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Just Said Yes March 2021

Dislikes gifted wedding dress

Mindy, on June 16, 2020 at 8:06 AM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 16

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Hello. Need advice please! My future mother in law told me about a dress at a second hand store and sent a pic. I said it was pretty and I’d go try it on when I got a day off. That weekend she surprised me with the dress, that I had never tried on on agreed to. I tried it on and it was way too small. It looked “nice” but wasn’t at all what I wanted. Since it didn’t fit anyway, I didn’t worry about hurting her feelings. I just said sorry, it’s pretty but doesn’t fit. She insisted I let her have it altered to fit me before I decide. I shouldn’t have agreed to that. She had it altered, which must’ve cost a fortune, because it had to be altered in every way to make it fit. I thought it looked “okay.” It’s a pretty dress but just not my style and doesn’t look great on my body style. I wanted a Lacey Flowy boho style champagne color and this is white satin and fits in a way that shows I have no butt and other things I feel self conscience about. She was teary eyed she loved it so much on me. And my future father in law beamed with pride because it was his seamstress that had altered it. I couldn’t bare to tell them I didn’t like the way it looked on me. Fast forward several months and I have lost 25 lbs. I tried the dress back on today and now it’s swimming on me. It’s going to have to be altered again to take off several inches on the waist and sleeves. I still think it looks just okay. I feel like I might have an opportunity to come clean here and say “the dress no longer fits. It could be altered but although it’s a very pretty dress, i just don’t think it looks great on me.” I feel miffed at my future mother in law for not letting me pick my own dress (or flowers... or table arrangements..) we are paying for this wedding aside from the things she keeps buying without checking with me first. Bu she means well. She will be very upset if I don’t wear the dress she bought. She gets offended easily and holds grudges. The wedding is just one (very special) day. But I have to get along with my mother in law for the rest of my life. Do I suck it up and wear a dress I’m not at all enthusiastic to wear or come clean????

