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Just Said Yes August 2019

To Elope Or Not To Elope...

Elizabeth, on October 24, 2018 at 12:21 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

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That is the question!

My fiance and I have been engaged for almost a year and a half now, and we're really struggling with deciding how we want to celebrate our marriage. With my fiance's family on the East coast of Australia, us living on the West coast, and all of my family in the United States, we're finding it hard to plan something that is both convenient for us and our loved ones, but also encompasses the main things we want out of a wedding.

After months and months of trying to plan the "traditional" wedding here in Perth, we eventually landed on a very small, intimate ceremony/lunch reception over on the East coast for us and only 15 guests (including 6 people from USA). My ONLY issue with this option is that I come from a poor family, so I feel sick about asking so many of my VIP's to spend thousands of dollars to attend my wedding. Although they have all expressed a desire to be there, I know they can't afford it so the thought of having them there really stresses me out. I think it would add a lot of unneeded pressure, trying to make the whole experience memorable/"worth it" for them.

Since this whole issue has arisen, we've been seriously considering eloping as a way to save ourselves the money and stress of planning, as well as ease the pressure off of any guests to try and make it over here. The whole idea sounds so lovely after so many months of stress. However, I can't shake the feeling that I might be a little bit sad/underwhelmed on the day. The thought of getting ready alone (I already purchased a dress that I definitely can NOT get into by myself!)/not having anyone to share in my excitement is a bit depressing.. I would love to have just my older sister and grandma there with me, but I fear going that route would just hurt people's feelings as they would feel unimportant and left out.

At the end of the day, all I really want is to be married and happy. I'm just trying to figure out the best way to make that happen!

Any suggestions?

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Jazmin, on October 24, 2018 at 10:08 AM

Super May 2019
Chrystal · on October 24, 2018 at 12:40 AM
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I am having a small ceremony/eloping in Paris. We invited our families and close friends but unfortunately most will be unable to attend. We thought about having a wedding in the US too but it wasn’t feasible costwise. Our dream is for a wedding in Paris so we decided that was what was most important. I think you have to decide if it’s more important to have your guests there, to have the wedding in a certain location or to save money. I think that will help you decide.
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Dedicated June 2020
La · on October 24, 2018 at 5:33 AM
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Well, this isn't going to be convenient for your US family no matter what you do, frankly, unless you take it to them.
I'd just do what you are hinting at and elope. Sounds much easier and far more stress-free. Your SO can help you into your dress. It's OK.
You'll be married and happy either way. Cut the stress.
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Dedicated April 2019
Sassi · on October 24, 2018 at 6:56 AM
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Can you and your future spouse afford to pay for your relatives’ transportation and hotel? If you can, by all means — invite them and fund it! I’m sure they’d jump at the opportunity. However, if you can’t, which is entirely fine, then eloping would be your best option. For the elopement, your planner can assist with your dress. You can still have a photographer and videographer. Send the video to your relatives online once it’s available, so they can feel like they are there, without the financial stress of international travel. Elopement is also a good plan because it’s intimate. You and your fiancé can still have a romantic dinner afterwards, and no one can suggest your least-favorite song to the DJ or tell you the bridesmaid dresses aren’t the color they’d choose. This is your and your fiance’s day — how you choose to spend it is entirely up to the 2 of you. A third option: consider having a small wedding (15-30 people who live locally) now, then have a big anniversary party with friends and family around the globe in 5-10 years. This way, people you know can still watch you get married, but no one will have a huge travel expense.
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Savvy October 2018
Aszha · on October 24, 2018 at 8:03 AM
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Elope! And then plan to visit your family as part of your honeymoon.
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Dedicated September 2018
Claudia · on October 24, 2018 at 8:11 AM
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Just do it! My now husband and I had been dating for almost 6 years, we got engaged in June and didn’t want a long engagement so we eloped in Santorini almost 2 months ago and it was the best decision ever. Yes, it was a little bit sad not having gmaily and friends but I reminded myself this was about my now husband and I. We hired an amazing photographer/videographer and have now shared all the pics/video with our family and friends. They were super happy for us.

The more I read through this forum on how everyone is doing before, during, and after the wedding, and how stress and unhappy they sound due to all the drama, the more I’m convinced we absolutelt made the right decision. If you decide to elope and want to do it in Santorini let me know and I’ll share all the details of our wedding planner.
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Super April 2019
Jazmin · on October 24, 2018 at 10:08 AM
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Think about the big picture here, you want to marry the love of your life. That day , whether you decide to elope or not, is going to be memorable and special on its own. In your case, I would elope or have a tiny wedding.
Look at my case for example, my husband and I met in the US while I was getting my master's, my mom met his parents when she visited us and my husband met my family when he came to my country. We've been on a long distance relationship for some time now and last time I visited him he proposed, and a week after we eloped. It was the best day of our lives, just us, 5 of his friends and the judge.
Since we still want the rest of our family to meet, we decided to have a destination wedding in my country only with our parents, siblings and their spouses, 2 friends and 2 uncles. We explained to our relatives that we only could afford a small wedding and they understood.
So if you want to elope that's great, you could arrange a visit to both families afterwards and celebrate with them. Or you could have a small wedding at a cheap place for them to travel to, no matter what you do it'll be great.
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