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Expert September 2018

Jealous of...the eliptical

Heather , on April 9, 2018 at 6:13 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 56

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So i feel like my fh is jealous of me workimg out. I feel like he prefers me fat...
Back story is i used to weigh over 300 pounds when i was with my 1st bf and he suggested i get the lab band. I didnt want a lap band i researched weight loss and did it with eating right and exercise i also dumped 1st bf...
I was 180 when i met fh and i let him know i had a weight problem
I know its my fault i started eating more especially if we wemt to dinner as a date i also quit exercising to spend more time with him
Im 210 now and fh thinks im skinny he thinks ive lost weight but i insist i havent. The scale says im 210 thats 30 extra pounds, my clothes are getting tighter i can zip them but its uncomfortable in my thighs and butt...thats my trouble zone. My mom says i gained weight too she can tell but she thinks i look ok. Im tall and tho 180 was overweight for me she thinks i looked too thin now to her i look "healthier" even my moh soundd like she thinks im fat. My mom said her sister (my moh's mom) said after we saw them last she was talking about all the weight i gained and how im "not gonna fit in my pretty little dress"...my moh and her mom problems are a whole other story tho...
I started working out again causr im tired of my.clothes not fitting. I just wamt my old clothes to fit again lose the 30 poundd so i started exercising again
Since its been so long i only started at 20 minutes on the elliptical or weights. Thats not very lomg but i feel my fh is jealous that im doing this that im not spending the 20 with him
He also says im too skinny and dont eat enough since ive been cutting back my food intake
He says he likes me how i am...but i dont like me how i am
I tell him ive gained weight he insists im gaining muscle not fat and i look better now
How do you balance your relationship with being healthy and workung out??

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56 Comments

Latest activity by Kim, on April 11, 2018 at 12:11 PM

Beginner November 2018
Joanna · on April 9, 2018 at 6:27 AM
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I’m sorry you’re in this predicament. My FH is supportive if my workouts but I know he is a bit bummed when I’m gone but I’ve made it a habit to set aside time for him and I once I get home. I’ve also discussed working out together which he is liking and when I workout at home we workout together.

It’s definitely not an easy discussion to have but if it’s important to you he should understand.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on April 9, 2018 at 6:42 AM
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Maybe invite him to workout or come to the gym with you? Seems a little bit unhealthy tbh. Perhaps you could talk to him and found out what the real issue is that’s causing this. You have to feel good about yourself and we all deserve to have our alone time, no matter how we decide to spend it.
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Master July 2018
BoudreauToBe · on April 9, 2018 at 7:29 AM
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This does not sound like healthy behavior in a relationship. It shouldn’t be anyone’s business but your own how much you weigh or want to weigh, unless you are sick and the doctor told you to lose weight.

Ask him him why he feels this way and why he thinks you need to gain more weight. These are very controlling behaviors which are making me nervous for you. Does he ever try to control who you hang out with or what you do in your free time?
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Master April 2018
Mrs. Sponge · on April 9, 2018 at 7:51 AM
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Something seems off about his behavior. I am also overweight and FH tells me all the time he thinks I'm beautiful the way I am, but is supportive of me trying to lose weight. He works out with me and changed his eating habits to make it easier for me. We support each other in it, but he never lets me forget that he loves me for me and not what I look like. Your FH should be supportive of you, he doesn't have to change his habits like mine has, but he definitely should be showing you support of trying to be healthier.
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VIP October 2020
ThePeoplesBride · on April 9, 2018 at 8:06 AM
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I'm not going to lie, this behavior makes me worry. He sounds possessive not jealous. As if he wants you to become more and more dependent on him.

Keep working out. Keep trying to better yourself. 20 minutes is not a long time at all. Ask him to work out with you if he wants to spend those minutes with you. Otherwise he needs to stop trying to manipulate you into eating more, missing workouts, and gaining more weight.
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Super August 2018
Marta · on April 9, 2018 at 8:10 AM
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I think you should have a talk with him and see what’s really bothering him. He should be supportive of you. You are trying to be healthier. And it’s normal to not spend every minute of your free time with your SO. My FH works out everyday after work for 1hr and then bc he is leaving later gets stuck in rush hour traffic for another hour. Yes there’s days o wish he would just come straight home to me, but I would never get upset over it. I know that’s me having a selfish moment. He enjoys working out and it makes him feel good! And I’m loving his muscular arms too! 😉 It has motivated me to wake up early and work out too. It’s our alone time. We pretty much do everything else together.
I would offer him to join you or continue going without him. Don’t let him make you feel guilty. You want to be happy and he should support you in every way\
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VIP October 2020
ThePeoplesBride · on April 9, 2018 at 8:11 AM
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I 100% agree.
There is a HUGE difference between being supportive/uplifting and pushing you into unhealthy behaviors by trying to distort how you view yourself (you are too skinny, you don't eat enough).

