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Beginner October 2018

Little update and need help

Crystal, on August 11, 2018 at 2:25 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 15

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Well for the ones who seen my last post there's been more that my fsil has told me yesterday.well as I mentioned before in my last post the girl that was trouble texted me hours after my fh got arrested .I did not answer her I blocked her number. Told my fsil she just had the nerve to text me the day he gets arrested. She told me don't answer her she's just trying to start.and that my fsil was going to let her know where she stands and wat she needs to say well I was told by my fsil that this girl told her she buys my fh alcohol all the time ( not caring he has a addiction and kids) and they party with friends .so his sister said he's basically used her cuz of the alcohol so he said words like he said he did so she would buy him alcohol ect .then my fsil tells this girl she's nothing but trouble mind u she's a alcoholic herself has kids n parties n just got out of jail after s month last month.anyway she tells this girl to leave me alone n stay away from her brother and she will never be part of the family like me n my kids and shes a nobody.after my sil said that to her dont know if she got mad but she Then tells my fsil that they have a apartment she's taking him to get one n she went with him to his cousins house and etc so do if it's true or she said it cuz she was mad at wat my fsil said.but to the main thing that is tearing me apart when I first visited my fh in jail I asked why did u get arrested he told me he was drinking at a bar n some girl tryna talk to him and her bf didn't like it.and he dk that I found out yesterday that he lied to me cuz since she started stuff almost a month ago he's still been texting and hanging with her but telling me he's not.and this girl told my fsil the night he got arrested and she told her to leave us alone this girl told his sister that he was with her drinking and her male friend also and she told my fh she won't be with him if he keeps coming home to me n fhs home and keep being with me.and guess he started yelling dk about wat if he was sticking up for me or he was about her but then all three of them started arguing I guess and that's when cops arrived and took him cuz he is on probation so basically he went to jail due to himself n also her n her guy friend.so I've been heartbroken finding that he was still texting n hanging out with her and I him a bad letter saying I can't be with him cuz n I told him why n wat I Kno now and just cuz he didn't physical cheated to me he still cheated in other ways and lied but then I wrote him again basically saying I will leave if so n so n so on im so hurt I'm confused and love him so much and can't seem to really leave him cuz I feel like I'll be the bad guy if he's telling the truth but to me how else would the girl Kno he got arrested.or an I to blind to see what's going on..

