Disproportionate Guest List

I don't think it matters how many people are from each side. I definitely wouldn't have them all separated at the ceremony or reception though (like brides side sits here, grooms sits here). I think you should invite who you want. If he doesn't want to invite anyone else, or there is noone else he can invite, so be it.

We're kind of having the same thing. More of my family, at least the way the RSVPs stand at the moment, will be making the trip in than my FH's. But we're just going to encourage everyone to intermingle at the wedding and reception. Thankfully my family are all VERY outgoing and love seeing people!

I don't think it matters who comes from which side. FH's has a MUCH larger family than I have. He has a significantly larger amount of people coming to our wedding than I do.

Haha ours is lopsided as well. Mine is around 30-40 his is 5.

FH has invited significantly more than me. I think of our 106 guests, about 40 are mine. And, that's if I decide to invite everyone on my list. It doesn't matter to me.

I'm not sure how or why you level the guest list? To be fair? So it's even stevens? it's silly. You end up throwing people on a list just to equal the amount the other person has or you remove important people to decrease to the amount. It's silly.

It is what it is and who cares?

Are all the people he want there? If so don't worry about it being lopsided.

My wedding is very lopsided. I have my parents, and five mutual friends. The other 45 people are my FH's friends and family.

My family is much larger than FH's. His dad's family is divided and doesn't speak, so while they are invited, they are highly unlikely to come. I think the invite list is somewhere around 116 people for my side and about 100 for FH, but at least half of that number is family that they don't speak to, and we have to invite on a matter of principle (we aren't so thrilled about FFIL's insistence, but they won't come and they'll send money/gifts). I expect a large portion of my family to show up, so the numbers are definitely going to be uneven. Then of course most of the friends invited seem to be more my friends (even though FH has hung out with them of course).

I wouldn't have the assigned bride's side or groom's side for sure. I'm letting people pick where ever they want to sit because I don't want 100 people on my side and like 50 on FH's.

We had the same issue. I just mixed all the tables with our families and friends. I don't care for bride and groom families being divided since we are suppose to be merging into one big family. That's just me.

FH is in a wedding in a couple weeks. No seating plan. I've kept my mouth shut, but it's gonna suck. He's sitting at the head table and I will know no one else there. I'm not that backwards that I can't have a convo with whomever I end up seated next to, but I'm already stressing about taking someone else's seat, or being the one person asked to move so a family can sit together. The whole thing just feels very awkward to me.

Can you afford all these people? Are any of your church family close to him as well?

It shouldn't be tit for tat and it doesn't have to be balanced, but 120:30 would make me feel very lonely about my own wedding. Does FI have friends and work friends that he's like to include? If It were me, I'd probably give my list another go through or two and cut out the people I really don't need to be there to show him that I understood how he was feeling.

About seating:

I wouldn't have sides for the ceremony.

I BEG that you do seating arrangements at tables. I just went to a wedding who left it open and it was chaos. Firstly, guests are used to them so we all walked around the venue for a few minutes trying to find the escort cards or seating chart. We figured it out eventually. Then, you have people claiming tables with jackets but you don't know who's jacket they are, so we kept moving on until we found an empty table (picture 10 other people doing the same thing at a time). Then, it all comes together and you find some of your siblings on the other side of the room and you have a bunch of people who don't know anyone uncomfortably at the half empty tables.

One guest actually said "Oh my, if I had realized she ran out of time to do the seating, I would've helped her!!!"

The problem is there really isn't anyone else he wants to invite. He's very close with his immediate family and all his close friends are in the wedding party or already on the list.

He is really worried about his family being a room with people they don't know. He knows the people from church in an acquaintance kind of way. He was confirmed with me and volunteers with them but his family doesn't really know any of them. Should we be concerned about how comfortable they are around people they don't know or are they going to expect being around strangers anyway and who cares.

To the concerns about the seating chart. Yes, I plan to have one. That sounds awful.

I personally had the same problem, but the opposite way. DH guest list was 3 times the size of mine and at first it really bothered me but I ordered a sign that said "two families are becoming one, don't pick a side, just a seat!" so that it wouldnt be obvious he had more people. We also invited most of them to the rehearsal dinner and showers so by the time the wedding came around, I had met most of his list at least once and felt more comfortable with all of them. Honestly, people go to weddings because they know the bride and/or groom, not because they expect to know all the other people there. Just do seating charts and sit them with each other, and they should be ok

Ours is REALLY one sided... He comes from a divided family. I don't. Our guest lists consists of:

FH - 170 (99 ceremony and 71 reception)

Me - 365 (62 ceremony and 303 reception)

We figure that most of his list will come...alot of mine won't (holiday weekend plus some people don't come if only invited to the reception) so it will start to even out. The other thing is, we don't care what our guests think...it's about who we want around us to share our day. We are also not doing a "bride's" side-"grooms" side. Sitting amongst each other will not point out the fact that I have more guests then he does. Being that you still have time, I'd work a bit more on your FH to see if this is a compromise he is willing to do. Remind him that the wedding is about how the two of you feel on that day...not his family. (Harsh but true)

We have a somewhat lopsided guest list too as FH's family is on the small side and I have a loud and large Italian and Irish family. We agreed to keep it to 100 people though.

While there's nothing wrong with a lopsided guest list, your FH has expressed concern and that's why I think compromise needs to come in. I think looking at the guest list with him and discussing it might help some. It can make you realize that maybe you're being too inclusive or maybe he'll realize he knows more people on the list than first thought and it'll be ok.

Another option is to have an engagement party or other pre-wedding get togethers so people can meet and maybe not feel as awkward on your wedding day.

Katherine,

It just is what it is then.

When you think about it, if he had more friends, his family wouldn't know them either.

People normally stick to who they know and there will be people they know. If a guest won't know anyone, seat them with people you know will welcome them into the conversation.

I just went to a wedding, I only knew FI, his parents and his grandmother. I met a ton of people there. I had a fantastic time.

What we think doesn't much matter-- this is his wedding, too, and he's saying he'd like it one way, you'd like it another. This is your chance to say, "Honey, what I hear you saying is...." and when he says, "Yes, that's what I meant" you say, "I can understand that, and I'm feeling..." then ask him what suggestions he has. A wedding is NOT the time to start with, "Well, it's my day, and I want X!" with your groom.

Our guest list is super unbalanced. Like...50 for me, 106 for him. It doesn't bother me. I'm going to have those who matter most to me...it's not a competition.

Our list is unbalanced as well. Don't worry about it!