Divorced in-laws, do both need to make a speech?

Continued...

Now, we were going to ask all the sets of parents to make a short speech at the wedding. This is a no brainer for my parents (who are wholly supportive of our relationship and we are extremely close to them) and MIL/step-FIL. But with the way step MIL is behaving, I'm really reluctant to have FH ask them to make a speech. I just fear it would be totally insincere and ruin the vibe of the evening. However, this could cause a LOT of drama and may sour our relationship even more (not that there's much to salvage, but still). I have gotten to the point where I've stopped trying to be a "good" daughter in law because there's no difference.

I still have a lot of time to think about this - I wasn't going to ask anybody making a speech until a month or two before the wedding - but I don't think our relationship is going to improve much in the next while if it hasn't been good in the almost five years FH have been together.

Any opinions, or experiences from other brides? How did it go for you?

No.

As a wedding guest I think the fewer speeches the better. Since FMIL and step FIL have been the more supportive ones have one of them make the speech.

Is it really important for you that the parents make speeches? Out of the dozens of weddings I have attended in the last few years very few had parent speeches let alone multiple parent speeches. Also personally as a guest I get tired of speech after speech after speech. If you already intend to have a BM and MOH speech as well as one from you our your FH thanking your guests for attendance then consider cutting the others, it tends to suck the fun out of weddings and eat time you could actually spend with your guests.

Maid of honor, best man, call it a day and eat some cake.

But seriously, if you want drama free and to make your guests happy, it's probably for the best

LoveBubbles yes the parent speeches are very important to us. My family is extremely close and I know my parents are looking forward to saying something. Also they are helping pay a fair bit of the wedding and unofficially hosting (with the size of our families it's almost a family reunion) so I would like to give them a platform to speak. My MOH is my best friend/sister who is making a speech. BM's speech is going to be extremely short if he even does one at all. That leaves us (short speech thanking everyone), my parents and his parents.

In all honesty out of the weddings I've been to, I would consider our # of speeches not a lot - if we exclude FIL/step MIL it's 5 speeches total. I've been to many weddings where every BM/GM spoke, where all the siblings of B&G spoke, where friends, aunts, uncles spoke.

I'm with LoveBubbles, I haven't seen too many parent speeches. I'm sticking with MOH, matron of honor and best man.

ETA: just saw your reply. I would just do what feels right to you. Its a tough one though because your FSMIL seems to be easily offended.

Let the parents make speeches at the rehearsal dinner. As a wedding guest, I zone-out with most speeches.

People dont enjoy long periods of speeches. I have been to 1 wedding out of 8 in the last 3 years that had parents give a speech. We just got married and had DH make a thank you speech, and we werent going to do any other, but the Best Man and Maid of Honor surprised us with short speeches.

Valid point ladies. I've honestly never attended a rehearsal dinner so I had no idea who makes speeches there. And of the 5 weddings I've attended in the past year only one didn't have the parents speak.

The speech from my parents is really more "for us" and although I would love for my guests to hear it (my dad is hilarious) I want them to enjoy themselves. Plus from a timeline perspective it cuts out a good 10-20 minutes of speeches which we can do for other things.

And now talking with FH he thinks it's a good idea. I think my parents will be a little disappointed but would understand. Especially seeing as how they'll still get to make a speech, just not at the wedding.

If it really matters to you, as your parents are helping pay for the wedding they are in fact co-hosting your wedding so you would not be out of line in asking them to give a speech/toast at your wedding. At my wedding, we had the MOH and the BM give speeches and then DH gave a speech as he and I paid for the wedding so we were the "hosts" (and as I did all the work for the wedding, I didn't want to give the "thank you" speech). Then if your FMIL and FSFIL are contributing to the wedding it isn't out of line for them to give a speech and if they are not they can do it at the rehearsal dinner (if you want them to and/or if they are hosting the rehearsal dinner).

Wow ladies, I'm so glad I talked to you. You are all-knowing and all-wise. I brought up the idea with my parents at dinner tonight and they weren't even the least bit upset (not visibly anyway). And they agreed it was a good idea to cut back on speeches, and said that if they REALLY want something said at the wedding, they can infuse it into my sister/MOH's speech.

Also I played with my timeline and it leaves more time for things I really want to do for the wedding and that I wanted captured from a photography standpoint (we have our photog for 8 hours so timing is important).

Thanks so much! I think my guests will have a much better time! I don't think I would have reached this conclusion on my own, I was so dead set on a parents speech lol.

They also agreed that anything I can do to reduce stress (as in not have the awkwardness of the speech) is a good thing. I love them haha.

The only people who made a speech at our wedding was David and I thanking everyone for coming and to enjoy themselves. Speeches suck to give and to listen to.