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Super September 2016

I'm a MOH now, I need advice!

CobbWifey, on February 7, 2017 at 2:53 PM Posted in Planning 0 15

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Hi guys! it's been a while since I've been on. My sister and best friend in the whole world is getting married in June, and I am her Matron of honor. She is having a semi-destination wedding (one state over), and only grandparents and parents (and me) are attending. So it is a 11 person wedding, due to her husband being very shy and wanting to keep it intimate. She is not having a bridal shower since none of our family/friends are actually invited to the wedding.

She won't be having a reception when we get back. But she does want a party before the wedding, kind of "send-off" party with our aunts and cousins and her Fiance's aunts. What is the etiquette on this? Would it be confused with a bridal shower? I want to make her happy and give her what she wants, but I know a couple aunts are salty about not being invited to the wedding so I don't know if this is a good idea.

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15 Comments

Latest activity by lyla, on February 7, 2017 at 4:12 PM

Master April 2014
Nonna T · on February 7, 2017 at 2:57 PM
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Hmmm...engagement party?
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Super September 2016
CobbWifey · on February 7, 2017 at 2:59 PM
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Wowwww I don't know how I didn't think of that, thank you!
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VIP September 2017
MTMA9917 · on February 7, 2017 at 3:00 PM
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This is a tough one...
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Master October 2017
RealLindseyO · on February 7, 2017 at 3:01 PM
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This is weird because these people aren't invited to the wedding. People who are invited to the engagement party should be invited to the wedding, same as a shower or any other wedding-related event.
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Master November 2016
CMC · on February 7, 2017 at 3:03 PM
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Maybe plan something for right after the wedding? Anyone invited to pre-wedding celebrations should also be invited to the wedding.
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Master September 2018
NikNak · on February 7, 2017 at 3:03 PM
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Sounds like an engagement party, but I think it's still tricky, especially since these family members aren't invited to the ceremony/reception. Engagement/bridal parties have the same etiquette, you don't invite anyone not invited to the big event. I'd suggest talking to your sister and having a 'welcome back' kind of gathering instead of a 'send off' with these aunts/cousins. It would kind of be a mini reception, but still small.

ETA: Words
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VIP September 2017
MTMA9917 · on February 7, 2017 at 3:04 PM
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I'm with Lindsey, I say don't do anything.
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Super September 2016
CobbWifey · on February 7, 2017 at 3:04 PM
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@Lindsey, yes exactly. So I'm stumped. She wants some kind of party, but I don't know how to give her one without being tasteless. And two aunts feel crappy about not being included, so I don't want to start a war with them. I feel obligated as MOH to give her everything she gave me, but our situations are different as I had a 120 person wedding.
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Super September 2016
CobbWifey · on February 7, 2017 at 3:06 PM
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Also, I'm in a tiny feud with one of my sisters friends who declared that I am a bad MOH because I am refusing to throw an actual Bridal Shower. So this isn't fun at all.
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Master March 2017
BlueHenBride · on February 7, 2017 at 3:08 PM
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Yeah, I think it'd be much more appropriate to throw then a welcome back party than any kind of send off/engagement/shower party.

When a couple I knew eloped, our friend group did more of a post wedding luncheon for them to celebrate their marriage. ETA- the lunch celebration was planned two months after their actual wedding. They didn't announce their marriage right away (looooong story) and the celebration was thrown by someone else in their honor.
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VIP May 2017
AyEmVee · on February 7, 2017 at 3:13 PM
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Last Fling Before the Ring. Doesn't connote "give me gifts" as much. More of a "let's have fun and party" vibe.
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Master December 2017
Mrswelch · on February 7, 2017 at 3:42 PM
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I personally hate the "last fling" wording. Who are the 11 people invited to the wedding? Is going out to eat or having a small party before with those 11 possible or no? I agree doing something after the fact is probably easier.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on February 7, 2017 at 3:51 PM
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Considering that there is already tension, I would suggest not doing a party to celebrate something that guests aren't invited to participate in. It might make things worse.

Unfortunately your sister can't have big pre-wedding events and a small wedding without going outside of etiquette and possibly offending people.
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Master May 2014
Emily · on February 7, 2017 at 4:04 PM
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I agree with others. This is not ok. Your sister can't have everything. She is choosing to have a wedding with immediate family only. She can't then decide to have large pre-wedding parties. Nope.
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Master July 2017
lyla · on February 7, 2017 at 4:12 PM
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Aw this is sad. I get that your position is uncomfortable; etiquette says no, but you want the best for her and to treat her well. If it were my sister, I'd do something.
What about a bachelorette? It would just be her friends/younger people so your aunt wouldn't be an issue, and people don't bring gifts to bachelorette parties so the gifts wouldn't be an issue.
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