Also, your MOH and her mom can butt out of your business about your weight. It's your body, not theirs and they have no right to comment on it like that.
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Expert September 2018
Heather · on April 9, 2018 at 8:12 AM
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He likes to workout too
He was more active when he was younger
Since he got a job hes less able to spend the time he did
We like to take walks, hike and ride bike in the summer
Ill be honest im not fitness model of the year
Hes alot more fit than me i would like to keep up more with him easier
I think workout dates like hiking are fun and we do sometimes workout togetner that doesnt bother him
He doesnt like me doing it regularly
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Expert September 2018
Heather · on April 9, 2018 at 8:14 AM
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Yes i want supportive
I mean its uplifting that he calls me skinny it makes me feel good
Luke i saud my first bf picked on my weight
I would hate for my fh to be like...oh id take you out to eat but you have to diet cause your fat...
But i would like support like oh lets workout together its fun
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Super September 2018
Janel · on April 9, 2018 at 8:16 AM
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FH knows I need to feel good about myself. He’s supportive of me working out. We’ve gone on walks/jogs together but normally I go to barre 3-4 times per week and run 2-3 times per week. I do this early mornings and on weekends he sleeps in anyway. Also, I usually cook so it’s been leaner meats and more vegetables. Either he doesn’t mind or hasn’t noticed.
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Expert September 2018
Heather · on April 9, 2018 at 8:17 AM
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Thanks
Yes i have a friend and her bf spends each night in the gym too and they dont seem to have problems
I think he is afraid of other guys liking me i think thats the problem :/
If i lose weight more guys will notice me
Thats my theory i dont know what to do about it
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Dedicated October 2018
Katie · on April 9, 2018 at 8:23 AM
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Invite him to workout with you! It’s a great way to spend time and create healthy habits together.
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Savvy June 2019
Arica · on April 9, 2018 at 8:26 AM
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I used to be all about working out and I got kind of bummed once I’ve moved im with my fiance bc i haven’t been working out and he hates working out. So we talked about it and decided to make a point to take out an hour each day for me to work out and he plays guitar since thats something he kind of gave up since we moved in together. Its good to have some space and do something that makes you feel better.
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Devoted July 2018
Janice · on April 9, 2018 at 8:35 AM
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Heather, your posts are starting to concern me.
Between this behavior and your post about the job issue and his refusing to consider moving even though your options are limited to fast food, I agree that this sounds like very controlling behavior.
It sounds like, based on what you’re saying, he’s trying to limit your opportunities and is getting jealous of you trying to better yourself.
It’s also worrying how much his mother thinks she can comment on your life, between this and the “you should work at Burger King” post. That’s not her place and she needs to step back.
I’d strongly suggest some individual counseling at the very least.
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Dedicated May 2018
Jocelyn · on April 9, 2018 at 8:43 AM
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Reading through all of the comments and your original post... I agree with everyone that there’s an underlying problem. I would address that to him, he should be supportive of you as well as everyone in your family.

Good luck with the weight loss!! 💪🏼
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Master April 2018
Mrs. Sponge · on April 9, 2018 at 8:53 AM
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Even for people that are skinny or in shape, they work out regularly. That's how people stay in shape. It is healthy behavior to work out a minimum of 3 days a week. It should really concern you that he doesn't want you to do something that is healthy for you and makes you feel better about yourself.
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VIP May 2018
plangalCG · on April 9, 2018 at 8:53 AM
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20 min is nothing, if it adds time to your life together! I know what you mean—I put on weight since meeting my FH and especially since moving in. I got out of my workout routine and still can’t even get myself to do anything so way to go on prioritizing your health! Exercise isn’t just about weight loss anyway...I agree—invite him along! I also think the two of you need to talk about having space within your relationship to do your own things, and to be supportive of your goals...he shouldn’t feel threatened by you spending time apart.
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Expert September 2018
Heather · on April 9, 2018 at 9:01 AM
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I might up 20 mins to more later
I used to workout everyday after work usually a good 45 mins to an hour before i moved in with him...
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Expert September 2018
Heather · on April 9, 2018 at 9:04 AM
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I dont know if hes trying to limit me or just worried that i might hurt myself or find someone else
I found an office job in a call center an hour away
I start this week and will see how it goes
So fmil would never asks about your job if you didnt have one?
I dont know how she knew i interviewed had to be him cause she was over askinh questions
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VIP June 2019
magnolia5 · on April 9, 2018 at 9:13 AM
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If he's trying to limit you, that's controlling. Why would he need a reason to limit your efforts to be healthy? Everything you're doing sounds within reason.

If he's worried you might hurt yourself, he needs to learn to trust you with something as simple as working out on an elliptical.

If he's worried you may find someone else, it's still controlling. He's allowing his jealousy issues to manifest and attempt to control you.

He needs to trust you and it sounds like he doesn't. I hope you two can resolve this. I would also talk to him about limiting what FMIL knows... sounds like she wants to have a large say in your relationship and she doesn't have a right to. Best of luck to you both.
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