Ditching the Father Daughter Dance?

We aren't doing a father/daughter or mother/son dance. My dad passed away when I was 14, so my brother is walking me down the aisle. There really isn't anyone that I would want to do that dance with, so that was nixed. FH's mother is unable to stand for long periods of time and is on oxygen, so they decided to not do a dance. Instead, we are replacing both of those with an anniversary dance. All married couples dance and then are dwindled down to the longest married couple. It feels more appropriate for our wedding.

I guess my concern would be this: what happens if we don't do it, even though a perfectly normal, present father is right there and able? I've been to plenty of weddings where the bride had a totally MIA father or one who had passed, and then it was expected that there would not be a dance. But I worry that people would wonder why we didn't do it, and if it Means Something, the way people read into things like that.

Sb821 dont worry about what people will think if you ditch the dance...its none of their business and not a big deal anyways. my mom refused to dance with my brother when he got married and no one really questioned it. im not doing the father daughter dance either, it seems very awkward and outdated to me....him walking me down the aisle is enough, and i didnt even want to do that but my dad insisted he at least do that instead of my friend.

Right and that's what I thought because I know some of my family would assume my mom and I would dance. Well, I'm not going that route. I'm just skipping it altogether. Plus my family has no idea FH's mom is on oxygen and they will wonder why we aren't doing a mother/son dance. We are also not doing a garter toss or bouquet toss and I KNOW they are all expecting that. If they ask me, I'm going to say, we opted not to do it and instead are going to have more dancing. Keep it simple and try not to overthink it or care too much about what other people think. It's your day and make it so you feel comfortable and happy.

You could just honor them in your toast/thank you.

Or you could give them a token something as a thank you for being by your side on your special day...like a photo of you both when you were a kid with extra wedding fabric as backing in the frame.

Or you could give them something special to wear during the ceremony/reception (like a boutonniere).

Or you could have a wedding party and family slow dance where everyone comes up and dances with their respective partners. So that is honoring him but you don't have to dance with him and your FH's mom wouldn't feel like she is on stage.

We vetoed a ton of stuff from our wedding....no bouquet or garter toss etc.

DH and I did not do father/daughter or mother/son dances. Both of our parents were there. My dad did walk me down the aisle but did not "give me away" meaning that our officiant did not ask who gives this woman or anything along those lines. I just wasn't comfortable with it. DH and I did have a first dance but didn't do a bouquet or garter toss. I don't know that anyone wondered why we didn't do those dances (no one asked me) but it really wasn't a big deal. Do whatever you are comfortable with and don't worry about what others might or might not think.

Phew, thanks for the validation. The concept is weird to me, and if it doesn't bother him, I'm nixing it - though considering how he's not getting the wedding in the state he wanted, he's not getting the ceremony in the Catholic Church like he wanted, my fiancé (at my urging) didn't ask for his "permission" to propose like he wanted, and he's going to have to share the walk down the aisle with his ex-wife/my mother, perhaps I should cave on something and just dance. How about Guns n' Roses' "Sweet Child Oh Mine"?

I think that if you skip them both nobody will really notice--maybe an afterthought later, but nothing to worry about. My best friend didn't have a father/daughter dance, and I have no intention of doing one either. If you and your fiance don't feel comfortable, don't do it.

I feel the same way. Instead of doing the specific dance and having the spotlight on us, I will probably just ask him for a dance when I feel comfortable at the reception.

I support you skipping it but i 100% support you talking with your dad first. I'm picturing holding my future son in my arms and thinking how I'll be dancing with him someday at his wedding gives me chills. I would be pretty bummed if he decided not to do one and we were close. Totally understand your feelings, but I do think it's a nice way to honor your dad

I totally understand your positon, and I think I'm skipping it for similar reasons... and maybe even the mother/son dance if FMIL and FH are not that into it.

Thanks for the validation, ladies! So glad to hear it's not totally uncommon to skip this tradition. I always see it done, and I'm always super bored/kinda creeped out. But that's just my take, as someone who just doesn't get the whole father-daughter bond thing.

I feel the same as you about my father so I'm skipping it , I'm also having my brother walk me down the aisle ( my dad is ok with it) . FH is very close to his mom so we are still having the mother / son dance but are going to ask all mothers/ sons at the wedding to participate . I really don't care what people think about me not including my father after all it is my wedding and we are paying for everything .

I haven't been to a wedding without these dances and your parents might be insulted if you skip them. Guests might think you are not on good terms with your dad, not just that you aren't that close. That being said, don't do it just because everyone else does it if its not "you". Definitely talk to your dad about it and see what he thinks.

You can also (and should also) thank your parents in a toast before dinner.

There will be toasts and thanks and all that, I just don't want to have the dance be the way I show my appreciation for my father. I know I have to talk to him if we decide to cut out the dances, I was just wondering if its so risque to even consider getting rid of them. If it would be crazy even with his approval, then I would just do it.

In my religion, fathers don't "give away their daughter", even the invitation is carefully worded to say "and" instead of "to".

Father/daughter dance is still a nice tradition, i know my mom would be upset if it wasn't done, its 2 minutes of the whole freaking wedding..we will also include all of the other father/daughters and mother/sons during the song. (so like 30 seconds dancing alone...??)

FH's mom passed away so we'll probably just skip that part....