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Savvy September 2020

Include friends's children or not?

ScareBear, on June 5, 2018 at 9:07 PM Posted in Planning 0 4

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I'm a bit conflicted on whether or not to include my best friend's kids. She's my MOH, and one of the few people that knows they'll be in our wedding because I had her picked as my MOH before I even met my fiance!!

At the time that we were talking about who we wanted in our wedding, my friend had 2 boys and another friend already had a little girl. We decided that we'd ask our friend for her daughter to be our flower girl, and her to also be a bridesmaid. My FH has a grand-nephew (he's only in his 30s, older brother's wife already had a daughter about my FH's age) the same age as the flower girl so we were going to ask for him to be the ring bearer.

I wasn't sure how to include my friend's boys and having the ring bearer from his side just kept things fair and even. Now my MOH has a daughter and I'm worried about hurting her feelings at not having her kids in the wedding, especially since I've been more involved in their lives than the other children. MOH's kids will be 8, 3, 2 when we get married and the other 2 kids will be 3.

I've thought about having 2 ringbeares & 2 flowergirls, but then what should I have her oldest do, that's not boring like guestbook duty? Is 8 too young to be an usher, or should I have him hand out programs?

This is all assuming that we don't have our own rugrat before then also.

I have a bit to finalize what everyone will be asked to do, but I'm starting to work on the proposal boxes which is why I'm worrying about this now!

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4 Comments

Latest activity by PBiazinha, on June 6, 2018 at 10:10 AM

Expert November 2018
Kristin · on June 5, 2018 at 9:41 PM
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I'm having my MOH's girls (will be 12 and 6) carry signs down the aisle. I know what you mean about being closer to them, even though FH's nieces and nephews have called me aunt Kristin their whole lives they live far away and I see these girls constantly since I'm at MOH's house almost every Saturday lol. I might have my sister's 12 year old step son carry a sign too if he can make it to the wedding. I'm not sure about the usher, I'm not sure I've been to a wedding with ushers lol.
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Savvy November 2020
jennifer · on June 5, 2018 at 10:57 PM
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I saw this in another post, have them be your helper while getting ready. Make them feel important and let them walk in with the wedding party
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Devoted June 2018
Janette · on June 6, 2018 at 12:49 AM
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I don't think you need to include all of her kids.

My ring bearer has an older brother and he won't be in the wedding. I have two flower girls and one ring bearer.

So what you're comfortable with though.
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VIP May 2018
PBiazinha · on June 6, 2018 at 10:10 AM
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Is your wedding in 2020? This is way too early for proposals. I understand that one of them is your best friend so hopefully nothing will change. But most likely than not, things tend to change once you are wedding planning - also financial situations shift, all things to consider.
If you have taken the time to lurk around here you will see that we always advise people to wait 8-6 months prior to the wedding date to then ask bridal party.
On what has to do with the flower girls and ring bearer, again, you have time. You do not need to ask every single children that is part of your life. Ask your FH his opinion about it.
I had my two nieces and my god daughter be my flower girls, the god daughter has a brother (they are my friend's kids) which I did not include despite the fact that my friend would have loved that, I just did not have room for more children walking down whe isle.
Our nephew (10) was our "ring security" which fits better since he is older.
Take your time to work on these details, wait a little more. It is okay to be excited and want to have people involved but waiting will give you more of a clear vision of how you want the wedding to be and who really should be standing there on that day.
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