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Devoted May 2019

To invite.. or not to invite.. that is the question.

Rebecca, on September 30, 2018 at 2:58 AM Posted in Planning 0 9

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Hey friends, I would love some advice.

so FH and I are trying to put out final guest lists together sometime soon so we can send out save the dates in a week or two. However.. FFIL keeps trying to add to the guest list..

some background info:

FMIL died over summer and lots of people around the small town FH is from has been helping out FFIL, and he wants to help invite every single person that has reached out to him.. and he has offered to pay but at this point we are already at 300 people being invited... holy cow... HOWEVER. FFIL lives 2 hours away. He in convinced that 75% of these people won’t show up that he wants to add because it’s “so far” (my family is flying from 16 hours away so I can’t tell if I believe that or not) and they are all kind of old, like 60s and up. So he wants us to include them so they feel nice and aren’t left out and he’s convinced they won’t come anyways..

BUT I am nervous for the “what if they all make an effort to come because FMIL just died” thought my mother and I have been thinking... and FFIL just keeps saying “but they are wealthy and they will give you a present” and I just hate that idea...

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Meesh, on October 1, 2018 at 11:14 PM

Dedicated October 2018
Elizabeth · on September 30, 2018 at 7:56 AM
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I ran into a similar situation where my mom was paying so she asked us to invite about 40% of our guests. Thankfully, they were all out of town and a majority said no, but we were stressed the entire time getting invites back because we didn’t want all these people to come. I’m glad that I invited them because my mom is happy and they’re just happy they got invited. (Also, the rich and old ones from out of town did send gifts anyways even though they declined. Obviously you aren’t basing a decision off this, but just thought I’d mention it.) However, if all of them would have come, I probably would have cried. I’m an introvert and can’t imagine having to greet that many people on my wedding day.
Not sure if any of this helps. But you’ve got a hard decision to make and I’m not sure if there’s a wrong answer.
How many people fit comfortably in your venue?
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Champion June 2019
Kenisha · on September 30, 2018 at 8:50 AM
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300 people?!

Oh my gosh 😳

Are you paying pp?
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Devoted May 2019
Rebecca · on September 30, 2018 at 12:16 PM
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My venue can fit up to 350, it is a large place but they can also put walls up so that is does not feel so empty with 150 people, which was originally the number of people we are going for.

My parents have been so gracious that they have offered to pay for everything for up to 150 people. We decided to fill those slots with mandatory family and close friends, and that FH and I would pay for any additional friends we wanted to add... FFIL has added about 150 people himself. He says he will pay for them but I just personally am so scared they are all going to come. It is 2 hours away so FFIL is so sure they wont, but if my family friends are coming from across the country for the wedding, why would 2 hours stop anyone...?
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VIP October 2018
queenbee · on September 30, 2018 at 5:08 PM
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Personally, I wouldn't invite them. I would tell FFIL that you wish you could invite everyone, but you prefer to keep it to family and close friends. Let him invite a few of those people that he's closest with, but you said he's added 150 additional people. That's a little insane, especially because they're people you guys don't know. I would be so uncomfortable with that at my wedding. That's an extra 150 people you're going to feel obligated to meet and talk to on your wedding day, taking up time spent with the people who you actually wanted there.
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Master October 2018
MrsV1027 · on October 1, 2018 at 7:30 AM
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2 hours isn't that far. My family lives 2 hours away and we visit several times a year and don't even stay overnight. I wouldn't invite them if you don't know them.
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Dedicated August 2019
Christina · on October 1, 2018 at 11:41 AM
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2 hours is not very far away and I do think that a lot of people would come since your FMIL just passed as a way to be supportive...
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Dedicated June 2018
Monica · on October 1, 2018 at 12:45 PM
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My husbands family lives 2 hours away at all 100 of them came! Most were in there 40s-50's but we had about 3 couples in their 60s-70s. My family was all 20 mins away and half of them didn't even show up! It's really a "know your crowd" I would count on 75% of those people showing up (industry standard). If money isn't an issue, I would probably have just invited them because FFIL seems to want the emotional boost, but if you don't like these people or feel like that many people would ruin the feel of your wedding then maybe try to get FFIl to lower that number to like 40 people or something like that.
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VIP August 2018
Kristen · on October 1, 2018 at 5:56 PM
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Never invite people out of obligation and especially not if you're hoping they won't show. If they end up RSVPing yes then you are stuck. It's not about him paying for the extra people (which was nice of him to offer) but it is your wedding and why should you invite a ton of people you don't know? You already have 300 people - that's a ton!
You have to politely tell him that you are already at max capacity guests and you can't accommodate more people who you don't even know.
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Expert October 2018
Meesh · on October 1, 2018 at 11:14 PM
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Aww, I feel so bad for your FFIL, and I understand where he is coming from and certainly sympathize. That said, it's still not right for him to ask you all to do something like this. If he'd like to bring a special friend or a "plus one" that you all don't know, that would be great, but that many people you don't know is just WAYYYY too much for one bride to handle!!
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