Managing a b List?

B lists are considered rude and cause hurt feelings. Guests do find out and then it is awkward. Also, an STD = invitation. If you send someone an STD you must send them an invitation.

I wouldn’t send anyone a save the date who is not definitely receiving an invitation.

I dont have a B List so this isnt a helpful comment... but I think the idea is kind of rude honestly.
I think if you gave them a save the date,you need to invite them...and not conditionally.
How would you feel if you were on the other side? Like you're good enough for a half invite, but only if somebody else cancels...

A B-List person should be a VERY local person who you KNOW will be available should a no response come in from someone on the A list. Now with that being said you CAN NOT send a STD to a B-List because if you do then they AUTOMATICALLY become an A-Lister!!! Hence the reason they should be someone who can be invited last minute. You can NEVER tell a B-List person their status! That’s automatic grounds for DRAMA!

No, you don’t send someone a save the date and not an invitation. Think of how you’d feel if someone did that to you.

We have a b list. But we also forfeited std altogether seeing as everyone invited was local and we just didn’t really see the importance on them. But I agree that std=auto invite.... We ranked our blist so if extra seats become available we’ll know exactly who to invite next. And we did also set our rsvp date a tad sooner than some for that reason. We would love for everyone to be invited but budget just doesn’t permit. I get it.

You don't B list. It's rude. Don't have one. Now there is nothing to manage.

You can't send them a save the date if there is a possibility they won't be invited.

I understand you like these people but if they weren't important enough to be on the "A list" then don't invite them. Period.

When they inevitably figure out they were b listed they will be insulted. I'm sure you would if you were in their position.

Best way to manage a B list is to throw it away.

I’m not really into B-lists like others have mentioned BUT I think you would be doing it the other way around. You definitely should not send them save the dates. If anything you send them an invite once you get your RSVPs back from your “A-list”

I have a B-list for my wedding AND have been B-listed. I honestly don’t mind; I have a small group of friends so any b-listing outside of our group is totally understood. I actually attended both weddings I was b-listed for, but I preferred one b-list invite over the other. (Stories at the end!! Lol)

I think everyone can agree that you do NOT send a save-the-date to anyone on your b-list. Think if it as “Please reserve this date for me but idk if I’ll invite you”

Yes, request your RSVPs earlier, not because of the b-list but because there will be people that will forget and it’ll take time to chase everyone down.

Back to my two b-list invite stories. The week of the wedding, I got a call from my college friend asking me if I could attend her wedding that weekend. She was extremely sweet and apologetic and explained how she wanted to make sure there was room for her family and whatnot. I knew she didn’t create a b-list maliciously and I understood that we’ve parted ways towards the end of college ... and her family is HUGE!! So I accepted, no hard feelings, and had a great time

B-list wedding number 2 felt a little ... off. Same as the last story, we had a college friend that we somewhat parted ways with (we see them every now and then at friends’ parties) and we knew they were paying for their own wedding so we fully understood when we didn’t get an invite. (Also would like to mention, our friend is a d***** and he knows it -___-). Fast forward to the Thursday before the wedding and we get a text/call (honestly I forgot how they contacted us) saying they were waiting for some RSVPs so we’re waitlisted and would let us know on Friday/Saturday if we can go (wedding is on Sunday). Like ... what???? At the time we really didn’t mind (we could tell they were frantically trying to fill seats) but now looking back it’s like ... it would’ve been better if they invited us on Friday instead of the whole “waitlist fiasco” that happened on Thursday. (Although, I will say, it was worth it to watch him ball his eyes out when she went down the aisle 😏)

moral of the story: if you’re going to invite a b list really close to your wedding day, make sure you make it a *personal* invitation. don’t waitlist them again. That’s like b list part 2.

There are a couple people on our b-list.. fun friends we don’t see very often but enjoy their company when we do. We did not send them STDs; we outright told them if we have room we will send them an invite.

We went to a wedding a couple years ago in which the groom (friend of a friend) just sent us a photo of the invitation and we told him our meal choices. FH and I had no problem with that and were just excited to go! So that’s what we’ll do with our b-list friends if we have the room.

I think B lists are a know your crowd thing. I’ve been a last minute invite and I didn’t mind at all, it was a relatively new friend. We had a small B list for our wedding but never received enough declines to utilize it. One thing to caution you from, the vast majority of our declines were in the final 2 days. At that point there’s no way we could’ve sent a normal invite because the rsvp by deadline would’ve passed. If we had gone to our B list I would’ve called those people and told them what was up and then sent the invite. As is, we have a lot of out of state family driving in that are concerned about weather (Colorado mountain wedding in January). If any of them cancel last minute I have no qualms about calling up some loca friends and extending a last minute invite, and I’m confidant they wouldn’t be offended. Know your friends

I personally think B listing is rude. We have people we want to invite, but we have a limit. So we sat down with parents and invited our immediate families and then friends. We are still over by about 8 people, so we are going to be cutting more unfortunately. But we have some time to decide. We are only sending STDs to our out of town guests so they can start booking accommodations. I have been B listed once, but it's a really weird story and I didn't mind it at all.

B list story: I was in college and casually seeing this 1 guy. I had a dance recital that I performed in and he came to watch. His friend who was getting married the following weekend was having their bachelor/bachelorette party the same night as the recital. He asked his friend if they cared if joined for the party. They said they didn't so I went bar hopping with the group after the recital that night. The bride ended up loving me and we danced the night away. She told me that if i wanted to come to the reception after dinner i could because as of that moment her rsvps were all set. Fast forward to the day before the wedding and I get a text from my guy saying that the couple had a RSVP suddenly decline and I was invited to dinner and the whole thing. So I went to the reception and had a blast. Just a weird set of circumstances that led to it.

View Quoted Comment Agreed with this. We had a small B-list, but we received our declines too late to mail out invitations. That said, there were people I reconnected with and invited them after our deadline. They weren’t on the B-list, but I actually did become fairly close after our invitations had been sent and invited them. It also really depends how you frame it, as someone else mentioned above. I personally wouldn’t be offended if I was B-listed but if you make it clear you’re looking for a seat filler then expect people to be upset.

Do not send save the dates to anyone who you are not 100% sure you will send an invitation to. If you do send invites to these B list people, make sure to send them a minimum of 6 weeks before the wedding, and make sure they receive at least 2-3 weeks to RSVP before the deadline. Otherwise they will know they were invited late.

I can’t fothom the idea of a B-List. That’s so incredibly rude and inconsiderate to your guests. If I were “B-Listed” and got an invitation you’d get a quick decline and nothing else. If I wasn’t good enough to you to get an invite firsthand, you’re not good enough to get my presence and a gift. That’s my view. It may not be your intention but that is how it can come off whether you mean it to or not.

No STD to anyone on the b-list. Send them an invitation when room becomes available.

If someone sent me a save the date and I made arrangements to go to the wedding took of work and so on. Then they said oh sorry we don’t have room for you I would be upset. I have people I want to invite but can’t due to guest list size. I just explain the reason they understood, with some we are going to go out to dinner with to celabrate.

View Quoted Comment I also wouldn’t feel bad if I was b listed 🤷🏾‍♀️. It’s not that a b-lister is less important it’s some people’s budget can’t cover all the people they want there.

View Quoted Comment I would understand if I was B listed. Just not if I got a save the date cause I plan ahead.