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15 Comments

Latest activity by Ka-Rina, on August 15, 2018 at 10:22 AM

Master June 2016
Sarah · on August 11, 2018 at 2:54 PM
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I think you need to stop blaming this other girl for your FH’s actions. Do I think what she’s doing is ok? No. She’s also not holding a gun to his head though. He’s an adult and can make his own choices. It sounds like his choices have landed him partying and now in jail even though he has a family to take care of.
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Super June 2022
Kelsey Brielle · on August 11, 2018 at 2:55 PM
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Sorry you are going through this. What exactly do you need help with (you title says need help) because if you are asking us what you should do, only you can make that decision and it honestly sounds like you already have.
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Beginner October 2018
Crystal · on August 11, 2018 at 2:59 PM
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@sara yes I know it's actually both of their faults because she knew about me and the kids and you are right he's a grown man and knows what he's doing and going before he drinks and still does it
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Devoted December 2018
M.M. · on August 11, 2018 at 3:03 PM
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I’m sorry your being treated this way. This the time you need to look at yourself in the mirror and ask do I deserve to be treated this way? Am I happy with being lied to? Do I love myself? Don’t I deserve to be in a good healthy relationship? I believe I can do better by myself! When you show others that You respect yourself they are either going to respect you or leave you because they have a problem with respecting others. I have learned this after being is shitting disrespectful relationships. You have LOVE you 1st. If he really loves you then he will respect and honor you by being a clean life with you. If not then it’s his lost. Again, sorry this girl nor any man should treat you this way. Demand ✊
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Beginner October 2018
Crystal · on August 11, 2018 at 3:05 PM
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@kelsy I was meaning for advice not help sorry for miswriting it. And I'm torn I know I should leave because the lies and betrayal and him actually being with her the day he got arrested and that's why he did and the other half of me loves him so much and I finally had our life together and it's hard to leave and I don't want him going down hill n going crazy cuz I leave him.if I didn't find out he has still been texting and seeing her after wat happened n he almost lost me over it n now he's in jail cuz of drinking with her so if I didn't find out then I would be reconsider it but I did find out he's still been lien and he was drinking with her the day he got arrested and I think that's wat really put me to my breaking point
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Master July 2018
Cuoghi · on August 11, 2018 at 3:08 PM
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Get out of this relationship. Please. For yourself. You deserve better.
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Beginner October 2018
Crystal · on August 11, 2018 at 3:13 PM
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@m.m I have when she texted me saying stuff that day weeks ago I broke down and he almost lost me that day n he was swearing up and down he didn't do anything n instead of staying home with me and fixing us as I'm in tears n heartbroken he just ups n leaves saying he needs time to think smh and that he's not texting or seeing her but now he gets arrested and I find out he still was and he tells me he never touched her but he did say stuff when me n him was arguing he said stuff to her and I was trying to give him another chance b told him he needs to prove alot and do certain things to get my trust back and he said he promises he will but verbally abusing me on the phone cuz he's in jail and now I found out he was with this girl the day he got arrested so he lied about still talking n stuff involving her since the day she texted me saying they been together n Live together ect .
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Super June 2022
Kelsey Brielle · on August 11, 2018 at 3:17 PM
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So you honestly have (I'm not going to lie) a very hard decision to make. Only you know this man. We are going based of what you are writing but you know his true heart and his true intentions. If you really love him and DO NOT want to leave, seek counseling, for the both of you and also for yourself. If you want to stay with him, choose to rebuild and trust him again, if you chose the option to forgive him, do just that, forgive him. It is going to be hard, every time he grabs his phone your mind may start racing, ever time he walks out that door you may be going insane trying to think about where he is really going, (because it does happen) BUT that doubtfulness and fear does not last that long. Once you trust him again, it will disappear. But be SURE about the decision you want to make, and make sure you are, yes not only making the best decision for the both of you, but for yourself as well, because OP at the end of the day you have to take care of yourself. YOUR emotional and mental health is at stake here, I can tell by the way you wrote your opening. Couples that deal with a loss of trust go through have a very rough time trying to heal and mend, but it is possible to heal.
If you choose to leave, don';t doubt it for another second, pick up your head and your dignity and leave. If you feel and realize you deserve better, move on. It will be hard but you will look back and realize that you made the right decision, if you choose to leave.
All that aside though, I think right now, you need to take some time to yourself, pamper your self. Get some bath bombs, some candles, a great book and soak in the tub and just spend time alone to actually think! Recollect yourself and deal with this another day when you have calmed down and can think and process this more clearly. Good luck to you I really hope the best for you.
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Master August 2019
Tpatb · on August 11, 2018 at 5:23 PM
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In my honest opinion I would say take a break. You just expressed to us not too long ago that you just had your thyroid removed due to cancer..& that there was a possibility for return. Stress is a silent killer, please don’t do this to yourself. I am not saying leave your FH, but you definitely need counseling for him, yourself & eachother. I would postpone things bc you need this to be sorted out before even thinking abt a marriage. HE needs to do better. This other woman is only going to disrespect your relationship as much as HE will allow. You deserve a happier you for you & your kids as well. I’m so sorry you’re going through this & I hope that you find clarity soon!
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Beginner October 2018
Crystal · on August 11, 2018 at 5:32 PM
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@kelsy thanks and i know the real him and he doesn't like cheating at all he dispizes it and now he's been doing all this and lieing if he wasn't with her the day he got arrested and he started proven alot I could of forgave him but now I was told he was basically lien and was still texting her when he said he wasn't and he was still hanging out with her and drinking since I found that out the real reason he got arrested and that he half way lied when he told me why he got arrested so since then I have been on a emotional rollercoaster and hurt and sick and he doesn't know I know the real reason and that he was with her when he got arrested he won't know until he gets my letters in couple days.
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Beginner October 2018
Crystal · on August 11, 2018 at 5:40 PM
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@tpatB yes I Know and I'm trying not to be stressed and hurt but it's hard and exactly and for three weeks before he got arrested I told him to take care of it if he's telling the truth and say wat really needs to be said to her in front of me if it's thru text FB w e n he hasn't done it he just kept texting n seeing her and it was proven after he went to jail.and we were supposed to go to couples counseling cuz of all she first said then he ends up in jail and now the whole time he saying I love you to me n he's not doing anything that involves her but he has been and now he doesn't know that I know he was with her when he got arrested and this past two weeks I've been tryna believe him going to every visit and he says I love you n kissed me at the visits not telling me the truth on that day and not knowing I know now so idk wat I'm going to do it's hard cuz Ive waisted years with exes and believed them over girls and in the end the girls proven stuff n I felt stupid for believe them but my fh is different idk wat to do right now I got alot of thinking to do I guess
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Master July 2017
Going to the chapel · on August 11, 2018 at 7:38 PM
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This guy doesn't sound like good boyfriend material much less husband material. Call off the wedding. There are so many red flags. Alcoholism, jail, another woman. Leave and don't look back.
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Devoted February 2016
Joanna · on August 11, 2018 at 8:01 PM
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Please concentrate on your health and your kids. THEY need you calm, healthy, and happy. I don't see how you can be any of those things staying in this situation. He's adult, I know you feel guilty about what he might or might not do if you leave but he did this to himself. Don't take the blame for it! Please think of your health and your children. He's not thinking of anyone but himself.
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Beginner October 2018
Crystal · on August 11, 2018 at 8:12 PM
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@joanna yes I know I've been relaxing trying not to think about it and let it bother me and me and my fsil was just talking and she said she misses her real brother he's not himself and hanging out all the time and that girl and his people he calls friends who just buy alcohol n drink and it made him go over board and I told her I gave him a choice to prove himself better and gain my trust back from the lies and this girl and I told him about a inpatient treatment place for alcoholism and physiacatric help which we all been telling him he needs help with both and my fsil said if he doesn't do what he promised when he gets out and if he doesn't agree to the help he said he needs then she told me to move on cuz if he doesn't get the help when he's out then he's never going to change and be happy and if he doesn't then when he loses everything good he had then it will be his own fault so I'ma see and if don't do anything he said n gets the help then I'ma leave no matter how much it will hurt me I'm going to have to
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Expert September 2021
Ka-Rina · on August 15, 2018 at 10:22 AM
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Okay so the guy is an alcoholic who gets loud enough to get arrested - and if he went to jail he wasnt just loud.. its either NOT the first arrest or jail time... addiction... lies... and kids are involved??? and you are worried you will be the bad guy? why on earth would you deal with any of this!??!?!
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