Dispute over Engagement Party Guest List

Hi everyone! This is my first post on here, I need some advice! I just got engaged to my boyfriend of 9 years (we are 24 now). His parents were thrilled and offered to throw us an engagement party. We were so excited about that and so grateful. In the beginning of planning, they made it clear that they want what we want for the event and made a point to include us in picking out a venue. My future mother in law asked me for a guest list for my side, so I sent her my immediate family (aunts, uncles, first cousins) and just my friends in the bridal party. My family is pretty small (22 people including me) and my fiancé’s family is a little bigger (about 40). We came up with a total together and agreed. All of a sudden his parents decided they wanted this to be an 100- person affair, and me and my fiancé aren’t comfortable with that. We tried to stress that to them several times, as kindly and as sensitive as possible since they are paying, but they’re tone became very passive aggressive and even hostile during these conversations. They were not willing to compromise with us. Yesterday they sat us down and decided to cancel the party altogether. I’m very upset because I felt they were doing this out of spite, and it makes me fear including them as much as I wanted to in the wedding planning since it’s their way or no way at all. I’ve never had any other dispute with them and we are actually very close. Are me and my fiancé wrong to ask them for a more intimate engagement party since they are hosting? I can’t find any advice on this. Thanks!