I'm married! It was awesome, but now I have a thank you question.

This is a tough one. you certainly dont want to tell all your guests your problem, so in that sense, asking if they sent a gift or not is out of the question. they might get mad that you may have lost it. First what i would do is, i would confront your sister and MAKE SURE she didnt take any cards, and if she did, see if you cant recover some of them or figure it all out. if she didnt then problem solved. this may result in a bad situation with your sister being accused of something she may not have done. second, i would buy or have printed some thank you cards that all say the same thing. "We are so glad you came to our wedding and we appreciate all the gifts you continue to give us" this is incredibly vague and would confuse everyone but could not possibly offend. err on the side of the confusion and bad etiquette in style, but sending the thank you card is essential, how you write it is not, considering the alternatives.

Oh my gosh, how awful. You or your mom could bring it up casually by saying "Another guest at the wedding mentioned their gift, but we never received it...after some investigating, we realized that several cards have gone missing. While gifts certainly were not necessary and we were SO happy to have you in attendance, I just want to make sure that your card was not stolen as well" and see what they say. If you have that conversation with 2 or 3 people, it should give you a pretty good idea of whether or not your hunch is right...I don't even know which scenario I hope for. Weird to come to a wedding without even a card, but I hope for your sake that your sister did not steal from you at your wedding.

Agreed with juanita. and i like the wording she used too. very vague and a person who didnt give a gift can receive it just as well as someone who did give a gift

Hmm..I"m hoping if you mention in the card "Thanks so much for being part of our special day!" they might give you a call and ask if you recieved the gift.

One thing to consider is that people might have given you checks instead of cash. In that case, if she did do something, she probably just threw away the checks (or worse, is about to commit check fraud.) In the case where you write a generic thank you, people will wonder why you did not cash the check.

If you do not think that your sister is going to fess up, I'd probably look over the list of people that did not give you a gift, etc and pick one or two that you think might have given you one and who wouldn't be offended by you asking. Approach them and say "I feel really bad asking this but we had a potential theft problem at our venue and we are just trying to confirm with some people regarding a gift we did not receive."

If you get a positive response from someone (who hopefully won't lie to you about it) that they did give a gift, then you probably have to take another track with your thank you notes.

I'd keep it general. You are on the right track. They may be sending you something now anyway. They might not have wanted to bring it that day or needed to wait until their next paycheck. If you don't mention a gift and they know you are polite enough to thank them for coming then they'll probably call you on their own to check on the gift.

I find it odd that people would not have brought at least a card. I can understand no gift - tough economic times - but a card doesn't cost that much, and saves face from walking into a wedding reception empty-handed.

As stated above, many folks, if giving money at a wedding (which is what I do) give it in the form of a check. Kinda, sorta provides some protection against theft: not as easy to cash a check in some else's name, and if it's tossed, I will eventually contact the person when the check isn't cashed.

I think contacting a few of the guests, discretely, and letting them know there may have been a possible theft (name NO names nor implicate anyone), and simply ask if they brought a card. Most guests would want to know their gifts were received by the couple. I know I would!

I didn't receive many gifts as well. I thought I would of got more than that, but I don't think your sister would of taken it. If you think so than you should just asked your sister. But I did not send thank you cards for just attending. If you want to be on the safe side than I would just do it like you said. And for the ones whom gaved you a gift tell them thank you for ......... and how you are going to use.........

I hope this helps.

I read this again, and i dont like my wording. it implies that you are suggesting they are expected to give a gift in the future. oh well, i dont have any ideas right now, but if you can keep it really vague, thats my point. its best to do a faux paus on the wording and not on the sister drama.

Did you receive ANY cards with money? If not, it's pretty likely that she stole them. If you did receive some, just not as many as you expected, then some people might be waiting to give their gift. They have a year to do so.

Hmm...if the sister has a heavy drug problem, most likely she will not tell the truth about stealing the gifts. Addicts will deny everything til their very last breath even if they're hurting someone. I say you proceed with your plan to thank your guests for attending..and of course mention the gift for those who brought one. I were the guest and got a thank you for my attendance and not my gift, I would just think the bride/groom was happier about my attendance than my gift which is cool. Good luck!

I think i agree with Rosie most about stating you had other guest concerned about you not getting there gifts and you just wanted to make sure theres didnt get lost or misplaced as well.

And like turner said most likely the sister will deny it.

Oh my. There have been good suggestions already on how to broach the subject with your guests.

Actually the economy is really bad these days and many people might show up without a gift. I was surprised too. And I'm sure that there weren't any gifts lost or misplaced. Actually many guests sent gifts after the wedding, like 2-6 months after!

Wow that is horrible. Maybe I should have my gifts be deposited in the coat check room!

There is so much great advice - and rightfully so - how can one prepare for something like this?!?! I would have to go with Rosie's response. I would like to talk about it with her in the room to see her reactions, "That is so weird! I was checking with my list of gusts and only X% of them came with a gift or card..."

Please update this. I want to know what happens!

WAIT!! i have the perfect solution! send your thank you cards assuming they all sent gifts!!! you wont be embarrased at all!!! DO NOT CALL and ask if they sent a gift, they will think its fishy all around. just send a thank you card, thanks for coming to the wedding and thanks for the gift! if they didnt send a gift, they will never tell you as they would be embarassed to, if they did, you are covered! DO NOT let any of your guests know you suspect your sister stole anything. if she didnt, this will be a real problem with your relationship as she will be embarassed among all your family and guests. i know your sister has made some mistakes, but addiction is the monster not your sister, if you love her, you wont accuse her unless you had proof, even so, do not make this an issue.

I texted a few of my close friends (who didn't give) and all said that there is a gift on the way, that they had to wait until payday or things settled down. So I am just going to send thank you's to everyone either thanking them for attending or thanking them for the gift and attending. Thanks for the advice ladies.

PS - One guy did say he brought a card with a check and noticed it wsn't cashed, so he is cancelling it.

Many weddings that I have attended recently have had "attendants" to accept the gifts for the gift table. They also make certain that everyone signs the guest register and I noted at one wedding one of the attendants discretely made a mark next to the name. I know we gave a card with a check enclosed and she put a "c" next to our name which I assumed meant card. I am thinking of doing something similar.