NWR: Starting a Family

1. Thank your FH for his service.

2. Still waiting for the purpose of this post...Type it all in word then paste into the thread.

I'm however interested in possibly fostering to adopt. Anyone here an adopted foster child or a foster parent? Anyone done invitro? Being pregnant scares me. Giving birth scares me. Heck, my confidence to raise an kid isn't very strong? We aren't making any rash decisions in case this is just a phase but I'm interested in input from others.

Being a foster parent would be the way to go in this situation, in my opinion. That way, you can tell if you really want a child all your own. (I feel like I worded this wrong...)

Here's the issue with fostering, (it's different for everyone so this may not be you), the kids go away. Sure, it sounds like the perfect situation, but the reality is that most of those kids come from terrible situations, and when they go back to their parents, they are not generally going back to a safe environment. I have worked with foster kids many time (I coach gymnastics) and their foster parents continually struggle to give them back. They fall in love and cannot stand to watch them go back to an unsafe situation. I actually stepped in on a trial for a set of foster parents who were wanting to adopt one of my gymnasts. They ended up winning the case and adopting her, but it was so hard for the child before she was legally adopted. She never really knew who her parents were and where her home was. I think it just gets hard not only for the parents but for the kids as well, and that can be heartbreaking. I think it would take some real consideration before becoming a foster parent. I myself could never do it, I would want to adopt every single one. It's definitely something that takes a special kind of person.

EDIT: If you're fully going into the fostering situation intending to adopt, just know it's going to be a long, hard process. Fighting for a kid that isn't yours is hard. And even though it may seem obvious who the better parent is, the system generally wants to see kids with their biological parent.

I think that considering fostering or adoption is an amazing thing! There are so many children out there who need love and support. It's something that I plan to do when the time comes

My partner has a very close friend who has adopted a baby through foster to adopt, as a single mom. She originally had one child from birth almost, and as soon as she could she applied to adopt him. As soon as she did that, his dad reappeared and the now over one year old child went back to dad. About a month before that child was scheduled to be cometely transitioned back to his bio family, DCF called her in the middle of the night to take an infant. She said yes. As soon as she could she applied to adopt that child. That adoption was the fastest one ever in our county and I got to go watch them officially become a family. It was incredible. That is a pretty good microcosm of the process. You have to parent a child completely as if they are legally yours, and also be prepared that they may go back to their families. Hard stuff. And her story leaves out the many kids who have had terrible trauma and neglect, and the lasting effects that have to be dealt with. It's a great process. I highly encourage you to talk to your department, go to foster parent groups, do a lot of reading about parenting traumatized or neglected kids, and then make the decision that is right for you.