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Beginner May 2018

Not doing a registry- what to expect?

Liz, on March 1, 2018 at 12:22 PM Posted in Registry 0 32

Im having my shower in June. My FI and I have been living together since August. I already owned a house and he had an apartment, so we ended up combining our household belongings. Due to this, we have doubles and even triples of some kitchen equipment, living room decorations, bathroom stuff, etc etc. Because we have so much of everything, we decided not to do a registry. We sent nothing out with the shower invitations. We also feel like it’s tacky to ask for money or do a “honey fund”

My SIL and mom both agreed that if we don’t give people direction, they’ll just give us money anyway or “whatever they hell they want” which could potentially result in us getting more junk we don’t need. My SIL(who married my brother in 2016 and lived with him a year before the wedding) said we should have at least gone to look because they ended up registering for things they didn’t even realize they wanted/ needed like picture frames, cake cutter, champagne flutes, luggage, and monogrammed items.

Would it be too late to backtrack and register if we ever decided to? And if we still decide to forgo it, what have been other bride’s experiences with not having a registry? What did you end up getting?

32 Comments

Latest activity by Allison, on March 3, 2018 at 9:25 AM
  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
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    I always thought the point of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts. Not sure what you would be doing if you don’t register. I think you definitely need to create a small registry or don’t have a shower.
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  • O
    Master October 2017
    O ·
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    It would be best to set up a registry since you're having a shower. If you didn't want stuff and didn't want to set up a registry, I don't understand why a shower will be held. What about a luncheon instead without gifts?
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  • L
    Beginner May 2018
    Liz ·
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    I’m just not sure how to navigate it since the invites have already been sent out. We can’t just uninvited people and change the plan, can we? Especially with the venue booked.
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  • L
    Beginner May 2018
    Liz ·
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    I’d also like to point out that with my shower on June 3rd, I don’t know why the invites were sent out so early. I’m not involved in the process.
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  • O
    Master October 2017
    O ·
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    Then you have time to set up a small registry 😊
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  • L
    Beginner May 2018
    Liz ·
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    That’s the thing though, we don’t want one.
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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    It’s not too late to make one, and since you’re having a shower you definitely should. Your mother and SIL are correct, if people come to the shower they WILL bring gifts. ...and pretty soon you’ll have quadruples of the things you have triples of.

    Id follow SIL’s advice. Maybe find some sentimental wedding related stuff you can use there. Find things you might need for your honeymoon. Home decor. Outdoor furniture if you have outdoor space. Games! Hobby related gear.
    you really ought to give guests some guidance, but nothing says you have to stay inside the box and just get new sheet sets and towels.
    Also, haha any time anything breaks or gets damaged in our household, we throw a new one on the registry.
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  • Happy Hedgie
    VIP September 2018
    Happy Hedgie ·
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    If you have a shower you need a registry. If not you need to ask your host to contact everyone, apologize and let them know the invitations were incorrect and are actually for a bridal luncheon. This way you won't receive any gifts. If you wish to proceed with the shower then you should make a registry with a wide variety of price ranges on it and let the host know where you are registered. The host can then circulate this information as they are bound to be asked.

    Also, I'm curious are you already married or is your avatar just really outdated as it shows a wedding date of October 2016.

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  • An
    Super September 2019
    An ·
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    You asked what is best to do. It is rude to expect people to bring cash to a shower, so you will likely end up getting some things you don't want. Everyone needs upgrades. Replace some sheets, towels, kitchen items etc.


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  • P
    Master April 2018
    Powers2 ·
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    You need to have a registry if you are having a shower. Full stop.

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  • L
    Beginner May 2018
    Liz ·
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    I just chose a random date and name for anonymity.
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  • L
    Beginner May 2018
    Liz ·
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    I totally pressed reply before the comment was finished. I registered Ike that a long time ago for anonymity, but stopped caring once I realized I posed my date in another thread. Then I was too lazy to change it.
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  • Daria
    VIP January 2019
    Daria ·
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    It's not too late to register and if you're having a shower, you really need to. At this point, you'll be getting gifts whether you want them or not, so at least you'll be able to give some direction. Get yourself some nice upgraded towels, linens, pots and pans. Surely you have some things that you would like to have nicer versions of. Donate the old stuff or have yourself a yard sale. If you don't register, be prepared to deal with a barrage of phone calls asking what you want. It will be 1000x easier to just do a small registry. Or else you are going to get the most random collection of ugly things.

    Or, pass the word that the shower is now just a bridal luncheon. Because the entire purpose of a shower is to give gifts. Physical gifts, not money.

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  • P
    Master April 2018
    Powers2 ·
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    Then you have to cancel the shower.


    People do not gift cash at showers. And I live in the land of getting cash at weddings.


    Unless you specifically ask for cash (which is so so so tacky), people will bring you random gifts. So it's to your benefit to set up a registry. People will google your name + bridal registry and be able to find it. We did not include registry info on my shower invite and everyone found my registry just fine.

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  • L
    Beginner May 2018
    Liz ·
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    I know, but we have doubles, triples, and even quadruples of some things and no more space. I’d feel bad asking for things I might never use and don’t even want.
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  • Christina
    Dedicated May 2018
    Christina ·
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    You could register for house decor or appliance upgrades.
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  • AllieB25
    Expert October 2018
    AllieB25 ·
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    If you don't want a registery, you shouldn't have a shower. Like others have said, the whole point of the shower is to 'shower' the couple with gifts. People will most likely bring gifts anyway, as that's what you do at a shower, they'll just bring stuff you don't want.

    If you can't cancel the shower, I would make a small registry to give your guests direction so they get something you want, not 'random junk' as you put it. Just because you have 2/3 of some household items doesn't mean they can't use upgrading. We have 1,000 towels, but they're all crapy and don't match so we're registering for a matching set.

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  • L
    Beginner May 2018
    Liz ·
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    What are some suggestions for non conventional registry gifts? we already have stuff from both living in previous places, then I got a lot of new and updated things very recently when I had a house warming party. We don’t have the need, space, or want for traditional shower gifts.
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  • AllieB25
    Expert October 2018
    AllieB25 ·
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    You could register for things like board games (we're registered for a few), picture frames, camping equiptment (if you camp), some registries allow people to get you things like a wine of the month club, blue apron (I know a couple who was gifted a year of this for their wedding, they loved it), cooking classes depending on where you life, etc.

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  • Danielle
    VIP March 2017
    Danielle ·
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    Tools, camping gear, sports equipment, luggage, board games, gardening stuff if you have a yard, monogrammed decoration, seasonal decorations (spring/Easter), things you wouldn’t usually buy for yourself like nice platters/boards for hosting, fine China (didn’t register for but honestly would be nice to have one day for thanksgiving, etc)
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