stepmom
- and I think hostile is tame. I almost didn't invite my dad, but he's still my dad despite many, many flaws. Like the pp said, there are ways to coordinate to limit the drama and the hostility.

I'm sitting my parents as far away as possible while still being in the same row and we're doing a sweetheart table so I can sit them on opposite sides of the room. My aunt will also be there to run interference. I'm forcing my mom into one picture with him. You need to decide how you want your day to go and then ask them to cooperate.
They might say no. My mom is griping about being in the same room for a few hours. But it's your day. Divorce sucks and Weddings amplify those hurt feelings, but stay strong and stick up for what you want. I'm sorry you're going through this!!! Good luck and hopefully the drama won't be too bad.

I have divorced parents and grandparents plus my mom and stepdad are no longer together. I had reserved ceremony seating that kept them all apart, listed them all separately in the program, and they all had their own reception table. My husband’s parents are also divorced and his dad is still so angry after almost 30 years he decided not to show.

1) Do your mom and dad get along?
If so: put them at the same table
If No: put them at opposite sides of the event.

2) Are you and your stepmom close?If yes: invite her to come and seat her with family she knows and will be ok with.If no: don’t feel you have to invite her. And apologize if she asks...

3) Are your mom and stepmom okay with each other? If so: invite her anyway and seat them together to talk lol- joking! If no( but you are close): seat get away from your parents.

My parents are divorced since I was 18, I’m 41 now. My stepmom and my dad got brought rocky patches a lot- he is NOT an easy person to live with- Vietnam combat Vet & alcoholic, who recently had a stroke. So I feel ya.

I think it really depends on the relationship you have with each of your parents and step mother and the relationship they all have with each other. My husband’s parents haven’t been together for like 10 years and don’t see each other much but are happy to celebrate life events for their kids together with no drama. We didn’t seat them next to each other like a couple but they were sitting with us, siblings and my parents at our family table. And when we had family pictures done we basically have a set all together and then sets with just his mom and just his dad since they probably wouldn’t want to hang their ex up on the wall etc. I think it’s mostly about how they normally interact at other family events like birthdays, graduations etc. If you think they would prefer to not interact at all and they don’t usually come together for stuff like that maybe just put them on separate tables and have pictures done separately? And if you aren’t close with your ex step mother maybe it’s best if she isn’t present. If you are close I would probably talk to your dad and let him know you still want there for your day and have her seated somewhere else.

My parents (mom and dad) have been divorced for 25+ years and my dad and stepmom have been married for 26 years. I’m really close with all three of my parents. I’m definitely inviting my stepmom, she’s been apart of my life since I was 5. I’ll just have to figure out where to seat them at the ceremony and reception.
Thanks everyone for your kind words! Appreciate it!

I’m the type of person that tries to avoid conflict, which can be good and bad! lol.
My parents have been divorced for 7 years and they still avoid seeing each other. I dealt with it by avoiding it and have decided to elope with my significant other. It will simply be just the two of us with the officiant. Then, we’ll go out o eat with our families to celebrate sometime later that month.