Divorced parents and family drama

Try to let the drama go and focus on the things that really matter.

Didn't you also have some major drama with your FH? I could have you mistaken for someone else and I can't quite remember what it was, but if I am correct-did you get that figured out?

First, your mom, her husband, and grandma will need to be adults, as will your dad. It's a special kind of awful to ruin your grand/daughter's wedding. Don't concern yourself with any of it if you can avoid it.

Second, if you didn't want your little sister and brother in the wedding, you could've told mom no. Yes she can "pressure" you, but unless mom is footing the entire bill, you can be an adult an stand up for your own decisions. You still can say to mom if they don't have the right attire, they can't be in it. Getting the correct attire is the only responsibility for someone in the wedding party (or their parents, in the case of children). It would likely break their little hearts though if they're already excited to be in their big sister's wedding. Since you've agreed to have them, could you handle getting their attire? If you choose wisely, kids attire isn't expensive.

As for your 17 year old sister, I can understand why she'd be upset. Is she the only sibling not in the wedding? Why didn't you include her? She's certainly old enough to be a bridesmaid. If you don't have any other siblings as bridesmaids, you might be able to ease her hurt by asking her to do a reading.

@FME you're right!

I remember you posting about drama with your FH's ex and how they were still legally married in another state.... whatever happened to that?

Unfortunately, you'll never be able to control how they act. BUT, you can control how you react to the immature things that they do.

MrsSki, is spot on. You could have said "no."

My H was in a similar situation with his mom who wanted his brother to be in the bridal party. H didn't want his brother to be in the bridal party and stuck to his guns on it. His brother pouted and had a terrible attitude our entire wedding day. So much so that even people who didn't know him were wondering what was wrong with him. We could have chosen to be embarrassed by his immature behavior, but instead we chose to ignore him (and not feed into his drama) and enjoy our day.

Anyways, I would highly recommend reading Dr. Henry Cloud's book called Boundaries. It's such a helpful resource for issues like this.

Why would you include two of your siblings and not the third? That's asking for trouble.

FME, Raina whaaaaat??

MrsSkitibe is right, you don't have to cave into pressure. My parents are paying and I've made it perfectly clear my sister will not be a bridesmaid, they're on my side. Also the 17 yr old sister being upset, I get it. Why wasn't she included?

My grandmother doesn't even know I'm getting married, I won't tell her, and she's not invited at all.

I'd sit family down and lay it all out. Explain the negativity and nastiness drama will not be tolerated. They need to act like adults for one day.

If I was your teenage sister I would be hurt, too. It's pretty cruel to include your other siblings but leave her out.

People can only "instigate drama" if you let them. Just be neutral and generically nice and you have nothing to worry about. Anyone acting in a ridiculous manner will just make themselves look like fools.

October is two months away. There is plenty of time left to buy clothes.

It wasn't just my 17 yr old sister that wasn't included...I'm the oldest off 11 and SO is the middle of 8 which is why I didn't want any siblings in the wedding. My mom had already told my brother and sister (the younger ones) that they would be in my wedding since she just assumed they would be. We have a very rocky relationship so I just have in. There's no way to include everyone in the bridal party so I guess I'm just cruel then. The 17 yr old sister, less than 6 months ago, tried to 'fight me' and has never been close with me.

As for those asking about the situation with FH and his ex, we got it taken care of and we are able to get married without an issue! We got the divorce done and the 6 month waiting period doesn't apply as long as we don't live together in Oklahoma for 6 months (we live in tx so it's not an issue).

Can you define "fight me"? Did she physically try to assault you?

Stand your ground! Seems like you keep doing what others want! This is your wedding!

Yes, she got in my face and kept saying she was going to beat my ass. And tried to push me and all kinds of stuff. All because she asked if I agreed with a rule my mom had and I responded with "well yeah, it's her house so it's her rules. I'd do the same to Payton (my soon to be stepdaughter)"

I've tried to tell everyone I'm doing it my way, but that won't stop their drama unfortunately. I asked my parents if they'd be willing to take on photo, of myself, my bio mom and my bio dad. They laughed and thought I was kidding and I got a big "hell no". I'm more worried about all the drama on the wedding day. As for my sister, I have still chosen to invite her because she would come regardless. She has been a handful for the last two years and goes through good phases and bad phases. Currently she's in a good phase, but I didn't trust her enough after the "fight me" situation to show up and be in a "good phase" for the wedding in order to be in the party.

Your really close to your wedding date. I think you should have been sorted this stuff out. Your parents should try to be civil for one day it's not about them it's about you. You need to put your foot down and let them know that if they can't be civil then they shouldn't come and if they do and they start showing out escort them all from the ceremony grandma included.

I had everything figured out. My sister never said anything and I had already told everyone who the bridal party was. She texted me yesterday asking if she should wear a dress to the wedding. I thought she meant as a guest and said "well yeah, it's not formal but a cute maxi dress would be nice. Just nothing too wild of a print since we will be taking pics with all the family". She then went off on my mom and when we tried to explain why she wasn't included she acted completely shocked. All the other details are taken care of, just finishing final touches.

I love my family, but they are all extremely manipulative and selfish, always have been.

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, OP.

I'll repeat...try not to worry about their behavior on the wedding day. Who knows, maybe they'll get their shit together and be decent people for your wedding, or maybe they won't. You can't do anything about it either way.

Just be the bigger person, ignore any drama and focus on the people who are there to support and celebrate you. And hire security just in case.

I'm honestly curious if any other brides have dealt with divorced parents who absolutely hate each other and what they did. I am seating them separately but somehow they still manage to fight. At my hs graduation they sat on complete opposite sides of an auditorium. My dad politely invited my mom, her husband, and her parents to dinner with us all after and it caused a huge fight. I just don't know how to have a fun day, with all my family, without fighting.

One of my good friends has family like yours, OP, that are split and both parents have new spouses. And none of them get along. And it can get nasty.

She had separate conversations with all involved people one week before the wedding and said the same thing to all of them: "this day is MINE, and all you need to do is get your shit straight for a few hours. If anything is instigated, I have asked the vendor security to escort you out."

Apparently there was deafening silence following by many expletives and "how dare you I'm your *whatever relative*"...but everyone behaved the day of. *shrug*

I hope everyone just keeps their mouths shut on the day of. I have told my mom, grandmothers, and any one else who could start drama that I won't have t. I said "I get one damn day, so everyone can shut their mouths and slap a smile on their face and fake it for a few hours."

Family drama is going to be hard to control just realize it is an important day but just one day. The odds of perfections are very slim so just try to focus on what matters and being with the love of your life. Your family pressuring you into stuff is hard not cave but even if you have caved oh well. The details are not as important as the fact that you're going to spend your days in happiness with that man by your side.