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Alyssa
Just Said Yes December 2019

Is it inappropriate to ask guess to drive?

Alyssa, on March 11, 2019 at 9:35 AM Posted in Planning 0 22
Hi there!

My fiancé and I live about 4 hours apart. We originally planned on doing things more towards him because his family is larger than mine. However, as time has gone by- it’s been really difficult to look at venues/florists/caterers/djs etc. etc. I feel like I’m just looking at everything online and it’s getting jumbled up in my head. I think it would be easier if my fiancé was more *into* planning (all of you ladies feel me?).
The biggest part of us choosing towards where he is was that we were going to invite all of his family (roughly 100-150) from his side. But he’s recently expressed he’d rather only have about 30-40(in total. Not from his side) close friends and family. So I thought it would make things a lot easier if we made the wedding location where I am.
I found the cutest venue here that I’d like to make a deposit on but we keep going back and forth on the idea. He thinks it’s inappropriate to ask 15-20 people to drive 3-4 hours away. And I said that’s why we send invitations. They have the opportunity to decline and it is completely up to them. But he is extremely hung up in the logistics- my family would have to drive just as far to him so I truly don’t understand what the big issue is here. Especially since I’m doing 99.9% of the planning. Am I wrong? Is it completely inappropriate to ask close friends/family to drive a few hours? Is there a happy medium here?Smiley sad

22 Comments

Latest activity by Masonbride, on March 11, 2019 at 11:57 AM
  • Allie
    Master August 2019
    Allie ·
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    3 to 4 hours away is not bad at all, especially for an intimate wedding. If you guys send STD a year in advance, I don't see a problem with this. I would go with the venue closest to you.

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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    Is there anything in the middle?
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  • Summerbride77
    VIP July 2019
    Summerbride77 ·
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    I agree with this! We 99% of our guests flying 3 to 5 hours. As long as you give people time to plan its not rude. As you said, they always have the option to decline.
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  • Alyssa
    Just Said Yes December 2019
    Alyssa ·
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    My fiancé is willing to do anywhere in the middle. Because it’s not “significant” to either of us. He’s a super laid back guy but I don’t know why he’s being so difficult about this 🤦🏻‍♀️
    • Reply
  • A
    Expert August 2019
    Ami ·
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    3 to 4 hours is no big deal. I've had to fly to most weddings I've attended and honestly didn't mind. If someone complains about driving a few hours then they can just stay home. I recommend setting up a hotel block for those guests who drive that far, they can choose whether or not to stay overnight.
    My FH family is in Texas, mine is split between Michigan and California. So no matter where we picked someone had to fly. His family has complained but we're not requiring them to show up, they can choose to come or not. So I think as long as his parents show up you shouldn't be concerned.
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  • Alyssa
    Just Said Yes December 2019
    Alyssa ·
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    Sorry, I meant ****he isn’t willing to do anything in the middle
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  • Alexandra
    VIP June 2019
    Alexandra ·
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    I see no problem with this. The sheer fact that people are able to drive makes it a non-issue!

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  • MrsJackson
    Super October 2018
    MrsJackson ·
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    On a different note. You should figure out an estimate on how many guests you're inviting before choosing a venue. You don't want to have a venue that isn't big enough for the amount of guests you're inviting.

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  • N
    Dedicated November 2019
    Nita ·
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    Why is it okay for your family and friends to have to travel but not his? Marriage is about compromise and he doesn’t seem to be compromising on anything here. If there are other events in the future you want to celebrate with both families, is your family going to have to travel again because he doesn’t want to “make” his family travel?

    Doing something in the middle is a good compromise for both families.
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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    3-4 hours isn’t bad at all, I have gone that far for a wedding for someone I wasn’t even that close with. And of course people have the option to decline if it’s a huge deal for them. The only thing I’d take into consideration is possibly elderly relatives? I know my 86 year old grandpa wouldn’t make a 3-4 hour drive. But most young, healthy people wouldn’t think it was much of a problem, especially if they are your nearest and dearest!
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  • JustKidding
    VIP April 2018
    JustKidding ·
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    My friends were driving in anywhere from 4 to 10 hours to needing to fly in from 5 states away.

    People don't live in close knit communities anymore. Sometimes you have to drive. If a guest doesn't want to drive that far, they will decline.

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  • Formerbride
    VIP June 2019
    Formerbride ·
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    I agree with OP that invitations give guests the opportunity to decline. I don't know why people think everyone has to say yes or give an excuse as to why they are not attending. I would say to FH that he can find an option in his location. Then you can compare the one you like with his choosing and go from there.
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  • Stephanie
    Super June 2019
    Stephanie ·
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    There's definitely nothing wrong with having guests drive. I agree with other comments regarding sending invites and STD's. It's totally up to the guest to chose if they want to drive and share your special day or not. Our wedding is a destination wedding for 90% of our guest list and have to take a flight plus booking a room lol.

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  • A
    Master June 2020
    Anna ·
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    Road trips are awesome!
    Weddings are awesome!
    Win-win!
    Just give them plenty of notice to plan and RSVP.
    Go for it!
    On the other point, I'm planning 100% and I'm loving every second of it!
    He would help if I asked, but I like knowing I can make choices as long as I stay within his budget.

    If you need his help...
    Ask him....he may not realize it ...you know they don't think the same way we do ha ha!
    Best wishes!
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  • C
    Super July 2019
    Crystal ·
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    No it's not. It's your wedding not your guest they can make the drive lol
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  • Nicole
    Super October 2021
    Nicole ·
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    It's not inappropriate to ask guests to drive. FH and i currently live in Pittsburgh and that's where we've decided to have our wedding (because this is where we met, established our life, plan to be long term etc.) Only about 5 people attending our wedding live here. Everyone else will drive between 2-6 hours to get here. We realize it's not the most convenient thing for them, but this is the only place it makes sense to US to get married.


    I think you should express to FH how you feel about the planning. Explain that having the wedding where you are will really ease the stress of planning. If he's still not on board you could start delegating tasks to him to complete.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    Just block hotels in the area for out of town guests, then you are fine! Also send save the dates so people know to plan their trip. Over 100 of our guests are out of state, and we are getting married 1 hour from home so pretty much everyone has to stay overnight.

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  • E
    Dedicated June 2019
    Elizabeth ·
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    Oh that’s not innappropriate at all! There are things you can do to help make sure guests are more likely to come, like help them find accommodations and even offer some brunch or donuts the next day if everyone is staying in the same area. People travel to go to weddings. Unless you both have families that are from the same are and you’ve never lived anywhere else, it’s VERY normal to have a bit of travel. It’s up to you though to set your priorities. Is your priority to have the most people come? Pick a convenient location! Is it something else? Follow your heart!
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  • FutureStephD
    Super March 2019
    FutureStephD ·
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    Exactly what I was thinking.

    Also, OP, it's traditional for the wedding to be held in the brides hometown. Not saying that's what happens now-a-days, but what has happened in the past.

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  • Expert May 2021
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    I would travel and completely understand if my family lived 4 hours away. If you both live there does his family seriously expect you to plan a wedding from 4 hours away? That’s a little unreasonable. The venue is only the beginning of yours stresses. You would have to find hair and makeup people and all of those tiny details there as well.
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