Is there a way to "forget" to invite family?

No it would be rude to not invite them. Unless you are having a super intimate wedding your family might not even interact with her.

No you can't forget to invite her. She's your FH's brother's wife. She needs to be invited or your FH's relationship with his brother could be permanently damaged. Don't worry about her mouth. Seat her away from your family. If she makes inappropriate comments, she's the one that looks like a jerk. You won't have time to think about this that day and if she makes a fool of herself, that's totally on her.

You probably can't invite them unless you and FH don't want to have any relationship with them in the future and cause a lot of family drama. But I have a couple of ideas on how to minimize her impact. Don't include brother in the wedding and then you won't have to invite them to the rehearsal. Place brother and his wife way in the back at the reception, ideally by themselves. Since that's probably not feasible, sit them with other family members who know about her vulgar mouth and if you have a family member that will stand up to her and tell her to shut up, even better. Also, apologize to those family members in advance. Apologize profusely.

Hi there
As I am just as vulgar as the person you described is I might be of help concerning your question. However I am absolutely not "up to date" with common etiquette in any way. But I think this might also be true for your FH's wife.
I suggest not to "forget" the invitation (because it will be very obvious that you didn't) but to address the matter not with your FH but with his wife directly. According to your post I guess you never told her how you feel? For me it would be devistating to know that I made somebody that uncomfortable that they cried but never told me about it.
If you don't think you can manage this open discussion, ask your financé if he could do it for you. I don't recommend talking to your FH first because I know my husband would instantly side with me too and either not tell me at all or tell me a adjusted version that he would feel comfortable with.
I hope this helps. Also never feel obligated to invite somebody you don't like - it's your day!

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You're right. I've never directly spoken with her about this.

But it was mentioned that she made my FHs daughter extremely uncomfortable and her response was "Well she just needs to get over it!" I'm sure her response to me would be a million times worse.

I totally hear this. Because of how much we, as a couple, use this screenname I consider all conversations searchable and don't want to give details on the closr family member we have concern about.
We are giving another relative the job of "wrangler". I'm really worried about this, but the FH isn't there yet. He promises we'll figure it out.

Seems to me that it's time for a "seriously? Can we please talk about something else at the table? FFIL these mashed potatoes (or whatever) are fantastic! What did you do to them, could I have the recipe?" Repeat as necessary. I suspect others at the table are uncomfortable, and/or grossed out too.

To me it seems reasonable to ask you FBIL to have his wife keep quiet for one night. You said that you haven’t mentioned it since the initial conversation with him to keep the peace, she can watch her mouth for one night to keep the peace. She needs to realize that if it is something that makes you uncomfortable and is easily fixed on her part that she can do that for your day. Just tell FBIL that you don’t want your family and friends along with you personally to be uncomfortable at your wedding and you would appreciate it if she could tone it down this one time.

I would not not invite them unless you want to permanently damage the relationship with them. Seat them at a table with your FH’s family that is aware of her behavior. If she chooses to talk to people she doesn’t know like that then she will look bad and not you.

Have her sit with his family. At least they are used to it, unfortunately forgetting her invite will cause drama. I think there is a person like that at every wedding. It will be ok.

You can invite who you want! I would maybe have a conversation with her and if it feels like she’s not open to respecting your wishes then don’t invite her and she will know why since you had the conversation ahead of time! My brother is socially awkward and down right rude to ppl especially when he’s drinking so my mom is “babysitting” that night because she doesn’t want to be embarrassed either! We all have that one family member :/

Ugh. Sorry you have to deal with this.

1) I would have a chat with her directly. Phone call is fine. Uncomfortable (like ripping off a Band-Aid), so keep it short & sweet about how some of her conversations make you really uncomfortable and you'd really appreciate it if she could keep it "G-rated" for your wedding day and family. 'Nuff said.

2) Agreed, sit her with his family and carefully plan that table's seating chart (totally helpful to avoid guest drama and can actually create some cool conversations between the right people).

Good luck!

I'd have a conversation with her or her husband as uncomfortable as it may be. You don't want to exclude but they should be adult enough to understand that you are uncomfortable with dirty talk at your wedding. It's not a lot to ask of them or her. She needs to get her ish together.

Don't talk to her at your wedding. Then you don't have to deal with the dirty talk. Sit her with your fiance's family because as someone else mentioned - they will be used to her and you won't have to be concerned about her offending your family. She may interact with them at some point, and she may be innappropriate but you cannot control someone else's behavior.

You can try to put things in place but you cannot change how she is. Don't talk to them about "keeping her quiet"... that could be JUST as damaging. My sister is very judgmental about my friends and my husband. We have been through periods of not speaking because of some of the things she has said about my friends/boyfriends. You aren't helping anything and will only cause friction by asking her to "keep her mouth shut" for one night. She is who she is. Your brother in law clearly likes her this way, your in laws tolerate it. At the MOST you may express to her YOURSELF how much you are bothered by her vernacular in a discussion UNRELATED to your wedding - because really that is the core issue here. If you don't want to do that because you are worried about her response then that is okay but then THAT is your choice you have made and you cannot expect her to change without that attempt.

This is not the biggest point of your day. You are getting married. THAT is the biggest point of the day. Also, you are joining a family. Don't hurt your relationship with that family before you can even start it by not inviting a family member or putting that tension on your husband and his brother.

Oh, and if your fiance wants his brother in the bridal party --- let him. Don't dictate who is in his party because the wife makes you uncomfortable.

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I agree with this. All of it.