Invitations - Adults Only

Yes it is in poor taste to write "Adults only"

The key is to properly address your invite to Mr&Mrs Blah, Mr. &Mr. Blah, Mrs. &Mrs. Blah, instead of the Blah Family.

It may also help to include a line on the RSVP that says "we have reserved two seats in your honor" or something of the like.

If someone does RSVP with children just be sure to follow up with a call so they can find child care.

I do plan on having them specifically addressed and the max number invited on the RSVP cards. But, I know my family members, they will completely ignore those indicators.

If they ignore and add extras to the RSVP then you call them and say “there seems to have been a misunderstanding. Unfortunately we are unable to accommodate little Billy and Jane and the invitation is only for you and partner. If that means you are unable to attend, you will be missed.” You’re not the rude one for saying that, they are by adding kids to the RSVP.

How many relatives do you have that will do this? When you get RSVP card back, can you or your mom call them and say, really glad to here you are coming, given you will have to arrange childcare?

@Karen k, I hate to admit it but quite a few and my FH has a brother and several cousins we know definitely who will try to bring their kids. We have even slimmed down our guest list to try to accommodate those we know who will try to bring their kids and it still won't work.

I think me and my mom will be making calls to those we know will try to bring their kids to make sure they know we just can't accommodate.

I initially started out with a word of mouth "no kids" and indicated on the RSVP # seats reserved. Ppl still added extras...wut? Then I realized my coordinator is guardian to her 7y/o nephew and needed to bring him. This little boy left to his own is an absolute terror. Personally I don't do kids...I love them but just don't do them. I rarely keep my own grandkids because I have a very active life. Anyhow it was explained to the coordinator that she will need someone to keep an eye on her nephew while she conducts what she is being paid to do. Surprisinly this boy listens to me but it won't be my job that evening to entertain him. As a result I've allowed others to bring their kids which will make a total of 10 kids so I'm preparing kiddie packets to keep them occupied. Hopefully all goes well.

I'm a big fan of spreading the word other ways. I have a cousin who, even though I was a teenager and certainly had no children, I had heard explicitly from an aunt that there would be no children there. You could also include a handwritten note with the invite of anyone you think won't get it. Be kind, be clear, be to the point.

Have your parents and FH's parents reach out to anyone in their families you/they think may bring kids and start socializing the idea of no kids. I also think a note included with the invites saying something like "we look forward to celebrating with you if you are able to arrange childcare so you can attend" isn't unreasonable.

But honestly if you don't want kids, the 100% best way to make sure there aren't any is provide some sort of on site childcare, and make it clear to people that if they bring children, they will have to leave them with the on site childcare. That's the only way to make sure you have a backup plan for if someone shows up with children. I mean you can have security on site, but realistically are you actually going to kick out FH's brother from your wedding because he brings his kids? And if the answer is no and you aren't providing on site childcare, it's BS for everyone followed the rules and paid for a sitter or made other arrangements for their kids. I don't believe in "punishing" people who follow the rules by giving perks to people who don't, so if you are completely set on no kids, your backup plan needs to involve no kids, not accommodating the people who will bring kids anyway.

We put it on our website, and started telling people as soon as we made the decision, especially our OOT guests. We offered to hire a babysitter for the families from OOT. We also addressed invites only to Mr and Mrs and we did online RSVPs so people really couldn't add and it was listed who was actually invited.

We started letting people know by word of mouth that we were not having kids at the wedding, were also writing on the invite 'unfortunately due to venue restrictions we are unable to invite children, we hope you are still able to celebrate with us'. I don't think its offensive atall to just be clear on who's invited and who isn't and we've already had one couple tell us they won't be able to come as they wanted to save us the cost of printing a pointless invite so it seems to be working

Tanya, if you think people are going to try to bring their kids no matter what, writing "Adults Only" on your invite won't stop them. And it will still be in poor taste.

Thank you all so much for your input. You have given me options. I won't hire an onsite sitter as it will be unfair to those who don't follow the rules. I will update our site with the no kids information and we have a FB page for those who are invited and will add there as well.

I dont think you have to write "adults only" i recieved an invitation one time that was worded very nicely that no kids were invited and it was a night for the parents to enjoy....somewhere along those lines

@Rea - your wedding coordinator wants to bring her child to your wedding? That sounds unprofessional to me.

Are these OOT guests? Why not organize a sitter (sitters?) to watch the children at the hotel. Maybe the Hotel could offer a conference room where games could be organized, maybe movies, etc.

Honestly, we had to go against etiquette rules and include a line on the RSVP card that said "Please note this is an adults-only celebration." Had we not, my fiancé's family would have put "2" on the line but then brought their kids, that's just how they roll with weddings. They assume the adults count but the children do not. We have not run into too many issues so far, minus a couple people thinking we would make an exception for them, but we have been very open and clear about the fact that the only children that will be there will be the children in the wedding. I didn't want to include the line on the RSVP card, but we know our audience and otherwise we would have had 40 children show up with their parents the day of.

@KarenM, these are a combination of OOT and local. Our wedding and reception isn't at a hotel, it's at a mansion and unfortunately, we are using each room for something since we are paying for the entire mansion

I plan on putting "Adult wedding" bc I know people would do the same thing ...

Do you ever talk to theses family members about wedding planning? If so you could mention how sad you are that you have to do an adult only reception due to space issues.

@Kitty, that is how both sides of some of our family members are as well. We plan to place the # of guests invited on the RSVP cards as well as the names and they will a probably still bring kids. And there is absolutely not enough room. I may incorporate your idea as well.