Parents trying to control my planning

Tell them that you cannot accept their money if there are strings attached and pay for your own wedding.

Pay for your own wedding, then you can have the wedding you want.

If you want control over planning your wedding, you need to pay for it yourself.

The answer is to pay for everything wedding related yourselves.

PLEASE have the wedding you and your spouse want. Don't be controlled by them or their money. This day is about the two of you, not everyone else. Dont accept money as a gift if there are strings attached.

Pay for your own wedding. Have the wedding you want.

Ultimatums are terrible things. Pay for your own wedding, and have it where you want it. People pleasing will only harm you. Only please yourself and your FH.

Ooh, I am sorry to hear parents are being like this! I'm guessing they have always planned in the back of their minds that your wedding would be a certain way, and they aren't connecting with the reality of your new life now.

Give them some time to come around, if you have time?

If you are sure you want your wedding in town X, then say firmly, this is where my wedding will be, so we will be paying for it ourselves. And then the wedding will have a very small guest list.

I hope they will come around after you say that.

It is tricky for parents to remember how long you've been gone and grown up, and that their friends are not necessarily people you want at your wedding.

If you don't want their input, don't accept their money.

I'm afraid the only way to get out from under their thumb with this is to not accept their help with paying for the wedding. As long as they are contributing, they get a say.

Decline their money, it's coming with strings attached.

My fiance and i have a similar problem with his mom our wedding is just over 2 year away and she making plans for center pieces that i havent even decided on yet. That being said u need to out ur foot down. If they are paying for it then i cam see some compromises having to be made but if u want it closer to home thats fine to but then make thwn make the cuts u want to make on thw guest list

I agree with everyone else, if you accept their money then you also have to accept that they get a say in what happens. If you don't want that then you can say no to their money but then expect to pay for everything yourselves.

Pay for your own wedding and don't discuss your plans with them. Ultimately it's up to you and fiancé, as far as where and when you get married. So there money will come with strings attached. They can pull finding when they want if you don't agree with what they want.

My parents had an issue with me getting married here (16 hours away from where I grew up). Is there a middle point that's maybe only 45 minutes from both locations? What we ended up doing to compromise was I wanted a stations dinner in SC and they wanted a seated dinner in MA. We both had strong opinions about that, but the compromise is a wedding in SC with a seated dinner. It took a while for them to come around to anything wedding-related, but about 6 months later, they're starting to take an interest and are planning to fly down in April for dress shopping. It can be hard for moms to realize that their daughters have been dreaming about their own wedding forever, too, and those dreams might be different from what they had in mind. Another option for a compromise could be a smaller ceremony maybe in your home town followed by a reception where you live. To me, an hour and a half isn't ridiculously far and I've seen lots of weddings with longer gaps due to church hours, etc. That would probably be less than ideal, but maybe it could open the door to some productive conversations

Elope........

Yeah agree with PP's... even if you compromise on this one thing, location, you will be playing this game with every decision going forward. Either pay for your wedding yourselves or give in to their demands. If they pay, they get a say.

Yep- - agree with PP's, and as a parent I can only guess that they want to 1) exercise control and 2) refuse to see you as a grown up. Your wedding in is 18 months, that is a long time to save up for a modest wedding that you want. Refuse their money and have the wedding you want! Be firm.

Oh my gosh! This is so awful. I hate that you are so stressed! A lot of people are saying to pay for your own wedding, but if you really can’t pay for it all, is there any way you can sit down with your fiancé and parents and discuss a compromise? It seems very manipulative of your parents to say they won’t pay for anything unless you have a wedding where they want. Also, talk with your fiancé and his parents about it, too. My fiancé’s parents are helping us by paying for the rehearsal dinner and our honeymoon. But it doesn’t have to be about tradition. If they can help pay, too, in some way, that could be a big help!

I'm so sorry to hear about your family troubles. That can be very frustrating.
As PP have said, decline your family's help with the wedding and pay for everything yourself.

I have also moved an hour and a half from my hometown, but we're having the wedding where we live now because of his grandparent's inability to drive long distances. Is there any other reason that your parents want you to have the wedding closer, other than it's where you're from? Are you able to compromise and go somewhere in between? Not that you're required to in the slightest, but it may be something to consider if you have a fair number of people coming from your hometown.