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16 Comments

Latest activity by Caitlin, on June 17, 2020 at 1:13 AM

Master May 2019
Cyndy · on June 16, 2020 at 8:16 AM
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No you don’t suck it up and wear the dress. While it was a thought to tell you about the dress it was not right if her to keep pushing it on you. It’s YOUr wedding day and you should wear what you want. You need to be honest and tell her that you appreciate it but it’s not what you want for your wedding day. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this but if she’s that pushy about something she shouldn’t even be involved in I’m worried what you will have to deal with later in the relationship. Set boundaries now.
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Super September 2019
Courtney · on June 16, 2020 at 8:44 AM
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I think it will be hard but I do you think you should come clean. I would say you really appreciate that she thought of you when she saw the dress but you want to wear a different dress that fits your personal style better. It’s your wedding and you want to feel confident and as “you” as possible and the dress doesn’t give you those feelings. Don’t let her pressure you into something you don’t want and be clear on the boundaries.
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Expert August 2020
Jodie · on June 16, 2020 at 9:23 AM
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A lesson I learned the hard way...If you don't speak up now you are going to reinforce the idea that it is ok to push her ideas, opinions, etc on you (not just wedding, but potential parenting and other life choices) and that you will just go along with it to keep the peace. It allows her to essentially control aspects of your life because you are trying to avoid confrontation. I would politely tell her you appreciate everything she was trying to do but the dress no longer fits and it is not what you envisioned for wedding day.
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Master October 2020
Margaret · on June 16, 2020 at 9:40 AM
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It's your wedding and you just simply kindly say it's a beautiful dress, but NOT the dress for me. Every person has a certain style and not every style looks good on them. Be honest, it's all you can do.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on June 16, 2020 at 11:00 AM
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I don’t think you should suck it up cause it doesn’t fit anymore anyway.
But maybe you can consider wearing it for something else like a reception dress very late into the reception aha
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Dedicated November 2021
Philippa · on June 16, 2020 at 11:25 AM
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If I were you I would tell her you’re having huge dress regret not trying on all the other styles you dreamed of and go dress shopping with her (and other friends/family that will be vocal!) When she sees how in love you are with another dress or style that flatters you really well she may understand that there is something else better for you that you love.
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Dedicated October 2021
Gabbysitaxo · on June 16, 2020 at 11:36 AM
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Don't wear a dress you do not love for your wedding! Maybe you can opt to wear it for something else? Like a photoshoot or something else? This way, it does not go entirely to waste.
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Savvy May 2021
Victoria · on June 16, 2020 at 1:48 PM
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I agree with everyone above that its your wedding and you should be able to choose the dress that YOU want. Its your wedding not hers.
If you want to avoid a confrontation you could always buy a dress that you love for the ceremony and do the cake cutting/first dance in it and then change into the one she bought for the end of your reception.
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VIP October 2020
Samantha · on June 16, 2020 at 4:23 PM
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You should absolutely set boundaries with her now. I understand that you're going to have to have a relationship with her for the rest of your life, but there will be other conflicts and it's important for you to be comfortable standing up for yourself. Feeling confident matters, especially on your wedding day. You deserve to wear a dress that you love, even if that's difficult for her to hear.
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Master October 2021
Mrs.a · on June 17, 2020 at 12:03 AM
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No, no, no...hear that? Just say no. But be gracious about her efforts and let her know you really appreciate her thoughtfulness but this is your day and you should feel like you!
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Master October 2022
Jana · on June 17, 2020 at 12:28 AM
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Be honest and tell her that you appreciate her gift but you have your own vision for what you plan to wear. It's not your fault if she gets upset.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on June 17, 2020 at 12:43 AM
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No way, girl! It’s YOUR wedding. Wear a dress that makes you feel beautiful. Tell her by phone ASAP that you appreciate her thoughtfulness but you need a get a dress that feels like you. If she holds a grudge, her fault. She bought YOUR dress without YOUR permission. That’s actually a bully move.
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VIP June 2019
Hanna · on June 17, 2020 at 12:49 AM
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I agree with the PPs. Now is the time to set boundaries! You deserve to wear a dress YOU love at your wedding. Please do not compromise on this or you may regret it later. Thank her but explain you really had a different vision
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Savvy April 2021
Hope · on June 17, 2020 at 12:58 AM
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Agreed! Don’t wear it to your wedding—you’ll be looking at these pictures for the rest of your life!

Could you have the dress altered to be shorter and more casual, wear it to your rehearsal and rehearsal dinner?
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Expert January 2021
Caitlin · on June 17, 2020 at 1:12 AM
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Heck no, girl! I think it was very nice and considerate of her to try to help - I wish my mother in law would do something like that for me. However, I do agree that it is pushy if you don't love it/want to wear it on your wedding day. This is definitely not something to suck it up about. If the bride isn't completely happy, nobody is. It isn't right for her to push her opinions and desires onto you. I agree with PP - you should say something. The most polite way to put it would be that you appreciate her efforts, but the dress is just not what you envisioned and it's no longer fitting correctly. You probably need to set boundaries and this will give you an indirect way to do so because things like this, unfortunately, can ruin a marriage as mothers can be controlling of their sons. Things such as this do come up in marriage (not only about the wedding and marriage, but also about children, finances, etc.) and learning to consistently stand your ground when necessary is extremely important from the beginning. Might be difficult, but I would come clean so that you aren't forced to compromise. There will be obvious tension if you aren't 100% confident on your wedding day. So sorry you are having to go through this. Its your day, wear whatever you have always dreamed of because you might experience some overwhelming regret otherwise. If she holds a grudge against you for making yourself happy, that's her fault! She bought the dress without letting you know. You could honor her vision in another way (wear it in a photoshoot, repurpose it, reception, sparkler exit, etc.), but do not wear the dress all because she wants you to. I wish you the best of luck!!!
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Expert January 2021
Caitlin · on June 17, 2020 at 1:13 AM
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Very, very well said! I, too, learned the hard way. I no longer bite my tongue if it's something that matters to me.
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