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Just Said Yes May 2018

moh is doing nothing

Lucey, on March 21, 2018 at 5:02 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 18

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So long story short my maid of honor has done nothing to help me with my wedding other than going with me to David's Bridal to try on dresses and talking to me for a total of probably 20 minutes at her house on two separate occasions about the wedding. She has not made an effort to help and anytime I ask her questions about it she freaks out like it's all about her. I have no idea how to handle it, do I just continue letting her do nothing and then after the wedding confront her about it or do I tell her she needs to step up. My mom introduced me to her as a friend but we are honestly not super close. I helped her and her times of need and I honestly don't feel like I ever get a thank you. I could definitely use your guyses advice. A co-worker that I am friends with has helped me more with my wedding than my own maid of honor. And my coworker is now my best friend.

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18 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs. H, on March 22, 2018 at 8:44 AM

Expert October 2018
AllieB25 · on March 21, 2018 at 5:06 PM
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It is no one's job to help you with your wedding, other than you and your FS.
No one is going to care as much as you about your wedding. It may be time to lower your expectations.
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Super November 2018
Kiwibride · on March 21, 2018 at 5:08 PM
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Your MOH isn't meant to be helping you plan your wedding. That's solely on your FS. Lower your expectations and be happy with what she has done for you
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VIP June 2018
Marcellab · on March 21, 2018 at 5:09 PM
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Just because she's your MOH doesn't mean she needs to help with your wedding. It's you and your FS's responsibility not hers. You definitely need to lower your expectations of her.
ETA: Why did you even ask someone not that close to you to be your MOH? If she's not even close why would she go above and beyond to help you with your wedding?
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VIP July 2018
The Nuptials · on March 21, 2018 at 5:11 PM
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Why didn’t you make the coworker your MOH? Either way don’t say a thing as she doesn’t owe you any help.
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Expert October 2019
FutureMrsC · on March 21, 2018 at 5:12 PM
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May I ask why you chose her to be your MOH if you're not that close?
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Just Said Yes July 2020
Conikka · on March 21, 2018 at 5:12 PM
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I think you shouldn't lower your expectations because it's your day. I do feel that at the end of the day the final decisions do lie between you and your soon-to-be husband. Your maid of honor should help you with something not just absolutely nothing, in my opinion.
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VIP September 2018
Michelle · on March 21, 2018 at 5:14 PM
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Your MOHs job is to be there for you on the day of. It’s awesome to have one that’s present and caring through out. There is no rule book so technically she’s not in the wrong. You aren’t either.
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VIP June 2019
magnolia5 · on March 21, 2018 at 5:14 PM
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So she's not super close to you, but she's your maid of honor? You need to leave it be. The only thing she needs to be doing as MOH is buy the dress and show up. Lower your expectations. No one will care about your wedding as much as you and FS.
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Super August 2018
Marta · on March 21, 2018 at 5:17 PM
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Were you pressured to choose her as MOH since you aren’t close. It can be since you aren’t that close she just isn’t that excited for you and had no desire to reach out and help. It’s not obligation to help, but since MOH are usually the closest person to the bride they naturally are so happy for the bride and want to be there for They for support or help in anyway.
I think you should just let her be and not bring it up.
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Super May 2018
Summer987 · on March 21, 2018 at 5:18 PM
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Noone is required to help you plan or make decisions concerning your wedding except your fiancé. If they volunteer that's okay but they are required to go to meetings, tastings or conditions concerning your wedding. Your friends I'm sure are excited for you but as stated above no one isn't going to be as happy or as involved as you and your fiancé. Some of us have friends that are willing to lend a hand and help out but it's not a requirement. If you need help hire a planner or DOC. I have friends in my wedding party too but I don't expect them to help. They've offered but at the end of the day it's my responsibility along with fiancé to get things done and we are. Lower your expectations of your friends and enjoy the planning process.
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Expert June 2018
Mrs.Henderson2b · on March 21, 2018 at 6:02 PM
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What do you want or need her to do? Also, I wouldn’t have asked an acquaintance to be my MOH.
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Just Said Yes May 2018
Lucey · on March 21, 2018 at 6:03 PM
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Thank you all for your insight. Everything you guys are saying is true I just never thought of it that way. It is amazing what happens when you ask for help and you get answers outside of your little box yes. Thank you all very much.
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Dedicated May 2016
Jessa · on March 21, 2018 at 6:10 PM
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What sort of things are you expecting her to do? Have you asked her for help? Or are you waiting for it to be offered?
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Expert May 2018
Monica · on March 21, 2018 at 6:44 PM
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Why did you choose her if you aren't close to her?
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Dedicated June 2019
Moriah · on March 21, 2018 at 7:22 PM
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Switch your co worker to your MOH. I was a BM in my sister in laws wedding and she had a same situation. Me and her did all the planning and after she said she wished she would’ve just asked me to be her MOH
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Devoted May 2018
Kaitlin · on March 21, 2018 at 7:38 PM
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Honestly, no one has done anything for my wedding except me and FH. My MOH is planning a bach party and her and one of the BM have graciously offered to help me with the flowers and a few odds and ends the days leading up, but that’s it. She is not required to help you do anything. Like PPs asked, why did you make her MOH if your mom introduced you as friends, but you’re not actually friends?
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VIP May 2018
plangalCG · on March 22, 2018 at 12:19 AM
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That’s all my MOH has done too and that’s all I expect. If you weren’t close with her, why on earth would you ask her?
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Master September 2019
Mrs. H · on March 22, 2018 at 8:44 AM
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First off, it's not any member of your bridal party's job or duty to help you plan your wedding. Secondly, why is she your MOH if y'all aren't "super close"?
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