Saying no to fmil

1) I would tell her no.I wouldn't let this one It's at your house and I don't think she gets to invite people to your home.

2) This one I would probably let happen. If its not your wedding dress, I might let this one slide just so you can "pick your battles"

1) Definitely tell her no. It’s a brunch for your bridesmaids and you and FHs mothers, not HER mothers. If you’re hosting and paying, she gets no say. Don’t let her walk all over you.
2) Basically same advice. If you don’t want/need those additional people there to dress shop, tell her no again. It’s one thing to invite yourself. It’s another, entirely rude thing to do to start inviting a bunch of other people when it’s not your event to invite people to. Stand your ground. I would tell her no because it’s not what you want.

Tell her no on both items. She doesn't get to decide to invite her mom and sisters to these events.

I would say no. If you start saying yes to things now that you don't want it will be a snowball effect of not being able to say no

Stand your ground. It’s your day, don’t let her dominate it. Saying something like “Hey, I’d really like to keep it to only guests I invite, so please don’t invite anyone without checking with me first.” I think is a firm, but polite way of going about it.

I would politely say no to her for both. I understand picking battles, but she can't just run a train on your events. Plus, why would her relatives want to sit through bridesmaid dress shopping?

I have to agree with everyone else. I’d tell her no. Especially as far as the dress shopping is concerned, a lot of places will limit you as far as how many guests you can have. It gets to be too much with too many opinions flying around.

Party - Stepmother is related to FI, her mother, grandmother and aunts are not . Their only reason would be that they are related to one bridesmaid, stepmother's daughter (FI half sister.) You have several bridesmaids, it seems. And for each of them, you have NOT invited their Mom, Grandmothers, Aunts. That would be 2-7 more guests per bridesmaid. So you need to tell stepmother just that. She is welcome, because SMOG. But all female relatives of bridesmaids are not invited. Period. Shopping: Most mothers of bridesmaids are not shopping for dresses, she is because the BM is FI young half sister. But managing more than 3 people's opinions dress shopping, including bm, is too much . Bride, BM, SMOG , that is as many as store can handle for a bridesmaid dress. Maybe for a prom dress, the poor girl can have multiple female relatives. And she can show them the chosen gown after purchase, before the wedding. But no mass shopping trip. You have to have sympathy for this BM who may weigh in against her mother, but will have no say if a contingent of her mother, grandmother, aunts are there. Don't tell SMOG that. But be nice to your soon to be sister-in-law, and put your foot down, mother is buying dress, bm wearing, you as bride approving or not. (And think of yourself, would you say No to a dress you and bm do not want, with SMOG, her moms and aunts, all in agreement against you?)That is enough for one decision.

View Quoted Comment Your dress logic was exactly what I thought. And my other BM going - SMOG’s neice - has severe social anxiety. I was really worried about her picking a dress she genuinely likes with all her family there.

Poor baby. She would be paralyzed. And they would weigh in opinions on hers too. She would feel like a baby bunny surrounded by a pack of hungry she-wolves.

View Quoted Comment I agree!! She'll begin to think she can do anything she wants and you won't say anything

View Quoted Comment Exactly. Also both of them are adults (sister is 19 and neice is 28) so I don’t even know why they “need” their mothers.

Unless SMOG is paying her daughter's dress bill, which I assumed, no reason for her, never mind others!

1. If it's important to you that this is intimate, then I'd tell her it's only for mothers & bridesmaids. If not, I wouldn't mention anything.

2. I would stand your ground on this. Maybe tell your bridesmaids how you feel, and they can talk to their mother/aunt. Then they could come to brunch after?

Learn to set firm boundaries with your future step-mother in-law now or she will make your marriage a misery.

I would tell her thank you for thinking of me and wanting more people to have fun and celebrate me but I really only want moms and bridesmaids there. It's YOUR party, you decide who to party with, done and done. 😊

1 - If you want her Mother and Mother-In-Law there, sure. If you don't, absolutely tell her that they are not invited. This is your wedding, your event, you set the guest list for events. I would find a polite way to tell her that.
2 - I would say there are 2 options here. 1) is that you could ask the BM's you are doing this day with and see how they feel. If they are into the additional guests, then sure. 2) the other option here is to say no. In my opinion, doing wedding stuff with your BM's is supposed to be a personal time, maybe some bonding. If it was me, I wouldn't want the extra invites and I would find a polite way to say that. Maybe we can do something else later or another time, but this is just me and my girls.

Ugh this is a tough one! :/ i would say no to both though.. its not fair thats she trying to invite others to your events that your inviting her to. So it can make for a hard convo but i think it will be worth it

Thanks everyone! I think I’m going to call her tomorrow and tell her no.

As far as the party, that was designed to thank the bridesmaids for all the time, effort, and money they are going to expend - not random family.

I also wanted a more intimate experience with the dresses.

Thanks for your advice!

I think you need to set boundaries asap. Speak to her about why she feels so free inviting people to events that you are hosting. Let her know how this makes you feel. Whether you allow these two things to occur or not, have that conversation with her. It may help you bond, and gain new understanding of each other.